Miscellaneous: Today, I was caught masturbating. By my parents? Nope. My wife?...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Dorminion - 20/04/2016 02:10 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was caught masturbating. By my parents? Nope. My wife? Wrong again. I was caught polishing my rocket by a burglar. And yes it was as awkward as it sounds.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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Miscellaneous Neighbours Insurance Money Plumbing Awkward Work Relatable Parents Poopoo peepee AITA Love Relationship advice Cheating Suspicious Health Phobias Insects Abuse Family Drunk Kids Argument First Dates Weird Marriage Gross Mental health Cars Death

The Top

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 354

You deserved it 79 642

Today, I woke up from surgery with nurses all giggling at me. I asked them what was wrong, and apparently I’m now famous as the guy who kept getting boners every 10 minutes, until finally the surgeon used surgical tape to stick it to my thigh to keep it out out of his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 217

The Top

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored, I made a "to do" list for the week in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 068

You deserved it 12 605

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I'm already a clumsy person but became extra clumsy because I was nervous. After knocking over my drink for the fourth time, my boyfriend's mom angrily shouted "Did you actually come drunk for the first time meeting us?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 356

You deserved it 9 478

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 363

You deserved it 16 775

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 970

You deserved it 4 730

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 686

You deserved it 10 135

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 392

You deserved it 3 467