Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out why my B&B host looked so pissed this morning. I remember having too much red wine and puking out the window last night. Turns out the lampshade underneath the window spread my puke all over the freshly painted wall. FML
Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML
Today, I'm using mold and mildew stain remover on my mattress, all because I threw up on it drunk, and was to lazy to clean it up when it happened. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML
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Top comments
knsy 0
Billy Mays would have had a field day on that shit.
VorpikeII 17
Your fault? Or did someone else regurgitate the wine?
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Comments (91)
micahsmommy 13
That's what you get for partying with the cast from Jersey Shore. Nothing good can come of that.
Eiregal2 10
What a precious, adorable little baby! (in the picture)
micahsmommy 13
Thank you. :)
br0ccoli 15
YDI for getting drunk on wine. Classy.
EyeCeYu 7
Does it look any diffrent then normal whine?
Dracoboxer357 36
Well, yes, I'd hope so too. If it went down as a smooth red blush and came up as a violent green paste, I'd be somewhat concerned myself. ;)
newgiaw 3
This is not really fyl, just wash the sheet.
TheDrifter 24
You don't do your own laundry do you? That won't wash out. Not to mention how much has likely soaked into the mattress.
bungholio69 0
It looks like what you bed sheets will look like when Bradley pops that cherry 22. And 15, a 80lb lighter tool you still are. Bwah!!
KeyboardWarrior 10
You're such a creeper. You didn't even say anything to me and I feel violated. Also, the Bradley thing was really uncalled for. You're disgusting.
tylersign 11
What in the actual **** is wrong with you? Excuse my vulgar nature.
danishbagel 3
Intriguing response.
danishbagel 3
Balls, posted under wrong thread.
PiXiq111 11
... Who gets that drunk on wine?
HeroOfHyrule 0
Let me guess..regurgitated wine? :P This was a kind of a sucky FML..
lazypopo 0
If you had the whole bottle to yourself ydi for not sharing and being greedy. If someone else did it fyl. Make sure you use baking soda to clean it up.