Major red flag
By notpregnant - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Italy
By notpregnant - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Italy
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this website is filled with high schoolers who don't understand life past high school dating. they think that an adult sleeping with another adult is "icky" when they aren't dating. Yet they say its ok when people in high school relationships sleep together even though almost all high school relationships are bull and they will almost certainly break up.
No one's asking you to, and chances are, no one ever will. The point is the OP is probably an adult with normal views about sex, and just because some people like you are prudish about sex that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with sleeping with your bf after a couple of weeks of dating.
Why should she be? Do you think birth control was just invented as a novelty? Maybe 100 years ago that would have been a fair view, but seeing as you're bitching about her perfectly normal relationship on the internet and not via letter, it's a bit ridiculous. At any rate, the FML quite possibly isn't even that she's worried about getting pregnant but that her bf is concerned about whether or not she'd be hot if she was.
The way I read the FML, she seemed to be worried that perhaps her new boyfriend already had plans for her to get pregnant (hence, why he put the pillow under her shirt). He wanted to know what she looked like in the event that she did get pregnant. And all I'm saying is that any two people who sleep together should be aware of the consequences and be willing to cope with them. I can't stand people who have sex, become pregnant, and then act as if it was not their own fault and can't possible conceive of why they would've gotten pregnant.
Who says she wasn't prepared for the consequences, should they arise? There's certainly a difference for being able to deal with a resulting pregnancy and wanting you bf to be actively thinking about impregnating you and whether or not you'd still be attractive if he did. And saying everyone who has sex should be ready for pregnancy is stupid. They both were quite probably using birth control. I sure as hell don't start a new relationship where I'm using contraception preparing myself for the minute possibility of a resulting pregnancy. It's like saying whenever you get into a car, drive following all the road rules and wear a seat belt that you should be preparing yourself for the possibility of a car accident, and a car accident is about as likely as a pregnancy resulting from sex where contraception has been used correctly.
Mind you, since when waiting means "hang up"? Note that I am not commenting on the OP, since to each his own. But to call someone a prude and having hangups for insisting to know a person reasonably well until they get to intimate things makes you sound very immature, IMO. How was that, "tolerance, but only for me"?
Well, your replies tended to hint that they were sleeping with each other because they didn't have weird hang-ups, aka No weird hang-up => sex, which is equivalent to no sex => weird hang-up. No matter how much you disagree with someone, you might want to choose your phrasing in such a way as to distinguish between people who have different views than yours, but accept you, and people who make sweeping generalizations.
It's a weird hang up if you believe you it's wrong for consenting adults to have sex after a couple of weeks of dating. As I said, you can choose to wait if you want and no one (except probably your partner) is going to care, but if you say it's wrong for anyone else to as well, then it's a weird hang up. In fact, it's a bit more than a weird hang up because "hang up" implies you're just applying that to yourself and not the rest of the world. Perhaps you should consider reading a little closer before trying to defend the sweeping generalisations and judgments others make.
How do you know she was willing to risk having his child? Abortion is legal in Italy and that's kind of like saying when you get in a car you're willing to risk having a car accident, which is actually more likely to happen than getting pregnant if you're using something like an IUD as birth control.
I have no problem with abortion being legal, just a problem with people using it to fix their "oopsies." I agree that it's a long-shot while using brith control, too, but still, why would you even risk it? I think it'd do a fair amount of emotional damage to be consentually impregnated by a member of the KKK, abortion or not.
Well fortunately, no one is asking you what you mind and don't mind when it comes to abortion. It's about a 1 in 10,000 chance of getting pregnant using an IUD and there are plenty of things you take bigger risks with more serious consequences every day. If you're going to live like that why risk getting in a car and dying in a crash, why risk flying to another country and traveling? And I have no idea why you're comparing this to another FML. There's probably a higher chance of her getting pregnant with an IUD in on a plane that's about to crash than there is of unknowingly dating a KKK member in Italy, and you have no idea how long she knew him before dating. Plus, in that FML she'd been with him 2 years. Apparently it's not a matter of taking the time to get to know someone if they can keep something like that from you for 2 years.
KKK members aren't the only people in the world who you wouldn't want to impregnate you, I was just using it as an example. You can't know someone very well after 3 weeks of dating (unless, as others suggested, they were friends or something), so there are many things that could make them undesireable as a father. I don't like arguing with people on the internet, and I don't like making enemies of anyone, so I'll agree to disagree with you on that small point, say that I understand your point of view, and that I see it as perfectly valid. I sincerely wish you a nice day :D
So, you're considered a "prude" if you think it a tad hoe-ish to be sleeping with someone after only 3 weeks? Look at it this way, most people have lives that aren't put on hold when you first start dating someone. (Assuming the OP is an adult with a job and/or schooling.) So, your first week of dating someone isn't necessarily going to be with them physically. I'd say on average you have about two nights/days a week when you first start dating someone to hang out. With the invention of texting you can get to "know" someone in a shallow way by talking every day but face to face contact is limited. Well, after three weeks of talking a whole bunch but really only seeing someone face to face about six times it seems a bit stupid to make lucky number seven the time you sleep with him. And I'm pretty sure this isn't their first time that they had sex since the OP would have mentioned that as an added "my life is screwed" factor that someone she just made love with for the first time is thinking about her being pregnant.
No. You're considered a prude if you think it's your place to judge when two consenting adults in a relationship should have sex. People don't need to put their lives on hold to date more than twice a week unless they're in high school and have a 5 o'clock curfew during the week. I work two jobs and still see my bf most nights, and have since we started dating. Also, once you're out of high school the majority of people in relationships have a bit more interaction than txting... Why don't you come back to this conversation when you've left school?
That's funny since I'm actually still in school. (Master's does count.) And you must be a super hero to be able to go out on dates with a full time job and life when you first meet someone. Especially since they should have the same. Unless you or the other person don't...have...lives....
If you're still in school, why are you back? To further discuss your eloquent views on immature relationships? Perhaps you find school and homework and whatever boring crap it is you do with your free time challenging, but adults generally are capable of managing work and their free time without telling their partners they can only manage 2 dates a week and some txts about how unfair their curfew is.
It's a little thing called morals and self respect. You don't go hopping into bed with everyone you happen to date for more then a week. If she slept with everyone she dated for 3 weeks, that could potentially be 17-18 people a year if every relationship only lasted 3 weeks. You really see no problem with that? I know I don't go hopping into the bed with people I've only just starting talking to. In 3 weeks you're not going to get to know and love someone well enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them if you get knocked up. Then again, society and it's lack of morals are a little more excepting of single parents and deadbeats now a days.
I don't see how "self respect" is involved in this situation. If she's having sex for the right reason then she can have sex with whomever. The right reason being, for the pleasure you get out of sex and not having sex just to please someone else or make that person like you or in hope to get something in return for the sex. There is nothing wrong with doing something that makes yourself feel good as long as you're not hurting anyone. So she can have as much sex as she wants and with whomever as long as she is responsible when she does.
oh and btw, when it says dating, that doesn't necessarily mean that she just met the guy a few weeks ago. She might have known him for months or even years but they just made their relationship a romantic/intimate one and are now dating. Also, what does wanting to spend the rest of your life have to do with whom you have sex with. It's just a pleasurable thing people like to do. Do you get a massage only from the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? No! A massage is something people get because it can be very physically pleasurable and very relaxing. Same with sex, only it can have many more consequences than a simple massage. So people should understand and take those consequences into consideration before having sex.
Umm...if you have sex with just anyone for the pleasure of having sex then you should get a toy or something. Putting aside diseases, pregnancy and scary people who can hurt you 'cause you don't really know them I'd say there are a whole slew of reasons not to just jump in bed with a plethora of people. You're just using your body and the one you hooked up with as a means to an end and if you read philosophy (Kant to be specific) then that's pretty much labeled as unethical. You should value your body not just for what it can get you in the end but what it is. And I'm all for people making their own decisions and sleeping with people before marriage (God I hope my child doesn't) but 3 weeks! Here's a test. If you are embarrassed to tell the person you are with that you have slept with more than five people then you should stop sleeping around....
my mom is a single parent. apparently some people think raising a child alone is easy. well, newsflash - it's not. furthermore, i've had at least ten partners. after each new one i get tested for stds. there is no shame in sleeping with a girl i care for, nor in admitting i have done so. some i slept with after about two weeks, because it felt natural to share my body. if it feels right, fuckin do it. don't wait around bitching because "three weeks isn't long enough to know somebody".
If you've only been dating for 3 weeks then why are you already sleeping together?
and you're not ashamed of calling people like him "boyfriend"? and you sleep together after a 3 week relationship? god.