By FML Videos - United States - New York

Diet Days Are Over

Dieting is so last season. Get ready for hibernation though... It's gonna be huge in a few months.

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Dangling modifier

Poisoned chalice

On the beat

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tip toed out of the room did I realize that my cell phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47074

You deserved it

7684

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By K-Rat - United States

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9381

You deserved it

1033

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By charlieday - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if she should get birthcontrol, of course I said yes and offered to pay the 55 dollar fee. She got her physical and pills and then dumped me the next day. I basically paid 55 dollars so that she can sleep with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30985

You deserved it

4237

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1496

You deserved it

225

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By Sad elf - Australia - Brookfield

Today, after weeks of tirelessly organising a Secret Santa with work colleagues, we finally exchanged gifts. I got a stapler, which had been stolen from my desk the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8807

You deserved it

644

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By fuck you walmart - United States

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51121

You deserved it

3402

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By Chelsea - United States - Aurora

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32855

You deserved it

2653

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By seachelle

Today, the guy I've been seeing posted about having relationship problems and arguments with his girl. I've been in the hospital for surgery for the past few days and have been unable to talk to him. Before this, he told me I was the only one. Guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1861

You deserved it

120

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33157

You deserved it

6350

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By not on life, that's for fucking sure - United States

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37354

You deserved it

5027

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By ? - United States

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40521

You deserved it

9898

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By Aric - 8/10/2020 05:01

Thanks Felicia

Today, I arrived at the airport two and a half hours early because I was expecting it to be busy. The line was long but I had plenty of time, until a woman complained about a fee for checked bags. I was next in line, and still managed to miss my flight because the woman caused such a big scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

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By Kellie - United States

Today, I found a hidden camera in my room equipped with night vision and a microphone. My parents have been spying on me for at least the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41304

You deserved it

3075

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By meeeee! - United States - Wilmington

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33430

You deserved it

4708

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By desigirl - United States - Johnson City

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23090

You deserved it

3405

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By ohdear - United Kingdom

Time flies by

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37684

You deserved it

7355

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By Username - United States

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30590

You deserved it

3958

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By Chelsea - Australia - Perth

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53524

You deserved it

5443

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By Charlie8u347 - United States

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28186

You deserved it

6019

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By kb - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28649

You deserved it

22213

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By MATTY2512 - Canada - Marshall

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14661

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2438

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44665

You deserved it

11889

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By collegebroke - United States - Lakewood

Today, I hit a new low in my financial troubles when I left my work to retrieve twenty-five cents after seeing someone drop it across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42077

You deserved it

4485

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By kill me

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3792

You deserved it

2309

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By FML - United States

Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38134

You deserved it

7476

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By aroman2312 - United States

Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25156

You deserved it

2087

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By oops.

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2053

You deserved it

335

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By 19kwhatever - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47731

You deserved it

14414

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By SCdriver - United States - Lexington

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9206

You deserved it

36091

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By analeis - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17705

You deserved it

29286

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43226

You deserved it

8032

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 04:58 - Germany

Noise annoys

Today, the cows on the neighboring farm have been lowing loudly for 3 days straight. The guy who runs the farm is unreachable. The people who own the farm and live right next to the stable claim they don’t hear a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

622

You deserved it

120

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By Anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I met my boyfriend's very strict and traditional Korean parents. I had to listen to them while they called me a skank and how I was fat and ugly compared to nice, pretty, Korean girls. They don't know I speak Korean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53766

You deserved it

3556

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By k - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looks at me and asks "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45168

You deserved it

11522

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By fmylifechelsea - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44976

You deserved it

19475

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By Maxx - United States

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9603

You deserved it

22208

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By I quit - United States

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27098

You deserved it

3323

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 23:10

Bit on the side

Today, I have been talking to someone for the past 9 months. He always said he could never give me a relationship. But he loves me. He finally told me it’s because he’s been with someone for 3 years and I’m basically the side chick he fell in love with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1433

You deserved it

297

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By likesboys - Canada

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36854

You deserved it

4956

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By -.- - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33890

You deserved it

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Top comments

By Charlie Given | 23

#7686993 - Monday 3 September 2018 0:05

That's me when I have Dill Pickle potato chips 😋

By Abbusser | 9

#7687950 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 1:48

He had a banana too. You don't wanna know where...

COMMENTS

By Charlie Given | 23

#7686993 - Monday 3 September 2018 0:05

That's me when I have Dill Pickle potato chips 😋

By Abbusser | 9

#7687950 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 1:48

He had a banana too. You don't wanna know where...

By Charles Dumont | 4

#7693178 - Friday 14 September 2018 9:06

Why did the video not work ?????? 😡😡😡