By FML Videos - United States - New York

Diet Days Are Over

Dieting is so last season. Get ready for hibernation though... It's gonna be huge in a few months.

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And today, on Dr Phil…

This Charming Man

What did I do?

By whattabrat - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35967

You deserved it

3288

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By verasam01 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18783

You deserved it

51610

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By maaaryy - France

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20133

You deserved it

9352

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By jshi8 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11831

You deserved it

79733

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By youfuckingdumbassmum - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30612

You deserved it

4870

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By DSM - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20771

You deserved it

117244

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By WTF? - United States

Today, I found myself humming a Skrillex ditty all day. I'm beginning to wonder if I've had some sort of stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17916

You deserved it

5893

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By Grimmy - United States - Brunswick

Crack wars

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18574

You deserved it

9667

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By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26018

You deserved it

1298

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By sciencesadness - United States - Lynnwood

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48187

You deserved it

4319

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32968

You deserved it

3205

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By Kingofbosses - United States

Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50387

You deserved it

16501

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard a little girl saying how much she didnt want braces to her mom because they hurt and make people look ugly. I looked at her and said, "Aww, there not that bad. See, I have them!" I then smiled to show her. She turned to her mom and said, "See!" then started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58191

You deserved it

10453

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68370

You deserved it

7291

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By Anonymous - United States - Clemmons

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55552

You deserved it

4212

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By Anonymous

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32255

You deserved it

3967

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By ouch - United States

Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23343

You deserved it

2134

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By Jobless

The Times They Are a-Changin'

Today, I woke up early, felt very energetic, decided to run a couple of miles and bought muffins for my colleagues on my way to the office. Then my boss told me they're shutting us down. At the end of a day that started really great, I'm jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1571

You deserved it

115

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By Eric John Los - United States - Haydenville

Today, I wore a coat that was too tight. The button gave way and quickly flew about ten feet to hit my very attractive new coworker right in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3787

You deserved it

943

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By newly single teetotaler - 23/10/2020 23:01

Cute trick, asshole

Today, the guy I've been seeing decided to "test the theory" that I can't drink alcohol due to a liver condition by mixing some into my drinks. He then complained that my ceaseless vomiting made his bathroom smell bad, and only took me to hospital when I started having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1858

You deserved it

302

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By Misskittygal14

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3458

You deserved it

1114

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By blehh - United States

Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34231

You deserved it

54561

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By CatBlock - United States - Decatur

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54054

You deserved it

7938

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By I quit - United States

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27111

You deserved it

3324

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By thatssickkk - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27393

You deserved it

2698

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my pet rat had babies. We've only ever owned one rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31616

You deserved it

6008

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By tamponface - United Kingdom

Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34859

You deserved it

9858

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By pissed off mother - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was out shopping with my son and unbeknownst to me, he had secretly added a bunch of expensive games he wanted to the trolley. I was too embarrassed at the till to make a fuss as there was a huge line behind me. I watched as my normal £50 shopping bill climbed to over £400. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6121

You deserved it

20776

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By GreenMonstR - United States

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50146

You deserved it

4756

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By damnit. - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32821

You deserved it

1889

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By Anonymous

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27288

You deserved it

2903

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By thanks hun

Overheard musings

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1776

You deserved it

219

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By A bit cowardly?

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked his friend to propose to me for him, because he was too nervous to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1978

You deserved it

232

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By Anonymous - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25060

You deserved it

42915

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By userrrrr - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48453

You deserved it

3741

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By Singlewife

Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2283

You deserved it

1506

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By Anonymous - United States - Audubon

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35855

You deserved it

3964

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By LonelyStudent - United States - Chicago

Keep it down!

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1533

You deserved it

151

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By BambooLove - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22978

You deserved it

65775

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By Lilie - France

Today, my sweetheart came round to drop off some underwear which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31277

You deserved it

2475

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Top comments

By Charlie Given | 23

#7686993 - Monday 3 September 2018 0:05

That's me when I have Dill Pickle potato chips 😋

By Abbusser | 9

#7687950 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 1:48

He had a banana too. You don't wanna know where...

COMMENTS

By Charlie Given | 23

#7686993 - Monday 3 September 2018 0:05

That's me when I have Dill Pickle potato chips 😋

By Abbusser | 9

#7687950 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 1:48

He had a banana too. You don't wanna know where...

By Charles Dumont | 4

#7693178 - Friday 14 September 2018 9:06

Why did the video not work ?????? 😡😡😡