All the FMLs

Good boy

By hypocrites!! - 30/08/2023 10:00

Today, I was given an ultimatum; either get rid of my beloved dog who’s my literal only source of happiness, or find a new place to live (which I can’t afford). My asshole neighbors keep complaining about my sweet boy’s barking, meanwhile their bratty bastards are 10 times louder. It’s not fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 526

Nervous?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to my GP to discuss my anxiety. As I was explaining my symptoms, I accidentally farted loudly due to my nervousness. The doctor paused and said, "Well, let's address that as well." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 158

The big man upstairs

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was informed by my parents that their relationship with God is more important than their relationship with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 173

Impasse

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 1 022

The joys of public transportation

By InDeepBlue - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I took the bus home from work for the first time in my life. It was pretty crowded, so I immediately sat in an empty seat. Then, I felt something wet. It was puke. A lot of it, in fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 597

Time to skedaddle

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 18:02 - United States - Queens

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to date other people, but still wants to be with me. He said, “Yes I want to be with you, but maybe we can both find better.” I found out he’s been texting another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 110

How cruel can one get?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, out of spite, my ex bought our autistic son a puppy. He's always wanted a dog and I can’t imagine how violent he will get if I tell him we can’t keep it. Since the divorce, I can barely feed us, so a dog is an expensive luxury we simply can’t afford, and my ex knows that. Pure spite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 162

You what now?

By WTF - 29/08/2023 20:00

Today, my lunatic conspiracy theorist coworker started ranting about meat bans. I rolled my eyes, but he pulled up my city's website, where they said they wanted to "phase out" meat and dairy consumption by 2030. These nuts are supposed to be wrong! What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 349

Mismanagement

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boss changed some company calendar settings on my computer to see what they'd be like. He didn't like it, so he told me to change it back, then left. I have no idea what he changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 523

You deserved it 3 800

Technology

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 16:00

Today, I used the last dollar in my PayPal Tap to pay to get myself a little something for work lunch. The register glitched just before the transaction finished, but it still took the money. No cash, no lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 110

Madhouse

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 14:00

Today, my husband volunteered to babysit our friends' kids while they go on their honeymoon. The problem is I hate kids, especially the younger ones who are noisy and require a lot of attention, and yet I know as the woman I’ll be expected to do most of the work looking after them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 235

Cheer up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 980

You deserved it 2 914

I can explain!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 10:00

Today, I was hired from an interview after being fired 3 months ago from an "at will" employer by someone who sabotaged me. They called it "misconduct" but it's real lame. I was filling out the paper in the app and they wanted permission to contact HR at my previous employer to get ANY information about misconduct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 126

When people show you who they are, believe them the first time

By Not gay - 29/08/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, as always, I wore a pin at work with the rainbow infinity symbol to indicate that I'm autistic. A creepy male customer came in and, thinking it was a gay pride pin, started hitting on me and making inappropriate comments. He just wouldn't stop, no matter how much I tried to explain. The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 207

Easy life

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend is sulking because he actually thought two weeks paternity leave was going to be our new baby sleeping 18 hours a day while he played his Xbox, and get paid not to go to work every day. He was wrong, it’s been three days, and he’s exhausted already and whining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 255

Priapism Tuesday

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 04:00

Today, I took Viagra so we could have sex at bedtime. We fell asleep afterwards, but I must've had a reaction to the Viagra as it was still erect this morning and must have been erect all night, way longer than 4 hours. I went straight to hospital as my penis was numb and pale blue. Help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 249

Sorry Sweaty, you're gross

By butterflyzag20 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 430

You deserved it 8 017

Snap!

By fax4voice3 - 28/08/2023 18:02 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was flossing my teeth, which I do only to not get yelled at (chewed out?) by my dentist. Dentist I’ll now be seeing later today because the floss broke off a corner of one of my molars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 189

This is the future Big Tech wants

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 22:00

Today, I was playing a virtual reality game at a gaming convention. I got so into it that I didn't realize I was screaming and flailing around in. A crowd had gathered to watch my dumbass embarrass myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 733

The pros and cons of dating

By Fun but pointless date - 28/08/2023 20:00

Today, I went on a blind date. It turned out that the person who I was set up with was my ex's sibling. We spent the whole evening talking about how terrible my ex is. I'm still single, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 144

You're nicked

By kb10 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 445

You deserved it 75 963

Mixed signals

By marie - 28/08/2023 16:00

Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 119

Fairweather friends

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 14:00 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad is terminally ill from bone cancer. It’s been 2 months and not even one of my so-called friends have asked me how I’m doing or how my parents are doing. They do however contact me when they need something. I have always been there for them - guess I was a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 137

Lost in the sauce

By notabadserver - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, the head chef at work yelled at me for not knowing the difference between two sauces. I couldn't win the argument, even after a coworker admitted to filling both bottles with the same sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 681

You deserved it 1 411

What is going on in this FML?

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 10:00

Today, after weeks of doubt and pondering the pros and cons, I finally broke up with my girlfriend, and she burst into tears. Feeling guilty, I tried to console her by saying, "Don't worry, we can still be cousins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 834

Gan canny or we'll dunsh summick!

By Joshua - 28/08/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I discovered my new phone's voice command doesn't really understand my accent while I'm driving. It kept thinking I was saying, "Call my mum" instead of, "Open Maps". It called my mum 14 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 187

Alexa, play "Communication Breakdown" by Led Zeppelin

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 04:00

Today, I've always needed to share stories about things that made me upset to my boyfriend, and I thought he was my safe place to do so. I've always talked to him, and so has he. If he got upset, he'd tell me what's bothering him. Now he says he doesn't like it because I always talk to him about it. Now I have no one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 212

Get your checkbook out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I found a letter in the postbox at my new flat which ran something along these lines of: "Hi. We're the gas company. You owe us £1,229.79 and have 7 days to pay us. Lotsa love, dated 7th September." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 233

You deserved it 4 017

Self sabotage

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 178

Living in a treehouse?

By Outandaway - 27/08/2023 20:00

Today, I was gently awoken by my daylight alarm clock. So were about 15 wasps that had started building their nest underneath my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 120

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 163

You deserved it 942

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been experiencing hair loss. He insisted on a pregnancy test. My parents then grounded me. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 114

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 622

You deserved it 3 154

Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 629

You deserved it 6 610

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 219

You deserved it 3 338

Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. The one said to the other "Nope she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 328

You deserved it 10 751