Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

by unluckymiss / 01/24/2010 at 1:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

by ashley_skillz06 / 01/24/2010 at 12:21am / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

by pogodrake / 01/24/2010 at 12:01am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

by lmiller / 01/23/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

by ceedee / 01/23/2010 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

by onemoreruinedthing / 01/23/2010 at 7:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML

by Queasy / 01/23/2010 at 7:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I asked my friend who is a fashion major why she didn't want to use me as a model for her senior project. She said my boobs were too big. I doubt it'd have been an issue if I were a girl. FML

by fatty / 01/23/2010 at 4:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

by Aphrodite / 01/23/2010 at 4:13pm / Love

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

by notaguidette / 01/23/2010 at 2:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

by rainydays79 / 01/23/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous