Mr Charles Town, WV, USA 39 years-old Single
Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML
Today, I almost got our office burned down by plugging the wrong charger into a laptop cooling fan. Tried to hide the incident and kept it casual but the smoke detector led it to my area and everyone knew I was the culprit. I'm a new hire too. FML
Today, I was wondering why my cheap and overall great apartment had been available for so long. After some research, it's now pretty clear: my landlord is, apparently, a well-known slumlord. FML
Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML
Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML
Today, I woke up from an erotic fantasy about my boss. Today was also the day he wanted to have a nice long chat about my future with the company. I couldn't even look him in the eye. FML
Today, at work I did inventory with my boss. He did the top shelves and I did the bottom ones. By the end, my knees were dirty and sore. I went home and my roommate asked me how my day went. I absent-mindedly said, "My boss had me on my knees all day." He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML
Today, while working at my job at a lumber/hardware store, my coworker told me he was taking an hour break instead of the usual half-hour. Not only did he leave me with a store packed with customers on Customer Appreciation Day, but he never came back until closing time. FML
Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML
Today, my house flooded. Hundreds of dollars worth of art supplies, multiple video game systems, academic awards from middle school, birthday cards from my deceased grandfather; it's all gone. What remained untouched? The cat's litter box, which somehow floated. FML.
Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML
Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML
Today, I helped my orchestra teacher out and played with a double quartet for a faculty meeting. When it came time to introduce us, he called out the names of the seven other students and then admitted in front of everyone that he'd forgotten my name. I've been one of his top students for 3 years. FML
Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML
Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
Today, I tried talking to the very quiet girl in my grade. We were having a conversation when a very hot guy walked into the cafeteria. I said to the girl, "The things I would do for him…" She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "That's my boyfriend." FML
Today, after missing my flight and being stuck on the other side of the globe, I received a call telling me that the "male, neutered" kitten I adopted 7 months ago is now pregnant. FML
Today, I heard from multiple people that my girlfriend called me a dumbass because I apparently sent her "Good Morning" twice. We aren't even three full days into the relationship. FML
Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML
Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid ran up to me and threw up. It was a 10-hour shift, and I was one hour in. FML
Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors and their 4 kids all under the age of 6. I met them due to all the thudding coming from upstairs. FML
Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML
Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML
Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML
Today, I received my uniform for culinary school. I'm 5'4" and 110 lbs, and during sizing even an XS uniform swam on me. On the other hand, I need huge shoes for my size 10 feet. Apparently, the school decided to ignore my sizing sheet and simply give me standard medium uniforms and size 8 shoes. FML
Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML
Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML
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