Miss Richmond, USA 36 years-old Single
Today, I scraped the ice off my boss's car windows and thought it'd be funny to scrape a swastika in the ice on his roof. I didn't realize until it thawed off that it scratched it into the paint. He didn't find much humor in it and is making me pay for the damage. FML
Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML
Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML
Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long-distance relationship, and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML
Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave, which flashes "Enjoy your meal" when it finishes cooking something. FML
Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out "Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?" The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML
Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML
Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer who, just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML
Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML
Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. - Mom" FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML
Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML
Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML
Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML
Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally replied, "Yeth ma'am." She ended the tour right there. FML
Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML
Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML
Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML
Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML
Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML
Today, my sister lost a leg. Immediately after hearing the news, my boyfriend started cracking jokes about getting her a job at IHOP. FML
Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML
Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML
Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to drive into a stack of some empty cardboard boxes on my street. They weren't empty. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
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