Miss 33 years-old Single
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, safety inspectors have deemed our basement unfit to serve as a bedroom due to a fire hazard. Our bed is now in the living room. FML
Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML
Today, I've been working abroad. The holiday request I put in two months ago and that was verbally approved came back denied today as they can't find cover. I have already booked my flights, can't cancel them, and I get to spend Christmas alone. FML
Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML
Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML
Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML
Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML
Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML
Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML
Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML
Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML
Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to end at 11 p.m. The company ended up wanting music late and my boss made me stay there until they got tired, which ended up being 3 a.m. I start work at my other job at 7 a.m. FML
Today, I got an expensive drone for my birthday. My brother got a BB gun and thought it would be hilarious to shoot my drone with it while I was flying it. FML
Today, I told my husband of 26 years that I was lonely. He asked what he could do to help. I said, "Just talk to me". Without a word, he went to sleep. FML
Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML
Today, it's the 11th day I've been in the hospital due to my kidneys. My mother has come in every day since to make me feel bad about missing Thanksgiving. FML
Today, I went for a trial shift somewhere perfect for me to work. I knew loads about the place and how they worked. The trial shift went really well. Not even two hours after my shift, they rang to tell me I'd lost out to someone who swore at a customer. FML
Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML
Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me two tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML
Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML
Today, I was scrolling through a bunch of old posts that my boyfriend's ex had posted about me on Facebook from a fake account she used to stalk and harass me for months. It was then that I figured out that one of my friends and my mother had been helping her the whole time. FML
Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML
Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML
Today, I parked in a "Disabled" space. A woman and her kids comes yelling at me about how I don't look disabled and I was just being selfish. I roll my pants up to reveal two prosthetic legs. She then yells at me that I should have warned her before showing my legs since it could scare her kids. FML
Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back where I work and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand, she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML
Today, I should be working on my big project for work due next week. Instead, I'm walking in and out of the block to get all my things from my flat. My roommate lied about paying the rent for months now and has actually been spending all the money on lotto tickets. And no, he didn't win anything. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
