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By megomania - 02/05/2011 13:51 - United States

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 064

You deserved it 4 445

By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/06/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 868

You deserved it 778

By juice723 - 02/02/2014 02:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 216

You deserved it 3 903

juice723 tells us more.

juice723 9

Sunday 2 February 2014 15:50

So yeah I've seen some comments asking for a follow up... I'm a girl. my mom has always said that her greatest regret was not having more children herself, but she's, you know, going through menopause... So I think wanting a lot of grandchildren is her way of making up for that. She has also clarified that she will be happy with four grandchildren, which is what I want to have. It was just wishful thinking that she could have that many grandchildren to help raise. Sorry if this long comment is confusing, but I hope it helps to clear things up!

By embarassed - 21/04/2011 03:24 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 371

You deserved it 12 955

Real smooth

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 672

You deserved it 8 623

Rock Bottom Riser

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 08:19

Today I realized that my boyfriend has more money on his Metro card than I have in my entire bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 306

Inexplicable

By omnomnom - 24/07/2021 06:01

Today, my son asked me if a video of a flame on a computer actually gives off heat like a fireplace. He was serious. He's 17 and inexplicably has straight A's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 152

By alucas3 - 29/05/2016 20:14 - United States

Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 392

You deserved it 1 098

By Anonymous - 02/02/2012 18:07 - India

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 513

You deserved it 26 062

By Jeff - 25/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 505

You deserved it 7 061

By NotThatKind - 24/08/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 635

You deserved it 42 430

By Boltz719 - 23/08/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 585

You deserved it 3 883

Every little helps

By Anonymous - 21/04/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that my grandmother desecrated my grandfather's grave. 14 years after his death, she dug up his body and had him cremated so that she could sell his plot back to the cemetery for money. I was the one who found out so I had to tell the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 232

My ears!

By puking now - 14/12/2013 00:34 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 273

You deserved it 5 178

How? Why? When?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 22:01

Today, I found on my brother's laptop thousands of pictures of my wife naked, in the shower and even a few of us having sex. That fucking creep put spy cams in our bedroom and bathroom. I’m so angry I don’t even know where to turn, hopefully the police can give me a hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 233

You deserved it 111

It is

By Anonymous - 07/12/2013 07:17 - United States - San Pablo

Today, my fifteen year-old son decided to tell his little five year-old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 568

You deserved it 6 958

By Anonymous - 05/12/2013 19:10 - United Kingdom - Washington

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 743

You deserved it 8 792

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 472

You deserved it 3 822

Red flag

By silver - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 361

You deserved it 341

By tired waitress - 25/04/2016 23:05 - United States

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 682

You deserved it 1 204

Alexa, play "****** Addict" by Buzzcocks

By Nuttjacob - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 714

You deserved it 42 311

Nice boxers

By Harmonia - 26/01/2009 10:09 - France

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I went. I returned with another pair for him to try on, found him bent over and blurted out, "What's with the terrible underwear?" I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 900

You deserved it 9 560

Taste test

By Anonymous - 08/06/2020 23:04

Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 737

You deserved it 295

Creepy

By jeeperspeepers - 02/08/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 140

You deserved it 133 000

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 376

You deserved it 5 858

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 15:26 - United States - Newville

Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 419

You deserved it 1 549

No, of course she's not…

By so racist - 25/06/2020 02:02

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 399

You deserved it 306

Dead to me

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 23:03

Today, and for the last week, I've been dreaming only to wake up when my dream-self commits suicide. I'm generally a happy person, so I've no idea why my subconscious is killing me so often. This time, I stuck my face in an industrial-size blender. I can still feel my jaw rattling from the impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 188

By Omydayz - 29/03/2016 23:03 - United States - Fremont

Today, after telling a friend I was contemplating asking a girl to prom, my friend took my phone, told me to have some balls, and texted the girl asking her to prom. She said no, because I asked her over text instead of in person. She refuses to believe I didn't send the text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 673

You deserved it 1 940

By fmlatmovies - 25/07/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 682

You deserved it 4 770

fmlatmovies tells us more.

fmlatmovies 0

Saturday 25 July 2009 23:31

actually all you haters out there, i didn't have enough room to put my response! i actually turned to her and told her to **** off and to take her annoying fat ass out of the theater because she was blocking the view for everyone and no one could hear the movie over her irritating voice that makes people want to dropkick babies! that shut her up for the rest of the movie.