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It's a conspiracy!

By Robyn - 05/01/2016 08:43 - Belgium - Stokkem

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 175

You deserved it 1 755

By MeowApp - 01/02/2017 10:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 265

You deserved it 1 383

Young love

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 10:01

Today, I thought my husband was going to explode the vein in his forehead when our daughter's new boyfriend turned up with a Mike Tyson face tattoo, a weed cigarette in his mouth, and instead of “Hello” all he said was, “What up, grandpa dude. Is Sarah ready?” Our daughter's name is Sandra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 148

By canadiankc - 04/06/2009 02:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 431

You deserved it 8 584

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 668

You deserved it 9 047

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 04:12 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 879

You deserved it 1 746

By luckygirl - 14/12/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 4 531

By clayton - 28/07/2012 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 44 221

Wrong end of the stick

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while I was jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The thief got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 671

You deserved it 3 456

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 13:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 598

You deserved it 7 490

Good one, Debbie

By xXxJoe16xXx - 01/12/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied, "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 144

You deserved it 8 441

By Anonymous - 04/04/2017 09:07

Today, coming home after a hard day's work was so relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 788

You deserved it 493

By Anonyme - 03/12/2015 06:22 - Indonesia

Today, in Indonesia, while being driven around on a motorcycle, the rider told me that he was in love with me, and that he was very rich. He offered me the equivalent of 7 euros in exchange for my services in a nearby bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 88

By 6xrv - 08/04/2017 14:00

Today, while at the mall, I was traveling up the escalator on my way to the food court. When I neared the top, the handrail severely shocked me, causing me to drop a bag of China I had just bought, which fell to the bottom of the escalator and shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 501

You deserved it 541

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 536

You deserved it 21 940

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:24 - United Kingdom

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 970

You deserved it 48 618

By Immafail - 20/12/2016 18:32

Today, my mother decided to "help me" by throwing out the stack of papers on my desk. Unfortunately, those were all my notes for my final exams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 851

You deserved it 608

Ceremony from hell

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 16:27 - United States - Spanaway

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "Does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 066

You deserved it 3 933

Comedy gold

By skippy_liz - 26/10/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to the library to pick up a copy of Romeo and Juliet for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied, "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 598

You deserved it 8 914

The Usain Bolt method

By theultimatesalonfail - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 449

You deserved it 3 269

By Addianna - 15/12/2016 16:04 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, and every day this week, my office mate has decided to "liven up the place" by singing and whistling Christmas tunes and other unknown songs. She has zero musical ability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 807

You deserved it 663

By elvisfreak5446 - 10/08/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 23 411

By obsceene - 18/10/2010 10:49 - United States

Today, it was wacky tacky day at my school. I did not participate, however, I did get voted the tackiest outfit in my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 117

You deserved it 8 383

By LesboLover - 26/06/2019 02:30

Today, I found out that my crush is a lesbian. Everyone knew about it. Everyone also knew that I liked her. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 284

I'm coming out, I want the world to know

By Anonymous - 25/07/2023 03:00

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year told me he thinks he might be gay. I took off my shirt, sexily climbed over him, and began to kiss him passionately. "What do you think now?" I said seductively. His response? "Now I'm sure I'm gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 1 006

Momma's gotta have it

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 04:00

Today, after giving birth, my wife was put on the sex ban until she heals. The thing is she has a high sex drive and is now horny, cranky, while also post surgery and also breastfeeding. I try to sexually satisfy her in other ways, but she's a nightmare to be with until we can have full sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 424

Strange kink

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he got a call from his best friend, whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzipped his pants and mouthed, "She won't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 009

You deserved it 7 537

By Discouraged - 31/05/2012 12:43 - United States - Rockville

Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 957

You deserved it 2 659

By ew - 15/09/2015 16:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 327

You deserved it 1 579

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 21:14 - United States

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 521

You deserved it 3 389

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The Top

Today, I love my boyfriend just as I always have, but I'm realizing I don't know if we'll last because he's an angry drunk. He drinks frequently, and I've talked to him about it, only to be met with, "I'm a grown ass man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 235

Today, I had a family reunion and there were a lot of people there that I didn't know. The person that I'd been sleeping with for about 7 months showed up. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 343

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 920

You deserved it 3 217

Today, I had an interview to be a waitress. Afterwards, I had food in the restaurant, which is where I overheard my interviewer tell the manager he wasn’t going to bother hiring “that girl I just interviewed” because "her face is nasty and she’ll put the customers off their food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 116

Today, I realized that my mom talks to me with the exact same tone of voice she uses for my little cousin. I’m 23 and my cousin is 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 327

You deserved it 339

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 405

You deserved it 17 972