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By Alup132 - 11/09/2018 22:00

Today, while delivering pizza, a customer got mad at me and accused me of not having a GPS, then cussed me out and hung up. The address he gave me was a parking lot with 6 cars, none of which were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 794

You deserved it 165

Revenge is sweet

By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 22:03 - Iceland - Akranes

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 286

You deserved it 27 832

Turn off

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 150

You deserved it 4 278

Swifties unite!

By jeanrose2013 - 23/10/2012 22:12 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 389

You deserved it 3 206

Poor good boy

By they don’t die they multiply - 16/11/2021 08:02

Today, after an emergency, my sister’s kids had to spend the night at my house. While I was asleep, they absolutely trashed my place top to bottom. In the morning my sister came in, said, “Wow, what a mess! Bye!” without offering to help clean up or make her kids do it. They drew on my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 195

By jesushelpme - 22/10/2012 19:08 - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 170

You deserved it 5 602

By Darkheaven - 17/11/2008 11:27 - France

Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 507

You deserved it 9 498

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 05:06 - United States - Miami

Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 800

You deserved it 1 687

By religionbites621 - 22/11/2011 17:18 - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 581

You deserved it 3 557

By icanunderstand - 10/07/2009 12:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 237

You deserved it 3 687

By and he wonders why I'm anxious - 25/02/2016 22:41 - Netherlands

Today, after years of torment by my anxiety disorders and therapy and medication not helping, I've made the decision to try hypnosis. After doing a Google search and finding out my therapist is a man, my overly jealous fiancé insisted on joining, "because he might hypnotise you into cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 227

You deserved it 2 391

Thank you for being there for me

By myboyfriendisweird - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Phoenix

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 027

You deserved it 7 056

By driverboy - 31/12/2014 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 930

You deserved it 4 886

By Carebeareatu - 14/09/2013 05:42 - United States - North Richland Hills

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 585

You deserved it 3 592

Carebeareatu tells us more.

Carebeareatu 23

Sunday 15 September 2013 0:58

op here. I don't know why they did. I dont want to know why they did.

Throwing shade

By deargodwhy - 04/09/2020 10:03

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 812

By shandrith - 03/07/2009 14:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 892

shandrith tells us more.

shandrith 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 12:48

Hi, I'm the one that posted this FML. I know that cheating wasn't a good thing to do, but that wasn't the point of the FML. Had I simply found out that he was cheating with someone else, of either gender as I knew that he was bi when we entered the relationship, I would have said nothing. The reason I posted it, and the reason I do consider it to be an FML is because of the absolute ridiculousness of the fact that we were cheating with the SAME PERSON!!! The three of us have spoken and decided that none of us are going to continue seeing each other. The BF and I were obviously both deeply unhappy, and the third part took advantage of both of us. Ex and I will probably remain friends, and chalk this up to one of those errors in life that are hilarious five years later, but hurt like hell when they happen. #3 can go to hell for all I care

Policy schmolicy

By p!nk - 12/09/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, I let my daughter dye her hair pink. I got an email from her school stating that the hair color violated the school dress code as it's “distracting,” and she will not be allowed to attend classes until she changes it. We do school over Zoom. Not sure how her hair distracts on a screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 340

Snitches get stitches

By bad sis sad sis - 24/09/2020 02:01

Spicy

Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 861

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 51 114

Sure, come on in…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 687

You deserved it 1 667

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 063

You deserved it 35 426

By Fran - 09/01/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 551

You deserved it 3 376

Freaky

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 20:24 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 421

You deserved it 3 193

Succession

By Greatgrandpa - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Curacao

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 436

You deserved it 2 977

By synyster505 - 19/12/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 902

You deserved it 36 626

By Ania - 15/10/2011 05:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 916

You deserved it 3 649

Classic

By Dirtyswede - 17/06/2009 14:57 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 133

You deserved it 22 889

By .... - 31/12/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 4 208

Bubbly

By traumatised - 15/06/2019 22:27

Today, I went to make my morning coffee as usual. When I opened the container for the coffee grounds, I saw it bubbling. Perplexed, I looked closer. This is how I discovered that maggots can actually bubble what they ingest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 16:19 - United States - Newark

Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is not a blackberry, and that blue raspberry is an artificial flavor, not a fruit. This explanation took much longer than it should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 304

You deserved it 2 228

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Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 510

You deserved it 11 777

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 473

You deserved it 29 214

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 982

You deserved it 3 053

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait, hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was four extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 935

You deserved it 53 997

So, can you figure out what happens next?

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 154

Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of one year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 898

You deserved it 242