Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML
Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML
Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML
Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML
Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML
Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML
Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, three policemen interrogated me and asked for ID, but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML
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Top comments
MubeenMV3 5
Ohh sht, the first sentence of this FML is so misleading lmao
babybebop2 4
Ha I started reading like "you deserved it" then Im like oh no that sucks
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Comments (151)
MubeenMV3 5
Ohh sht, the first sentence of this FML is so misleading lmao
mama2b3 20
I know! I started reading and I was like what the hell? lol
thatgirlinoregon 21
I would think that the homeowner would be with him, and be able to vouch for him. Seems kind of strange to me...
TrimKibbles 12
Yeah, I almost YDI'd it before reading it.
boydeee01 7
I read the first sentence, then looked at the votes, and went "wtf?". Then I read the rest of the FML.
enonymous 9
I feel no remorse for YDI. YDI for phrasing it that way
K_kanaka 26
Damn I almost pushed YDI good thing I read rest of it. Sorry for thinking you were bad OP
HahaHokayThen 10
50- "for phrasing it that way"? First, OP made the FML sound 5x more interesting by starting it the way he did. & second, just because he phrased it that way doesn't mean it's not an FML & that you shouldn't feel remorse...
RoseTintMyWorld 8
This FML and the one after both start out so misleading.
_Oblivion_ 12
50- That's what makes the fml original and interesting.
tellithowitis 13
50 was obviously being sarcastic. I got your back
Fluhz 6
I started reading and was like... "Why would they even post this...?"
tellithowitis 13
Ok everyone I think we have established that the first sentence is misleading.
Jonkbaby 23
dayyyum #1
tjv3 10
Nice wording OP. man the po pos must be bored
EPICROCKERNINJA 8
MubeenMV3- what's the mistake? I've been trying to gues for a while. . .
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
OP your not black are you cause I am and if you were they probably would have shot you then sprinkled crack on the body and said it was gang violence
thisisafunnyname 12
I read the first sentence, then looked at the votes and was like what the ****?
blushy 14
sorry op but the police were just doing their job. you have to addmit, the scene sounds dodgy
_EnderDoge 22
I DID press it @35
babybebop2 4
Ha I started reading like "you deserved it" then Im like oh no that sucks
CheckItOutItsYou 7
Cool story bro
THE_A_TEEN 28
Yo dawg, I heard you like overused meme's. Y U fail?
CheckItOutItsYou 7
Yup I sure indeed failed :(
Llama_Face89 34
66- twice. Your sentence structure makes me cringe...
honeybee1985 3
Yes that def sucks
apepe78 1
What? Please double check your grammar.
waveringatom 1
Wasn't the homeowner with you?
doubleohseven 0
My thoughts exactly
terrask 11
That pretty much sums the ''?'' of this fml...
downtime 13
3, The simple answer to your question is: no.
cooldes_fml 4
If i was the locksmith even with the homeowner next to me we would just look like two robbers with a clever excuse
breeY0 7
homeowners dont look like homeowners without keys !
downtime 13
When my parents don't have their keys on them they're almost unrecognisable dark shadows of the people they usually are...
freakinglaugher 10
I just use the garage code. Am I a shadow? :(
downtime 13
No, you're just a horrible human being. I'm sorry.
MrsUresti 8
Hahaha
THE_A_TEEN 28
What a very original comment.
boydeee01 7
You say the same thing on every comment like this. How "original".
THE_A_TEEN 28
Oh i'm sorry, here's an original comment: "Yes, we all thought it was funny, now make a funny comment, NOW!!!" Does this appeal to your taste's, Mr. Critic?
boydeee01 7
No. You just sound like a broken record. Just thumbs down the comment, much simpler.
Krulin 8
@44: Sounds like he's *puts on sunglasses* An Original Prankster
Blacksxe 1
So misleading first sentence. Well you can't blame the cops. It would look like a B&E from them.
DrMime 10
If you got jail time, they would not be able to 'throw away the key'. As you could craft another!
EvilTwerp 12
I wonder what type of questions he was asking that took 20 minutes. "And what is your favorite color?"
TheDrudgeChild 4
They probably had to completely verify that he was a real locksmith and not a fraud burglar. 20 minutes of questions isn't that hard to imagine.
terrask 11
Don't worry, there's plenty to ask about someone when a police officer needs to clarify something. You should be glad, happy even that you think 20min is a long time. Means you've never had a run0in with them, keep it that way (^_^)
Llama_Face89 34
57- I believe what you were attempting to say was, "What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
airforce987 20
What do you mean, African or European?
downtime 13
Depends if it's migrating a coconut.
bvq25 8
"What? I don't know that!"
ssnowywinter 0
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ninjuh_wingman 29
I wonder who called the cops.
DrMime 10
A person with a phone! :D
airforce987 20
What if they just yelled really loudly and the cops had really good hearing? O.o
jwp0211 17
Probably the neighbors
pussapian 3
**** the police? I think so ...
Pelreskovich 11
Such a stupid thing to say. Police aren't given enough credit for what they do. What if he wasn't a lock smith and was about to wipe that house clean?
TheDrifter 24
**** them? He's at work, do you really think the op has the time to take a sex break after losing 20 minutes to their questioning?
turdontoast 8
Are you guys not familiar with the **** the Police meme?
TheDrifter 24
Meme? No. I do however know the NWA song by that name though.
TheDog6 24
53. Thanks. You sir have helped made my day.
BeccaHugs 17
**** YOU.
Calyx_fml 22
Good. It's good to hear that the police are actually doing their jobs and attempting to prevent real crime, not bullshit "crime" like busting pot smokers. If you were actually a burglar they would have done the right thing.
Calyx_fml 22
Poop.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Pot is illegal so busting potheads wouldn't be a "bullshit crime". They would be doing their jobs.
SecretMe00 5
13 RIGHT ON, 54 BOO ON YOU
downtime 13
54, I think their point is that they're resolving an issue that affects people and isn't just something made illegal to save people from themselves. The police should be focusing more on the crimes perpetuated on them by others, not just arresting someone for doing something deemed stupid by the law but with little impact on the community - especially since arresting them doesn't resolve the situation in any way.
Swiftly 0
Lol I was about to press ydi
TheMaster15 10
Lol and I was about to thumb you down... Oh wait, I did.
Swiftly 0
^^^newfag