Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML
Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way, my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML
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Top comments
Anonanimal 0
he's just trying to bug you. you wouldn't believe the things my parents have said to me in arguements xD
Suckylicious 0
my dad says im adopted all the time. i think im his kid. i just dont care that much!
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Comments (145)
fmylifegurl 0
first yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy but that sucks
PIexico 0
ydi for being insecure about your birth
Tobe_fml 0
FAKE, this video has the same thing, word for word! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUUWEJgO7dE
Imawhalerider 0
interesting thought, but your existence is from your parents so being insecure might be justified. Logic cant win sometimes.
sublime93 0
Plexico??
plexico 4
The original plexico is with a lower-case 'P' The ************ stole my picture, too!
waterynuggets 0
ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PIexico 0
lmao try a capital i moron lmao **** didnt notice your account had a lower-case and not a capital :) oh well get rdy for your rep to be ****** :) time for some major ******* tolling BITCH
premiermois 5
Boo to you, stupidass phony troll. I vote for the real plexico to troll like it should be done.
plexico 4
Stop using my picture, and learn to use apostrophes.
Intoxicunt 6
plexico, the real one, this is getting to be a problem, isn't it!? What the **** is with the impostors!? Report them. It's what I did with "Intoxicuunt" (probably the same person) and it got him/her permanently banned.
plexico 4
Toxi, Like Babu said on "Seinfeld," "The veels are in motion."
Intoxicunt 6
plex: Good taste in television, FTW. You could have been Seinfeld in another life, only even funnier. Haha, that reminds me of a dream I had involving Jerry Seinfeld once. I can't go into details, suffice to say I had a repeat of it only with Rob Zombie instead the next night. My subconscious has a twisted sense of humor.
sublime93 0
#83, I will now take it upon myself to reply to your comments & let everybody know of your imposter-ness.
Intoxicunt 6
It would be more efficient to report this idiot. :) Also, is it spelled "imposter" or "impostor"? FML and my email program underlines the former but not the latter, however, I was almost positive it had an 'e' in it. =/
plexico 4
Thanks, sublime93, I hope we'll get fake Plexico taken care of as quickly as we got rid of fake Intoxicunt (the fake with two u's). The worst part is that he wants to look like me, when even I don't want to look like me ;) I hope to keep earning your laughs and appreciation.
p1exico 0
I think that every user should change their name to some variant of plexico! :-D (this is a different guy than the last one by the way)
Intoxicunt 6
What. The. ****!? This is my dream come true! A site filled with "plexico" clones! Except you fakes aren't funny. So go away! You guys DO know you're going to be deleted if you steal his picture, right?
newmanlyman3 8
ah shit
fmylifegurl 0
wait i was first yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Anonanimal 0
do you honestly have no thoughts in your head more interesting than "oh wow"
gonzolove 0
And a bear in your closet. =]
NewLight8421 0
and a tiger in your bed (: tigers lions and bears OH MY!
NewLight8421 0
oops i ment: and a lion in your bed! lions tigers and bear oh my! :D
Gia0896 0
WOW. STFU
Starchild21 3
Wow
JustSoLost 8
LMAO...#2 get a life. HAHA. :)
yamba_fml 0
don't worry, he's probably kidding
Witchcraft_fml 5
Can you count? You're not first.
stereopump 0
Do people not realize that by replying to people who say 'first' it's just making more people click to show the downrated comment?
fmylifegurl 0
yeah ur def the idiot cause im first and second idiot lmao it doesn't really matter but u might want to make ur facts straight before u say anything ;p
glitchead 0
OK, wtf? I'm 14 and have heard the term geriatric, around twice. Comment below me and thumbs down me if you heard a 5 year old child correctly use the term geriatric without any help. thums up if not. So how is that acting like you're 5?
SlightlyGPirate 0
get a life you retard. whats the big deal about being the first comment? its really not much of an achievement. an achievement is like getting first in a competition, you get awards for that. fmylife isn't going to start randomly sending out certificates to spastics like you who enjoy being pathetic and writing "first!" as a comment. grow up and get a life
jackalope069 0
and you weren't second idiot, you were third, the second commenter just got deleted.
premiermois 5
... Honestly I fail to see what really makes this an FML. Terrible job, moderators.
ididitmyself 0
why is this comment hidden? there is nothing wrong with it...
Anonanimal 0
he's just trying to bug you. you wouldn't believe the things my parents have said to me in arguements xD
Starchild21 3
Like I know it's so hella wrong that he hella said that because hella is a ******* RETARDED word hella FYL Gia
JarJarBinks_fml 0
Don't overreact, besides, even if you aren't his biological son, nothing should change
Suckylicious 0
my dad says im adopted all the time. i think im his kid. i just dont care that much!
Gia0896 0
Oh, that hellaaa suckz for u
Starchild21 3
That sucks ass but your dad/step dad torched your ass :D I give him an A for originality BTW there's a tiger in the bathroom
allysonnn 0
you should have came up with a snappy comeback
robotiick7 23
He could've said that his parents were stuck with him and ops parents chose her