Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML
Smooth, real smooth
Today, a guy asked me out on Facebook, then called me a conceited bitch when I said no. I don't know, dude; maybe it's just that I already have a boyfriend, that you asked me out on Facebook, and that you posted the same message on 4 other girls' walls as well. FML
Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML
Today, after over six weeks of not getting a single shift at my part time job, I finally went in to meet my new manager. He didn't even know I existed. Apparently my old manager lied and said I quit so they hired someone else. FML
nattlecakes tells us more.
Alright. OP here. My workplace switched managers due to our store getting a bad rating from corporate and sales basically tanking. He was demoted to a different store and instead decided to quit. I wasn't getting hours before my old manager left either. I had talked to him and he said the ratio with sales versus hours employees are working was out of whack or something along those lines, and since I hadn't been fully trained yet I couldn't run the shop on my own or even with one to two others there since they would have been either doing all the work or they wouldn't have needed me there. Also pretty much very other co worker had been whittled down to only one to three shifts a week other than the supervisors so that was out of my control but things are supposed to change when the new manager comes in. My new manager comes in a few weeks ago and I was still coming in every week to check the schedule. At this point nobody knew that's what my old manager had said. I kept seeing coworkers and talking to them, but never my new manager so I checked to see when he would be in. Inconveniently, just after this new manager transferred to our store he went on a two and a half week vacation (three weeks of work). The day he comes back in I come in and introduce myself and say I would like to discuss hours, and he has the most confused look on his face ever. I punch in my employee number and it says I am no longer employed. That's when we called the owner and figure out what had happened. They said they would call me. That was on Saturday and it's now Tuesday, so i have no idea whether or not I will be getting my job back. Either way I am looking for employment elsewhere since I obviously don't have much stability at my current workplace and the business is suffering badly anyway.
Suave
Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML
Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML
Today, I lost a grade on an essay, because according to my teacher, I put much more detail into my analytical essay than I should have. FML
Today, after dating the love of my life for a year, my parents refuse to give their blessing for us to be engaged, because he's two years younger than me and "people change as they age." FML
Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML
Grasping at straws
Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused to get her name tattooed on my chest. FML
Today, a woman came through drive-thru and placed a long order while screaming at her kids in back. When we forgot a doughnut, she became enraged, threw her iced coffees at me, told me I was a no-life and that I always get her order wrong. It's my first day and I was only giving her the order. FML
CoffeeGirl2000 tells us more.
Hey everyone OP here! I can't believe that this was posted, but thank you for all of the support. Whether you consider it good or bad, I got to go home after the woman dumped the 4 large iced coffees on me. My manager says that woman will be banned from the store for a month because of her reckless behavior. Thanks again everone!
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML
Hi there!
Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that my window has an excellent view of my new neighbors, who just so happen to like to shag with the blinds open. I guess I'll be buying some curtains. FML
Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML
Nutter on the bus
Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
Today, after a relaxing week away, my husband and I came home to discover our 17 year old son crashed one of our cars against the other. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML
Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML
Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML
Wreckless Eric
Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML
No friends, no problems
Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Puck my life
Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML