Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I noticed my dog chewing on something while on the couch. It looked like a wash rag of some sort, so I grabbed it from my dog. It wasn't until after I picked it up that I noticed it wasn't a wash rag. It was a small, dead bird. FML
Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML
Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had destroyed my couch. The worst part? He buried his plastic toy bone inside the wreckage, so he clearly thinks this is his new personal sandbox play pit spot. I'm afraid to get a new couch and put it in the same place. FML
Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML
Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML
Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Polly wants some cotton. She could also be looking for loose change to hire the cute pigeon from outside the window.
Cads1 24
Sounds like the bird may become dinner soon.
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Comments (43)
Welshite 40
Polly wants some cotton. She could also be looking for loose change to hire the cute pigeon from outside the window.
peacheso 31
I'm making it a point, maybe even a goal to reply with "well shite!" every time I see your comments.
adragonhunter 18
I read quite penguin... I was pretty confused
Space_Teddy 29
Sounds a lot like my 2 bunnies, only they hide out underneath the couch and nest inside it
Cads1 24
Sounds like the bird may become dinner soon.
thecman25 14
Screwed you are
ILikeKoalas 24
That is bizarrely cute
DarkPandaXD 15
Yeah, so bizarrely cute that OP now has to pay for a new couch.
Sansa_fml 38
And the price for a new couch isn't cute at all. These things are expensive.
MrConcise 35
Don't buy couches, just go on Craigslist. People would rather give them away than pay to have them moved to their new home. And this is straight up adorable. Do I like that my cats smack me in the face to wake me up? No, but it's still cute. OP likes her couch in one piece, but certainly she's amused by her bird's whacky antics.
HighasaCloud 46
Craigslist couches? What a great idea; who knows what kind of bonus mites and pathogens are included as a free gift!
MrConcise 35
Live a little and clean it, ya wuss. ❤
teapotrevolt 27
How do you even disciple a bird? ... Condolences to the couch, and maybe it's time to cage - shop as well as a new couch.
Tarlachia 33
How to disciple a bird? "Do you have a minute to talk about our Lord and Savior, the Great Bald Eagle?"
Welshite 40
First, the bird must exhibit faith and loyalty to the Couch. It must pray to the couch and work miracles in its name. It must gather followers to the Holy Mother Couch so that the truth may be spread throughout the land. Then, it is a disciple.
tukies 28
Birds are extremely trainable. There is no reason to keep them in a cage at all times. I am sure op has one though. Birds like to shred it keeps their beaks from over growing. Unfortunately at times they do the unexpected, like when my power went out when I wasn't home. Mine took it upon himself to pick at the trimming on my wall. It's about a inch wide. I put tape down for a few days and said no, and now he knows what he did is wrong.
Tarlachia 33
Polly: Hide and Seek Champion of the home. Just one step closer to edging out Bigfoot for Champion of the World!
wakemeupplease 21
Time to get a cat
HighasaCloud 46
I don't understand the downvotes; this is funny. I guess there are too many overly-sensitive FMLers here
riffehunter 16
"I think I saw a pussy cat"
iwanttogotoparis 26
Don't you just love animals?
feven 32
My conure used to destroy my clothes. Just give him/her something else they can chew or rip apart.
xx000o 27
I destroyed his bookcase, then the wiring behind the TV, then the carpet. And the list goes on.
jasonswife423 18
I had a bunny that did the same thing. Luckily, we had a friend who was getting rid of his almost new couch, so we got one for free. Hopefully you get the same kind of luck!