Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML
Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with my longtime crush. I told all my friends about it, because of course I was really excited. Until later that night, when he texted me, telling me not to tell anyone what had happened, and that it was a one time deal. Oh, and right after that, he asked me for nudes. FML
roxieee234 tells us more.
I'm OP and just to clarify we were on a date so I wasn't expecting it to just be a hookup and the entire evening he had been talking about a potential relationship. I was quite vulnerable at this point and very into him so, obviously, I would've done anything he asked. of course in the end he didn't really want a relationship. and the reason I decided to tell my friends was because, as I said, he had been talking about a future for us and I believed him and I was excited thinking there would be more than just one night between us. turned out I was wrong. but also, no, I'm not a fuckgirl, just gullible.
Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML
witchybaby89 tells us more.
witchybaby89 16
To answer a lot of questions, I'm a truck stop waitress not a prostitute or stripper. He's a truck driver who has been a faithful customer for two years and has been handsy before but never to this extent. I took the money to my manager and they're looking over video of the parking lot and my restaurant.
Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML
Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started unrolling the toilet paper, the whole roll fell off the handle and rolled out underneath the cubicle door. I heard somebody laugh at me. Nobody helped. FML
Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML
jarkleflob tells us more.
jarkleflob 13
Thank you all for the support! I would've never thought that this would get published. I first wanted to point out that we were on vacation out of state, very expensive vacation with a very expensive meal. Although that doesn't excuse his remarks/actions, I can see why he was in a bad mood. We had a pretty tense "vacation", there were a lot of people everywhere, foreigners that couldn't speak English, and a lot of things that my parents aren't open minded towards. I constantly have to remind my parents that "there is nothing you can do about it so don't worry about it". The comments you guys left were hilarious and I'm thankful for the ideas you gave - even if it wasn't the most serious.
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML
Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML
Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML
Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML
Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML
Today, I turned in my homework. Too bad I accidentally handed in the printed answer sheet I found online to copy from. FML
Today, I was fired from my dream job for being pregnant. Apparently, you can't teach children while growing one inside you. FML
mrsmahdi tells us more.
mrsmahdi 12
They fired me in a clever way by telling me they didn't have anything for me to teach and that me going on maternity leave was too hard on the students I had so someone else was doing my classes. So I was not officially fired so much as pushed out and replaced
Today, my husband accidentally erased some pictures from our hard drive. No worries, nothing major: just everything from our wedding and the birth of our first child. FML
Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML
Today, I had to take a drugs test at work. Later, I found out it was my fiancé's mother who called our hotline. Her reason: I work till 6 pm, her "baby" should eat before that, but he can't cook, so I should quit my job. He is 35. And he thinks I should apologize for upsetting her at dinner. FML
Dobche tells us more.
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I am 1,000 days sober and drug-free. I suffer from depression and I am craving terribly. I have a migraine and a bladder infection. And I can deal with all of this. But what I can't deal with is my dipshit coworker asking if I want to go out for drinks and snort cocaine to celebrate. FML
Tattoo_Freak tells us more.
OP here. Thank you guys and girls for all this amazing support! I am truly humbled. #17, I have read and re-read your message. Thank you so very much. #108, Congratulations to your mom! It is always great to hear of other people's success. #134, 49 days and going strong. Well done! Take it one day at a time. To everyone I haven't mentioned, please know that I have read all of your comments, and I will continue to read them every day. It is support like this that keeps me going during the difficult and dark times.
Today, after handing over the cash to buy my sister's car off her, she refused to sign any of the paperwork, and later put an ad on Craigslist selling the same car. I got scammed by my own sister. FML
Kassutera tells us more.
I will give you an update on what has since happened: The car in question was 1500 bucks and I needed a car badly so I bought it off her and she told me she would give me the paperwork the following day for it. Being she is my sister I trusted her to give me the papers the next day. I happened to browse Craigslist only to find an ad resembling the car I just bought off her with her phone number. I called to see if she could take the ad down because I figured that she put this up before I bought the car when she told me she isn't going to take the ad down and the car is for sale. For those of you accusing of me owing her money...I did not owe anything to her before hand and paid her in full for the car. I had originally given my mom the money to give to my sister so it is not like she cannot say I have no proof the money wasn't given to her. My mom has been on her case about stealing the money and we are still working things out. Will give an update if it does eventually work out.
Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
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