Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
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Top comments
escape2music 0
try brushing your teeth?
OneandOnlyOne 0
Never ever offer to do it again. If he hints that he wants one, tell him his penis isn't clean enough for your mouth. He sounds like a REAL moron!
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Comments (85)
escape2music 0
try brushing your teeth?
tpag3r 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI FOR BEING A DIRTY ****
tbagg74 0
For future reference this could have been prevented by not picking up guys in gay bars
genius_man16 1
Was her mouth really that nasty though? I mean, I assume "messing around" includes kissing right? So he will kiss her but not let her go down on him? Unless you guys didn't kiss, but then that'd just be weird.
tpag3r 0
burying only serves to infuriate the troll
Skull_300 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Drop that no good piece of Shit. He's probably dickin' the dog...I'll let you blow me and I'll be appreciative!
djb23 0
maybe you just swear to much?
epicFAIL_Sometim 0
YDI for not using an electric toothbrush.
KumoFF7 3
YDI for not flossing, I hope the tooth fairy rapes you.
eggnogg 0
syphilis is why you brush your teeth b4, ydi
toastygoat 0
What? But his penis was clean enough, though??
Knight05 0
It could be worse your girlfriend could be black, and then it would feel like getting sucked off by a greasy piece of KFC chicken with a mouth at the end of it. God how I love the smell of baby oil.
KumoFF7 3
YDI for not flossing. I hope the tooth fairy rapes you
americayay 0
Eh 1. I doubt it's about her breath. It's probably his own issue with oral sex in general. He probably just doesn't like the idea of sticking it in someone's dirty mouth.
MCofpwnage 0
God DAMN it Knight05, we don't want your ******* racism. Keep it to yourself and any douche who's stupid enough to agree with you.
FarSide 23
Well, you know, you are from Missouri. Nevertheless, the upside of getting a beej from a toothless woman would probably be quite enjoyable.
FarSide 23
@13: You sound like the type who washes their hands after using the toilet (if at all). I were raised to wash my hands BEFORE going to the toilet. I take good care of "Big Ed".
Plumppotato 3
technically the mouth is the dirtiest part of the human body. its disgusting to think about all the bacteria she wouldve rubbed on his little buddy. plus the fact that saliva is part of the digestive system, having all that spit and stuff on it wouldve broken down his penis cells.
PokeyStix 3
Wow, you must never have had a ********.
WhiteDelight 4
******** are the shit
Plumppotato 3
i was kidding......
tapdancr4eva 0
What kind of guy would say that? He should be greatful. He sounds like a jerk!
slayerrrr 0
yes, cos gay guys are known for being totally anti oral.... idiot :-P
crudeandrudeguy 29
Lol at buried troll
kissa148 3
haha, thats great.
protooler31 0
haha, he has a point, most people's mouths have FAR more germs/bacteria than their genitals.
DameGreyWulf 1
Indeed-a-doodle. But now, even with the mouth wash, she's probably going to be too nervous to go down on him. Too bad for him. Unless she meant it was just her first time going down on him, and not in general.
medfly 2
let's say that I have less bacteria in my penis than in my mouth, but I have genital herpes. is it still cleaner than your mouth?
cataelophobia 1
hahaha, win/ew.
bribold1 0
personally I think not because that would mean it has a disease, and the whole point of cleanliness is to avoid diseases
taazer 12
do any of you know how many bacterias there is on a mans penis?? and the mouth is one of the cleanest places on the body!
clapfire 1
No, no it's not.
xNephilim 19
Fun fact... Genital herpes and "mouth" herpes are completely different. So even if you did have genital herpes, it wouldn't affect your partner if they were only pleasuring you orally.
crudeandrudeguy 29
157- truly EPIC fail. You just can't get any more wrong no matter how hard you try...
boba123 0
hahaha hilarious
saraa615 0
Try Listerine. And a tongue scraper. On top of brushing, which I hope you already do.
lollerskater 0
Play some hockey, then invest in dentures?
adelaide_evening 0
Does that mean he thinks you don't brush your teeth, or that you were going to give him herpes by giving him a ********?
taaywall 13
herpes? really hahah
BenignScientists 0
Seriously, if a guy turns you down for a BJ, something is seriously rotten in Denmark. ... and by Denmark, I mean you mouth
lilkim_fml 0
haha i live in Denmark:)
lilkim_fml 0
So that actually means that i live in OP's dirty mouth? Hmmm. Time to think again.......
IDKOMGWTFTWROFLM 0
lol. I couldn't agree more
fxdxhk90 0
So? Your boyfriend is a complete moron, his life is more screwed then yours.
davidtheday 0
The OP probably had a cold sore!!!! EWWWWW!!!!