Today, one of my online friends told me he's bought a plane ticket, so he can come visit me. I've told him multiple times before that I'm uncomfortable with this idea, but he keeps telling me to stop joking, and reminding me that he'll have no other place to stay. FML
LolAtMyPosts tells us more.
For those who care, no, I didn't give him my address, I'm not an idiot. He just knows the city I live in, because I'm sure I've mentioned it during a group chat. He and I are NOT in a relationship in any way, shape, or form. I barely know him. He's had this weird obsession with me for a while. We talk about once every other day, and have two types of conversations. The most common is: 'Hi, how are you? Good? Glad to hear you're good. Have a nice day.' And that's it. The less common and more creepy is him asking: 'Can I buy you stuff? Can I have your address so I can send you stuff? Do you like jewelry? I'm going to come visit you ;)' He doesn't know my real name, nor do I know his. He doesn't know what I look like, only what I sound like on a mic. We only know each other through our gaming community, and nothing more. :/ I have broken all ties with him, and deleted him off my friends' list (because that's the ONLY way he could contact me). Dude needs to grow up and get his head checked.
Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML
Today, I realized that every day without fail, the muffins I've been making and giving to my husband for work have been hitting speeding cars' windshields. FML
Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML
Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML
Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and me. It started with, "I love you", and ended with,"You and your brother were mistakes." FML
Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought I was going to ask him if we wanted children together. Instead of talking about it, he pretended to have a violent seizure and die. FML
tessie94 tells us more.
tessie94 2
Hello everyone, OP here. So it seems I should clarify a few things over here, don't want you guys worrying over something not that important :D first of all, we were both surprised our FML was published since we are both avid FML readers and have often joked that we should share some situations with you. This time, again and then I decided to actually share it and - hey presto :D then came the backlash. I forgot I was on the internet- I'm not an avid social media user so I'm not used to it. For everyone speculating: yes, the Sherlocks among you have correctly deducted that I am indeed 21 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been going out for almost 3 years now and are very happy together. We even have talked about having children together in lighter moments but on the evening I posted it my darling man was not very relaxed and I was amused by the cliché behaviour of him freaking out and me being overly attached. He did pretend to die violently every time I wanted to talk about it to the point that we were both just in tears laughing. But no worry, we both are NOT having children anytime soon. I was talking about the future, 7-10, maybe even 15 years. I want to be a late mum because as you guys probably haven't guessed I am a trained nanny and child minder and therefore know full well how tiring and difficult children can be, even though I love them dearly. And so does my boyfriend by the way. He is the most wonderful uncle to two tiny kiddos we both love more than anything, which is why I thought he was ok with talking and dreaming about our child-filled future. Obviously not. Boys will be boys but that is fine as well of course. Lastly, I want to apologise to anyone who might or might not feel offended by me joking about seizures, in no way was I reflecting it and realising what that could mean. I am sorry. And as a side note- Tessie is my dog. Cheerio and thanks for reading and worrying about unwanted children set into this world (of which there are far too many) love from a loving Austrian/British Nanny and veterinary student :)
Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his grandparents' house. It said, "Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and toothbrushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?" FML
Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML
Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML
Today, it was the hottest day of the year so I opened my sun roof. The hottest day of the year was followed by the biggest storm of the year. I forgot to close my sun roof and my car is now flooded. FML
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave, which flashes "Enjoy your meal" when it finishes cooking something. FML
Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML
Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML
Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML
Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML
Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML
Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I got fired from my job for harassing customers over the weekend. I didn't work over the weekend. I left my nametag there on Friday and my co-workers thought it would be funny to wear my nametag all weekend. One of them got into a fight with a customer and they took her 'name' down. FML
Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating because I've been buying generic groceries instead of name brand to save money. Apparently, I must be using the extra money on another woman. FML
Jaraxxus_fml tells us more.
Jaraxxus_fml 15
OP here! No, we talked about it before this, so she knew why. I'm not sure why she thinks this.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML
Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML
Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML
Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML
Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML
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