Today, it was my first day alone with the kids since my separation. Knowing how my ex is a health nut, I made a super healthy dinner for the kids. When she collected them afterwards, she said that if I had cooked like that when we were together, she wouldn’t have fucked Angus. Who the hell is Angus? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML
Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML
Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML
Today, after being unnecessarily cruel and smearing me in court, my ex had his first weekend with the kids since our split. He has texted me no less than 38 times, wanting play by play directions on how to take care of them. I wanna tell him to go fuck himself but I’m worried my kids will suffer. FML
Today, trying to prove I can handle things solo while my wife is away. I packed my kid’s lunch, dropped him at school, and felt very accomplished… until the teacher emailed me a picture of the lunchbox. I had packed my own leftover spicy curry instead of his sandwich. Apparently, “It was too spicy but also kind of good.” FML
Today, my soon-to-be-ex-husband decided to bring our four kids over to tell them we were splitting up, and to make them choose who they want to live with, because, "Mommy’s been a nagging bitch." He left out that the "nagging bitch" caught him having an affair the night before. FML
Today, I found out why my husband insists on only taking our kids to the McDonald’s a 15-minute drive away instead of the one two minutes down the street. It’s where his ex works. FML
Today, my husband once again thought it would be funny to rage-bait our child during dinner. There was screaming, food being thrown around, and a whole lot of running around instead of eating. I already had a headache and was already overstimulated, so I had to fend off a meltdown. All this over chicken burgers. FML
Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML
Today, assuming he'd be okay with it, I brought my two kids with me on a first date, as I didn't want to pay for child care. My date made me pay for the kids' meals and my own, then blocked my number afterwards. FML
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Top comments
SamanthaThe1st 23
I mean, at least you're not together anymore?
RichardPencil 32
The guy with the beef.
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Comments (7)
SamanthaThe1st 23
I mean, at least you're not together anymore?
Aiden89 23
Colonel Angus Esq.
RichardPencil 32
The guy with the beef.
dragonladiesfire 19
Arby's commercial voice: "He has the MEAT"
cacheson 42
Probably he’s the cow that she saved from ending up in your grocery store’s frozen section.
Brightside86 31
Nonsense, cheaters are going to cheat best case maybe you can delay it, but eventually that was always going to happen.
kevinwm0 15
She sounds like a real winner. Don't let her get in your head with that bullshit, she's just trying to get to you. Keep being a great dad and keep up the great work - a wonderful person will come into your life soon!