Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
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Top comments
kaybows 14
Yeah, pretty sure masturbation's never been brought up in Doctor Who.
bahamit 18
Two words.... Door lock....
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Comments (81)
bahamit 18
Two words.... Door lock....
Steffi 26
Might not have a lock..
RainTears 15
honestly, i don't see why you would fap if you have no lock. There's always the bathroom
jessi_sunshine 26
Seriously, it's more like **** your sister's life. You saw a spider. She saw your dick.
zykrithium 22
More like **** Doctor Who's Life for having to be the butt of his terrible joke...
MichaelDeSanta 20
Burn it down
lemonadestand 7
F your sister's life. She's now probably traumatised for life. Let's just hope you didn't hurt yourself when you fell
Enslaved 38
That's not how the Spider-Man is normally done.
paravoz 30
Now we know from where he shoots the web...
iceykiller 8
Well there at least she won't be surprised from now on
9a_1z 12
They say 'wank' on Doctor Who now? Wow that show has changed since I last watched.
mariekitty 21
that's what I was thinking. I've never heard them use that word
rvontr88 21
I was thinking that as well. They talk about wearing a fezz and fish sticks and custard. And how grumpy 12 is....
Rababco 29
#6 Yeah, I'm pretty sure they've never said wank on Doctor Who. It's rated PG after all.
kaybows 14
Yeah, pretty sure masturbation's never been brought up in Doctor Who.
Doubtful_Judge 23
It was in one of the episodes, the doctor said "Geez get a girlfriend"
writergirl1029 17
Still a lot more subtle than saying "wank".
Hammer1722 19
I like how many people care more about the Doctor Who episode than the rest of the FML
jocamo 24
The Eleventh Hour! Poor Jeff didn't expect the Doctor to come in and see just what was on his laptop. "You might want to clear your browser history."
Kahli21 15
99% sure they haven't used the word "wank" ( specifically meaning **********, not wanker or something ) in Doctor Who. I voted YDI because OP is a ******* idiot for trying to associate Doctor Who with wanking like that. Especially when he could use a lot of other American slang for it, as they say they're from NY. As the rest of us Americans would say, "you ****** up bro".
joljenni 6
Seriously!? They're not saying Doctor Who talks about wanking. He was trying to be clever because Doctor Who is a British TV Show and masturbating is called wanking in British Slang. Some people just can't take a joke.
HarryWholock87 17
I love that episode.
doodlecloud 27
41 I think a lot of people got the joke, they just thought it wasn't funny/was stupid/was unnecessary/was attention seeking. That was my first thought anyway.
tasteelingus 1
S05E01, "The 11th Hour" "Blimey! Get a girlfriend, Jeff." ....but you're right, the word "wank" never really appears.
WOTAN1488 24
Heheh
joeyl2008 29
I don't remember them ever saying "wank" on Doctor Who.
Razell 13
Torchwood, on the other hand....
maz08 11
I have never seen the episode of Dr Who where somebody has a wank...?
TonierShadow 19
It was a joke
Jeffo193 13
Yes, and everyone saying, "When did they tall about wanking on Doctor Who?" is being sarcastic in return. Non-british people seem to think "wank" or "wanker" is a quaint little exclamation, like, "oh fiddlesticks!" But it's actually a very rude swear word.
doodlecloud 27
Actually British people are very casual about 'wank'...I mean you wouldn't say it to a kid, but it's not exactly a 'very rude swearword'.