Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML
Today, my electric razor broke down during shaving. So now I have a face which is shaved on the right hand side and has a beard on the left. I don't own blades, so I'll have to go to work looking like this. FML
ItsGoneForever tells us more.
Hi guys, OP here! Just to clarify a little: I shaved with blades once, but that was a disaster. Blood everywhere and it toon way longer than shaving with an electric razor. Therefore, no blades! My old electric razor was actually almost 14 years old, so I could have expected this. However, it stopped working all of a sudden, without any signs of failing previously! However, stores for electronics tend to open at 10am here in The Netherlands, while I start working at 8:30. So no opportunity to buy a new one before work! It was the first thing I did when coming out of the office though :-) As for my co-workers: we don't have our own desks, but you can sit anywhere you like. I chose a private office for the day, so I just got laughed at by my boss and nog by anyone else :-)
Today, my father stumbled upon the quickest way to get me out of bed in the morning: ripping out my nose stud. FML
cactusfears tells us more.
Hey idk how to work this but OP here. I should probably clarify, it was an accident - my dad was joking around rubbing one of my stuffed toys on my face to annoy me out of bed when the stud got caught on some of the stitching and got yanked out. Thankfully part of it was still in the piercing - it was just hanging there by the short part of the L-hook - so I didn't lose it, and my mom managed to get it back in, and it didn't hurt too bad. Just thought it was kinda funny :)
Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML
Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML
Today, I woke up to the sounds of fire alarms. Panicked and assuming it was my neighbor's gas furnace that set it off, I nearly broke their baby's bedroom window trying to wake them up. Turns out my roof leaked into the fire alarm, causing an electrical fire. It was my first day here. FML
babysonfire tells us more.
OP here. I wanted to add that this all happened at 3AM during a thunderstorm. The neighbors didn't answer their door until the firefighters knocked. The fire didn't start until they were already here, so there was no smoke at first. The storm blew loose shingles off in 1 place- over the alarm.
Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my grandmother in my living room, demanding to know where I'd been all day. I'm 22 and live by myself. She stole my mother's emergency key to get in. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend's advice and finally stood up to my very passive-agressive, rude mother. What started in a conversation about her snide comment about my outfit ended in me needing to find somewhere else to live. FML
jessroses tells us more.
OP here So didn't expect this to make the front page but to clear up a few things I'm 19, my boyfriend also lives with his parents and I live away from home in a town about 2 hours away, but my usual hangout bar is in my hometown so on the weekends and holidays I come home and make use of the bed. So mostly I've moved out. We had gotten into a very loud row which turned into mum (for the umpteenth time) bringing up how I'm never home and what happened to the sweet little girl that told her everything. I've explained time and time again that I didn't have friends then and Now I'm balancing a social life in 2 places, and spending time with family, which I admit I haven't been spending as much time with her, because once I moved out I could see her from a distance and see how manipulative she is. I have also tried to see mum less and less because I thought that's just where my life was headed. Being the youngest child means it's difficult for mum to let go. However, I have been her punching bag for the past few years, always making passing comments about my weight (I am obese, as is she) and the clothes I wear. I came out as bisexual to her and she doesn't believe me because I have a boyfriend and told me to keep it from the rest of the family. So yeah, I'm trying to get out of the situation, but my boyfriends family are not doing well financially so I would rather not move in, as well as its a relatively new relationship (just under a year)
Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML
Today, I discovered that my Dad's family very much supports Donald Trump. They tried to convince me to support his campaign by donating money. We're not even American. FML
Today, a friend was making fun of our teacher's car, calling it dorkmobile and saying only idiots would own that car. It's the same as the car I just bought. FML
Today, the guy I was seeing texted me a photo back of myself I had sent him earlier, saying I'm such a beautiful woman, suggesting that I set it as my profile pic. Too bad he doesn't think I'm pretty enough without a lot of enhancements, because he photoshopped the hell out of that thing. FML
Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML
Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML
Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML
Today, my stepmother started talking to me after a month of the silent treatment. When I asked her what I had done wrong, she replied, "Nothing, but do you know that feeling when you look at someone and you just want to choke them?" FML
Today, while away on training with the army, my housemates rang me to tell me some news. They had found a perfect house for next year and they had put an offer on it. The only problem? There are 5 of us and the house is for 4. Guess who hasn't been included. FML
Today, I received a letter from an eBay seller for whom I recently left an honest, negative review. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly wasn't ready for what spilled out coating my jeans, shoes, and brand new carpet: Glitter. FML
Today, and for the 4 months preceding it, my neighbors had been remodeling their house, which meant jackhammer noises every morning. The one day they take a break, my other neighbor decides to start a remodeling project. It'll only be two more months of this. FML
Today, a classmate accused me of having butt implants because "women can't have a huge ass and pancake tits". FML
Today, I found out about my sister's insanely detailed plan to abduct my one-year-old son and raise him as her own on another continent. All my mom did was tell me not to worry because she can't afford to move that far away. FML
Dnamei tells us more.
Dnamei 20
OP here, made an account so I can answer some questions. My sister is 26, I'm 22. We got along pretty good, untill I met and married my husband and started a family. She lives with my parents, and is in a very bad relationship. When I met my husband, my sis tried to get me grounded (!) and tried to convince my parents not to let me see him. She also tried to blackmail me into not seeing him. She was against the marriage, and cried and screamed when she learned I was pregnant, saying I don't deserve what she doesn't have, claiming it won't be special when she has a baby because she wasn't the first to give my parents grandchildren (my parents don't think that way, they'll love every grandchild). My son is a very sweet and charming little guy, he sleeps through the night, is always happy, eats everything, rarely gets sick, crawls,... He's a very easy baby to care for, and everyone loves him and he loves everyone. The plan I found was in a notebook, while helping my parents clean out the attic. It included my husbands workschedule, and the days my son goes to daycare. Also what my son eats and his medical reccord. Her country of choice is Australia. A few days before this discovery, she asked me if she could take my boy to the zoo, alone. I refuses because he had a slight fever, and I'm very happy I did. My son has a kids-ID, my sister isn't allowed to be alone with him anymore, and I alerted the daycare to NEVER let her take him home. When I confronted her, she said it was just a joke, she was just 'messing with her little sister'. The notebook was hidden in a pile of schoolnotes, if we didn't clean the attic, we'd never know. Sorry for the long text, and sorry for my english. Ps: My dad was close to the airport when the bomb went of, but he didn't get hurt. My family and friends are scared and shaken, but safe. We mourn for the victims
Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML
Today, I sat at work for eight hours daydreaming about the homemade four-cheese ravioli I would come home to after spending three hours making it from scratch the night before. When I finally got home and heated the ravioli, I dropped it all over my feet, giving me second degree burns. FML
Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil. FML
Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
Today, my roommate used my PC without asking. Long story short, it's now infected with ransomware. The dissertation I've been working on for months is now encrypted, along with all the backups on my second hard drive. Now I have to pay the hackers $1,500 to get the decryption key. FML
Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML
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