Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 19 year-old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that no, just because the word, "salad" is in the name, it doesn't mean that macaroni or potato salad are automatically healthy for you. She still doesn't believe me. She's 19. FML
Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
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Top comments
alex_the_tiger 14
Well celery use more calories chewing it than calories gained by consuming it
fakedsincerity 32
I'm surprised so many people still believe a lot of the diet/health "tips" that so called experts spout to get people to listen to them. Doing a little research before trying any sort of diet goes on a long way into staying healthy and safe.
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Comments (71)
alex_the_tiger 14
Well celery use more calories chewing it than calories gained by consuming it
fakedsincerity 32
It's a myth that it has negative/zero calories. A quick google search will debunk it for you if you're interested. (:
brezzyanna 17
Nothing has negative calories. But celery is still really healthy, so if the myth gets people to eat more of it, maybe that's a good thing.
ChristinePi 36
Ice water is similar. It takes energy to digest cold water because your body needs to bring it up to the same temperature as you. Of course it's not a lot of calories to do that.
Dick_diamond 22
Water has no calories to begin with, so...
anyagrande 31
How about ur sister should start doin some exercise to burn calories rather than eating "calorie negative" food
PhoenixChick 26
Actually, no it doesn't. But a great myth refuses to die.
tusker1 3
you realize that's a myth, right?
sparky82 11
Theoretically, if you eat enough celery you'll waste away to nothing.
nodai 13
As does lettuce and many leafy greens. OP needs to google before he shows his assholism.
Danishduckling 20
No.. No it won't, Celery, Lettuce and similar still have more calories in them than you spend eating them, it's a myth.. nothing more.
coming back in the future 30
If you had negative calories, you would be ded.
moniculkin 19
Yup..... ded
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
I ded not know that.
firefighter925 18
Ded he say something wrong
Branessa9611 14
He most certainly ded.
coming back in the future 30
Oops I ded not realise until it was too late.
pladimir_vutin 5
why ded he do that?
cheesyfeet2001 31
Well that's some food for thought I'll show myself out now.
jbivens1992 17
Some foods really do have negative calories (such as celery which takes more calories to chew than are actually in the food) but obviously just because a food is healthy doesnt mean its guilt free.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
That's a myth and a quick Google search would have debunked that idea. Also "guilt free" is ridiculous, calories are required for life out shouldn't make someone feel guilty for consuming a required substance.
yoursucklives 36
healthy food should always be "guilt free". you know because it's healthy.
arano 29
Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black.
extrasnipes 22
Well isn't that your brain calling your head back?
firefighter925 18
idk where he was going with his comment
MoxleyCrue 17
He meant that a moron was calling someone else a moron.
arano 29
Well at least someone was bright enough to get it.
sleepyolivia 14
No, #50, I understood the meaning of the idiom, but the way that you're using it here just doesn't make sense. Are you just calling the OP a moron to be a dick? Are you trying to be funny by being harsh and bitter?
fakedsincerity 32
I'm surprised so many people still believe a lot of the diet/health "tips" that so called experts spout to get people to listen to them. Doing a little research before trying any sort of diet goes on a long way into staying healthy and safe.
Mathalamus 25
i just go all the way, and dismiss all known diet plans as idiotic. every human is different from the other. no standard plan will work. the extent that you can feel safe in trusting is that at least some exercise is good, and you need to eat some food to not die.
brezzyanna 17
The only diet plans you shouldn't debunk as idiotic right away are ones a doctor prescribes to you. But if you found it online or in a book, don't just blindly follow it.
Mathalamus 25
i would still be wary of doctors. they are, after all, not a specifically trained nutritionist. all he can do is tell you to cut back on salt, cause otherwise your heart will explode violently. or something to that effect.
stangbang92 17
I'm surprised your so knowledgable in a subject that simple math proves wrong... I did your little Google search. It gives six calories but 10 calories is what is needed to digest it. ??
fakedsincerity 32
What does #32? I didn't mention a specific food. Just in general. It's good to do all sorts of research before embarking on a diet - especially a fad one like those juice diets or whatever. Some are really dangerous to your body.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
#32 it takes less than 10 to digest celery since a good portion of it cannot be digested much closer to only 2 or 3. There are no foods that give "negative calories" and no exact amount of calories to digest every food, they all vary dependant on food and other factors. A Google search would have explained that too.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Didn't you know that if you eat enough vegetables, you body shrivels up and disappears because of the negative calories? Ban vegetables 2k16
fakedsincerity 32
#downwithveggies #upwithdonuts
amileah13 26
Don't worry, she's the one that's going to look stupid going around telling everyone that.
worldclassrager 41
Celery is mostly the negative calorie food...that's probably her poor defence aspect...she'll have to go back and study a bit more...
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Judging by your comment; so should you.
SecundusSecunda 27
You didn't know healthy food gave you negative calorie effects and health buffs? L2P noob git gud m8
Shuff52 21
So all of you saying to google the celery myth. You should probably actually do a little research. No you don't burn off the calories chewing it though. It just takes your body more energy to digest the celery then the celery provides. So yes it is a negative calorie food. You're welcome
genYnot 19
Celery contains roughly 6 calories per stalk, and takes half a calorie to eat. It has next to no thermogenic effect. To be calorie negative, the thermogenic effect would need to be 100%
Shuff52 21
Well considering your body can not metabolize half of the calories in celery, because of cellulose, you only have to burn 3 of the calories which will happen in the digestion process. Again please do your research.