Today, I made 2 beautifully decorated cakes for Mother's Day. One was for my mother in law and the other for my mum. I came down to pack my mum's and found they had both been half eaten. My brother in law decided he wanted to try a bit of both to decide which was better. FML
mancuneanway tells us more.
mancuneanway 14
Ok OP here. Thanks for turning this into a funny situation. My brother in law is the baby of my husbands family. By 'baby' I mean a 21 year old man who eats, eats, eats! I didn't feel the need to tell everyone not to touch it until they had been given it as I had written Happy Mothers Day (Mum… and Mum…) on them both. They were both red velvet cakes decorated the same way to avoid any jealousy amongst both women. I ended up just scooping the writing off and playing it off as a random cake I had made. My brother in law still doesn't see what he did wrong but I shall be breaking his hands if he touches my birthday cake this month lol.
Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML
Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
Today, I made the decision to lighten my hair from dark brown to blonde. I thought the stylist knew what she was doing, but I ended up with my hair fried off and orange. FML
Today, I really had to pee during one of my college lectures. I finally worked up the nerve to leave the room while he was lecturing, and ran frantically to the bathroom. Once in there, the urge intensified to the point I couldn't hold it. I peed my pants while standing in the bathroom. FML
Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML
Today, my brother decided he could just live with me. He's sharing my bed, using all my stuff, and has even refused to let me into my room in the morning to get ready. He thinks the situation is perfect. FML
shazzasm tells us more.
shazzasm 12
Hi, I'm the author, made an account just to comment ? I couldn't really explain the situation in much detail but it's a little bit more complex than just kicking him out or not... So pretty much this brother is my twin. We're twenty minutes apart and extremely close so the older/younger sibling thing doesn't really apply because we swap a lot. When he's in need, I help as much as I can and vice versa really. Anyways, I recently moved out of home, renting a room at my aunty's to go to uni and my brother decided to apply for a job interview where I was. He was allowed to stay for a couple of days but he just never ended up going home. The house is just big enough for me to live there, so an extra person is a bit of a stretch, I.e. Why he's sleeping in my bed. It was fine at the start but he's started pushing everyone's patience... I would tell him he needs to go home but he's a touch mentally unstable at the moment and I don't wanna rock the boat. I've told my parents but he's avoiding them at the moment because he 'knows' what's best for himself, and there's not much they can do when they're 9 hours away. Everytime I try to approach the subject of you need to go home and back to your job, he kind of explodes so I'm kind of treading carefully. After I posted this, I had a chat with my Aunty, she's cool, and said he was annoying me a little because I'm at uni in the hopes of being a doctor and it's a bit stressful to study when I'm printing him out cvs and other stuff. We talked about it and I ended up telling him I'd help him but he had to have found something by Sunday... His genius solution however wasn't as well thought through as he'd hoped. He got himself a flat but no job so I'm not really sure what's gonna happen next but hopefully it's good! Sorry for the long winded explanation, hope it makes more sense! Thanks
Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML
Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML
Today, I donated a dollar to a kids charity at Lowe's. The cashier handed me a star to sign my name, I signed it and gave it back to her. She looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me. I had to pull out my license to prove to her that my name is really Michael Myers. FML
M1CHA3L_MY3RZ tells us more.
yeah she apologized after I pulled my license out and proved it to her. then she just had this blank stare on her face. lmao I hear something about my name at least once a day, most the time it's stupid but there have been some good ones on occasion
Today, in my marketing class, we were categorizing musical groups by their age group. Someone asked, "What's a Beatle?" As in "The Beatles". FML
chipsotopher tells us more.
chipsotopher 12
Hi everyone, OP here. Never thought this would get posted. I think the worst part of what happened was that only my teacher one fiend and myself seemed to have noticed. We stared at each other in silence for a bit before I asked my teacher if I could go walk it off. He let me.
Today, I got fired for being late. Apparently you're supposed to be on time after your boss specifically tells you that the office will open an hour late. FML
Today, in history class I was called "ignorant" and "inconsiderate" because I referred to Stalin as a "he". FML
Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so baked, he thought I was in the washing machine. I came downstairs to find him sitting in a puddle of soaking wet clothes, crying about where I was. FML
Today, I attended a TEDx conference. The woman sitting next to me spent the whole time picking her nose, playing with the retrieved contents, and sticking her hand down her pants. FML
geekpower_fml tells us more.
OP here to answer a few questions that have come up. I spent the whole time inching away but she didn't seem to realise there was anything wrong. Also no I did not call her out because she was 10 years older than me, twice my size both vertically and horizontally, and accompanied by her husband. Also I'm a coward and socially awkward and tend to avoid confrontation wherever possible. Seats at the TEDx were assigned and I paid for nice stall seats, I wasn't going to move. Even if I wanted to, the place was packed with 1800 people so there was nowhere to go. To whoever said she wasn't interested in the conference, it seems like she was. It was actually quite annoying because she kept making comments out loud throughout the talks: "Cool!", "Wow!", "Who'd have guessed?!". Which in itself is rude because talks are about listening and not interfering with the experience people around you are having. Any other questions, feel free to ask!
Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML
Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML
Today, I found out that my parents got married on their second date because they were mildly intoxicated, bored and wanted something to do. FML
bxilee tells us more.
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I was talking to my new boss while on speakerphone. Then, my sister yelled for me, asking me to check whether she had a yeast infection or not. FML
Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML
Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML
Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML
Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
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