Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML
Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML
Today, I carefully wrapped my nephew's birthday present so it would look perfect. He thanked me, pushed it aside, and spent the next two hours pretending the empty cardboard box was a spaceship. FML
Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML
Today, my toddler learned the phrase “Shut up.” He now loudly says it to anyone who speaks to him, including our elderly neighbor, whose only crime was complimenting him on his shoes. FML
Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML
Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML
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Top comments
sharsharbinks 0
I love this one! I laughed so hard!
killer_corn 0
I don't take crap from kids. I would of destroyed the Green ones.
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Comments (556)
Seegtease 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That kid needs some old-fashioned discipline. 5? Are you kidding me?
humorizer 14
Ha ha... starcraft reference. nice :D
bballer32 0
Hahahaha good one. Anyways this is my favourite fml ever =]
Secret_Fire_King 0
How is OP's life ******? ----- Your nephew is a mutha fuckun gangsta-boy.. Be proud, OP.. Be proud..
michaelscot23 0
lol... that's hilarious
redsox4021 0
in Russia we beat our children not like all these fatass American kids
ckydc 0
I was reading this as I was waking up, I laughed so hard I'm fully awake. sweet
LeBron2332 0
discipline? this kids awesome hahaha
SourCandyyz 0
I agree... I think it's helarious :P
My2864 1
i ******* hate gangstah bois... esspecially white guys seriously if your white your not allowed to do some shit..
Michael216 0
how's about some good old-fashioned shut the **** up?
aerosenna 0
1 word.. OWNED!
TimberlakeEric 0
haha!
jondivey 9
i think this is fake cause i have never jeard a five year old say **** at all, but that is like an intelligent reply and even if the five year old knew what **** meant i doubt he could conjure an insult like that.
BryanThaMan 14
#1- how about some shut-the-****-up? ahahahaahahahaah. Okay, now on a serious note: I do not believe discipline is needed here because the majority of FML comments for this post including myself finds this to be extremely comical and witty. Definitely a re-post here lmao.
SmexiiBacon 8
A good smack upside the head will do the trick
bunnygirl12 0
Lol yeah he needs some hardcore discipline:D
Scarshadow101 6
LOL. Best FML EVER. This kid just got 50 win points. Favorited!!!
panda_cakes 12
Take him to a Puerto Rican family they make you pick out your own belt when you're in trouble now thats discipline
sharsharbinks 0
I love this one! I laughed so hard!
Incredibly_Dope 0
Same here!!! That kid is gonna be a thug! Buy OP should've said how about some yellow I knock you out
Stoopid_life 2
Me too XD
JD134 24
Me three, I even imagined him saying it.
moig_fml 0
definitely top five i have everrr read on here. i laughed out loud
killer_corn 0
I don't take crap from kids. I would of destroyed the Green ones.
hayoudumbass 0
ur cool
Amkii 0
lol! That kid is awesome. And hilariously disrespectful. Hope he got his ass whooped after that. BUT, it makes you wonder where he's hearing that kind of language! Either the parents, an older sibling, or on TV. Either way, those sources should be monitored when he's around!
MURC13L4G0 0
Your nephew and his parents should probably get rehabilitated by Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, like Eric's mother on South Park. "TCH!"
izzym11 1
Omg that episode is so funny
NorfolkDude 2
That kid got you good though. Next time you ought to tell him that his parents don't love him and they're getting a divorce because they can't stand the sight of him. That'll show him.
pandemic0774 2
You sir are awesome! :D oh and op you made my month
SailorHotty0417 1
that is something an emature ass hole would do children will be children and when they misbehave it's the parents fault not the kids. :/
tantanpanda 26
I've never heard something so stupid in my life.
zxcvbn 0
OH good ******* god HAHAHAHAHHA
daviant 0
i woulda got my ass kicked
zomglolz 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! !!!!