Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
LANGUAGE, SON!
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Frying pan, meet fire
Today, I got back from an 8 month deployment but rather than being pleased to see me my wife wanted to continue the same argument we were having the day I left. I miss being shot at. FML
Tickle time
Today, I'm a trained soldier with tours of duty under my belt, 6 foot tall with scars and tattoos, and yet I still can’t beat my brother in a fight because he cheats by tickling me until I can’t breathe or piss myself. FML
It wasn't me!
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Top comments
Isa_Marie0113 17
Thank you for your service! Sorry your brother is an insensitive and ignorant butt.
BoboCracker 21
Towel-whip him
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Comments (131)
BoboCracker 21
Towel-whip him
easilyboredone 8
In the balls.
Grisha_fml 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
a combination of video games and movies have desensitized the younger generation to the value of human life. I hope you followed up that smack with a short lesson about everybody being the same just a different color.
fohfuucba 21
Don't blame video games. I'm pretty sure Candy Crush didn't make this guy an asshat.
bryce0110 23
I wouldn't say video games would make people think little of human lives. I play video games all the time, and quite often shooters like counter strike, and I care about human lives. His brother is just an ignorant ass.
phaelnb 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Don't pretend that years of playing CoD fighting arabs won't desensitize someone to violence against that particular group. It's a combined effort of several mass medias and videogames aren't less at fault for this than movies or the TV news.
Btdtgts 23
Life doesn't represent media the media is made because how society is at the time. Films, games or any other source of media are representations of how life is or was recently. sure there exceptions to every rule. But, media is made to sell to the audience's appeal it doesn't introduce behavior.
Adeptus_Astartes 22
@46 No, they dont. As long as you have decent mental health, you aren't going to devalue life just because you play video games.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
My dad has never played a video game in his life and he is the most racist person I've ever met. Don't blame video games. Racism (and desensitization of the value of a human life) have been around for years. Have you ever watched the news? They call deaths "casualties." Clearly human lives aren't that important to many people and haven't been for years. It only really hurts us when it's someone we know.
oreoeater 21
*cough* Hitler *cough* Donald trump *cough* Oh yeah, video games are definitely the problem
Xamry14 10
Yeah there's no way. There a huge difference between "killing" a mass of pixels on a screen and real people. Anyone that blames games is just looking for a scapegoat. These types of people have existed through the ages, and the past has had a high concentration of them then we have.
Sliver1991 26
Ah, blaming entertainment for people being improperly educated or plain assholes.
Abidawe 15
67, they call any war related injury a casualty, if you are wounded, MIA, KIA or a POW you are considered a casualty of war
ETA211 6
Well that's just factually incorrect.
Stiggy626 25
actually scientific studies have shown that playing games like cod and GTA help people get out aggression which, in turn, helps them be more level headed
FYDS_fml 11
Thank you for your service.
Isa_Marie0113 17
Thank you for your service! Sorry your brother is an insensitive and ignorant butt.
Summaria 10
Why do so many people automatically assume that OP is in the Army? He just wrote from a "9 month tour" in Afghanistan.
no_playa_hater 14
Because of the brother's reply. If he was a tourist, there would be no reason to think that he killed people there.
lantz4levi 19
Also most tours are 9 months in the military. Obviously many are different but that's the average. Secondly the towel head part would be a tip off or also him smacking his brother
xxkrystalxx 14
He doesnt have to be in the "army" he could be in the air force or anything else.
learntoteach 10
Who goes to Afghanistan as a tourist?
tygerarmy 35
You can assume he is in the Army because of the length of his tour in Afghanistan. US Air Force tend to serve short 3/4 month tours, Navy and Marines will usually 6 months or a year, and the Army will go on 9 month to 1.5 year deployments. You can Google it.
IntroPlex 3
I'm sorry. Insensitive or not, they do use kids to suicide bomb public places, and brutally and medivially execute people. The real "war on women" is in the middle east, where women, gays, and others are killed.
staminprime 12
Thanks for your service, coming from a Sailor. hate racist comments like that.
T_Nibs3076 5
Thank you for your service
fyvaprold 11
You brother thinks you're an American Sniper.
LPac5295 27
We thank you for your service. Maybe sign him up for a tour so he can learn some respect.
pixelatedandroid 6
The little bastard would probably enjoy it.
Overlord247 20
Does he support Trump, by any chance?
Jennababy2792 20
I laughed waaaay to hard at this
skalavecci462 13
you do realize that most people in the military support Donald Trump, right?
KeatonHanson 28
Or Ted Cruz?
emeraldisle 30
I'm from your country but thank you for your service and I'm glad you made it home safely.
Bigmike211995 8
I searched high and low for racist comments from Trump and have not found any. How is he racist?
emeraldisle 30
**not from
Miss_Whipped 43
While what he said was offensive, you have to keep in mind that those who are not explicitly involved with the military services may not have a clear idea of what it is that you do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not excusing his ignorance. However, having patience with those around you who ARE uninformed is going to be a necessary skill. And then you can kindly explain to your brother that being in the military is not just a giant in-real-life Call of Duty game.
Jared900DUmpling 30
I dont know what you are getting all these dislikes for, you have a valid point. Comments like this are usually the result of misinformation and a lack of empathy, not active and intentional racism.
Mike3258 18
I agree. whoever is disliking your comment surely are against patience with others. you can't expect everyone to know wverything. however, his brother should definitely have cake with his question a little... different.
rldostie 19
This isn't offensive just because of the racial slur. Asking a veteran (or active duty member) if they've killed someone is beyond the pale and, for some, triggering. It's asking a person to possibly relive and revisit one of the most horrific and painful experiences of their military career, all in the name of curiosity. There shouldn't have to be patience for individuals who ask this stupid ass question. Taking a life in the line of duty is serious and creates life-long memories, often trauma. How anyone can ask a person to relive and casually talk about such an event is beyond understanding. It's a kind of stupidity and lack of common sense that is baffling. What's worse, there's no right answer. To say "yes" is to set oneself apart from civilians, to be "other" in society, and to say "no" is to suddenly be disregarded as a real combat veteran/service member and to have ones experiences questioned. I just say "you shouldn't ask that" when people ask me, although it's gotten substantially better over the years. Fewer ask, but even when they did, I'm appalled by the lack of thinking behind the question. You don't have to have patience with idiots. A curt, forward, "why do you think that's an acceptable question," often brings them back to reality.
Miss_Whipped 43
My suggestion was to have a civil discussion about it. I don't condone just smacking someone upside the head for saying something offensive. If that is an unpopular opinion, so be it.
jaytx123 3
Well no matter what it is extremely disrespectful to ask any military personnel where there have been shot, how many times, and how many people they killed. I'm not even in the military but we learned this shit in 3rd grade. He should know better.