Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML
Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML
Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML
Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML
Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML
Today, I'm a 27-year-old back-to-school university student. Everyone hates me because I'm actually interested in participating in my classes and getting good grades, instead of partying, cheating in exams, and generally not giving a crap. Apparently I make them look bad. FML
HollyThorne tells us more.
Hi, this is OP! I'm not doing the whole partying and not giving a crap part because I've already done that when I was their age so now that I'm older I'm more focused on the important stuff like getting a degree. Still, I underdtand where they are coming from, I was also like them when I was 19. Also, I am working as a freelancer on the Internet 30+hr/week so I'm way too busy and tired to get wild! The reason I think the other students don't like me (there are exceptions, of course) is because I really found myself in the field I'm studying now and like to participate in class discussions with questions and my opinions. Also, since I'm older I'm not that intimidated with my professors so I have a more friendly (but still respectful) relationship with them and they like me for my curiosity and interest. Maybe the class think that I'm a smartass or something. But I am super grateful for your support especially now when I'm tired and frustrated with it all and I will keep going for my own well being :)
Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML
Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot when he screamed in agony. FML
Today, my drug dealer was the only one who wished me a happy birthday. FML
boipucci tells us more.
boipucci 1
OP here. Thanks to the actual birthday wishes. Didn't do anything special, but thanks nonetheless.
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi of a nearby McDonald's and successfully listen to a 30-minute podcast. FML
Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML
Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML
Today, I invited my sister to my wedding. She's not coming, because I didn't reply to her email three years ago. The one she sent to my whole family saying that I was a dangerous psychopath. FML
Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML
Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML
Today, on the bus, my friends and I gorged ourselves on a ton of candy. When it was my stop, I began to walk to the front of the bus. Upon getting off the bus, I tried to thank the driver with a mouth full of candy. It sounded like I said "Fuck you". FML
ScratchCatPower tells us more.
Heyo. OP here! Yes, my parents always told me not to talk with food in my mouth... Haha. Though in this instance, since I always thank my bus driver, I figured I should just thank him despite the fact that I had a mouthful of candy. Didn't turn out the way I expected. Also, very true, #2. I probably should have savored it. Alas! The candy! Tis lost forever, a true tragedy indeed. ;-;
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
Today, my parents said they know I don't do drugs or drink because I have no friends to do drugs or drink with. They are right. FML
Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML
Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML
Today, I scored the number of a cute girl. I gave her mine as well, just before leaving the bar. As I waved her goodbye, I attempted to do a cheesy "call me" gesture with my thumb and pinky finger, and winked. For a reason unknown to me, I ended up flipping her off. I still winked though. FML
Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML
Today, I decided to pick up some breath mints. As I was checking out, the cashier informed me that if I was "planning on getting a girl to stay the night", I'd need the "stronger, more intense brand of mints". FML
Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML
Today, I found out that I wasn't going to be a father. My best friend is going to be the father to my girlfriend's child, though. FML
zefronke8 tells us more.
zefronke8 25
Okay guys, here's the story: my girlfriend and I were together for nearly two years, and one day she told me she was pregnant. I didn't know how to react at first, but I eventually came to terms with it and became excited for my son. Fast forward three months: my girlfriend is obviously pregnant now, and I was out drinking with my best friend. We took a great picture together in the bar to celebrate this great moment in my life, and then I asked him to send it me. That's when I saw the pictures of my girlfriend in a recent conversation. I confronted her, and found out that she had been sleeping with him, took the test, and it's his. I broke up with her and stopped talking to my ex friend.
Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML
Today, my mom finally noticed the joke file I have on my PC desktop called "bigcocklovespussy.jpg". It's just a cute picture of a chicken snuggling with a cat. She didn't actually open the file and just deleted it. She won't believe my explanation and grounded me for a month for "looking at porn". FML
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