health

Purple haze

By Not a good sign - 18/08/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my mom has fibromyalgia. Besides chronic pain, another common symptom of this is frequent brain fog. I realized just how bad it can be today when she asked ME, with complete seriousness, "How old am I?" I thought I'd misheard, but nope - that's exactly what she said. This is more of an FML for her, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 82

Entitled to personal attacks

By Fuck you asshole! - 17/08/2024 21:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was told that I was an “entitled snowflake.” I'd mentioned that after 5+ years of cancer treatment and over a dozen surgeries, I still have some physical limitations. I literally almost died but still managed to finish school and change careers, but yeah, I’m entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 115

Extra protein

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 05:00 - United States - Roseburg

Today, I cooked pork chops on my wok that had been hanging on the pot hangers without rinsing it off. Just when I was about to eat, I saw a fried up spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 543

This is fine

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, during a silent exam, my stomach made the loudest, most embarrassing growling noise possible. It was so loud that the professor looked up and some people in the room turned to look at me. The girl next to me offered me a granola bar, and I accepted, even though the growl was actually me desperately holding in a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 114

Something rotten

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, the gas company had to be called into work for a possible gas leak. The pipes are fine. I had White Castle for dinner last night. I'm the gas leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 139

You deserved it 1 438

Artful dodger

By Anonymous - 13/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my chemotherapy has knocked me so I couldn’t even climb stairs at the train station. Another passenger helped me to the top, which I was so grateful for until I realised he was a pickpocket. On one staircase he got away with my wallet, phone, earphones, and gold bracelet FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 87

Malding

By Recessive Reece - 12/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I'm the only one in my family who doesn't need glasses and who isn't lactose intolerant. However, I'm the only one in my family rapidly balding at the age of 25. Even my grandparents on both sides have full heads of hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 84

Misery loves company

By Club Member Prospect - 12/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my sister made me a "hearty" breakfast. It was a large bowl of oatmeal which consisted of 10% raw oats and 90% Nutella. This started ever since our medical tests results came out about a month ago. She and her husband registered as diabetics, their son is pre-diabetic, and I came out clean as can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 79

A Worldcon for Our Futures

By Semipro Writer - 11/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it's been a week since I flew to Scotland to attend a writer's retreat and then go to WorldCon to see friends and try and sell the book I just finished. I tested positive for Covid the first day of the retreat, and every day since. I already missed the retreat. Now it looks like I'll be missing the con, too. Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 112

Perfect timing

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, at 36 years-old, I will be leaving to go on my first ever vacation. Aunt Flo held off until yesterday so she could come with me, and she's BAD this month. We were planning on going to the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 123

Shattered

By ParkerRommel - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 272

You deserved it 7 146

Avalanche

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 05:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I fell, cut my hand, and needed four stitches. Yesterday, I caught a cold. Two days before that, my girlfriend broke up with me. No rest for the wicked, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 108

Pragmatism

By Dee - 10/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to admit to my partner that occasionally when feeling I'm depressed, I binge eat until my stomach hurts. His response? "We can't financially afford you doing that." I guess finances mean more to him than my mental health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 442

Easy peasy

By KATY - 10/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after watching a few YouTube tutorials and thinking it looked easy, I decided to cut my own bangs. Halfway through, my scissors broke. Now I have uneven bangs and no way to fix them until I get to a salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 445

Adulting is tough

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 555

Overcome

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to dress up as the school mascot for a big game. The costume was incredibly hot, and I ended up fainting on the field. When I came to, I was surrounded by worried kids and my head was in the lap of the opposing team's mascot, who was trying to give me CPR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 100

Check yourself out

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I resorted to trying to guilt trip my husband into getting his prostate checked. He asked for one good reason why he should, so I said because he has two kids who don’t want to see him get prostate cancer. His response, "Nope, not good enough, now leave me alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 184

Stinky

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 17:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to work at my new job after taking a shower but I'd forgotten to put on deodorant. I started getting strange looks and wondered why, only to find out later that everyone was talking about me, including someone I have a crush on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 363

Crunchy

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 12:00 - Denmark - Randers

Today, I made a smoothie with all the healthy ingredients I could find. As I took my first sip, I realized too late that I had accidentally blended in a dead fly that had fallen into the blender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 167

Looking good

By JillianJuneBug - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, the bad haircut I got recently no longer makes me look like Dora the Explorer. Instead, I now look like He-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 232

You deserved it 469

Wow thanks, I'm cured

By LillyLogan - 05/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Dorchester

Today, I went to a pain specialist to get help with my chronic pain. He did not diagnose anything or discuss causes. He then said, "Good luck with that" as I left. Of course, I still got billed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 79

Living my best life

By disappointed - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 648

You deserved it 4 334

Tough enough

By zana - 05/08/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I tried to comb my hair after waking up. I not only broke the comb but also pulled a muscle in my arm. I do not go to bed with wet hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 113

Itchy arse

By DaggerHole - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 358

You deserved it 16 680

Skincare

By Anonymous - 04/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, months after a severe poison ivy rash, I have learned that I now have a very intense poison ivy allergy. As in, any exposure to poison ivy at all will cause my face, hands, thighs, and groin to swell up and itch madly for up to a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 80

Teeth gang rise up

By Luke Sparacio - 04/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Cary

Today, I just got back from school with my mouth feeling like a bomb site, and also very hungry. I just got my braces installed yesterday, and I have to wear them for 18 months. I can barely eat anything solid, which means I will be hungry more often. It's going to be an awesome 18 months trying to focus on school! FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 145

No fun

By Ed. - 04/08/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom - Stoke Newington

Today, I got back the results of an allergy test I decided to get because I felt generally tired after meals. Turns out that I'm allergic to, among other things, meat (yep, is a thing), nuts (of course), milk, egg, rice, carrot, apple, yeast (as in bread), and even soy. Seems I'm allergic to… food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 101

My life story

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 16:00 - Germany - Undeloh

Today, if I was watching my life as a movie, I'd be thinking: "Come on, it is SO obvious that this will be a story about some gods having a bet about how fast they can get this woman to kill herself, and whether big things like health problems work best, or rather constant small annoyances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 143

The Curse

By nancypants1124 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 990

You deserved it 12 728

A mother's love

By Anna - 02/08/2024 14:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was stranded on the couch with a sleeping baby. I had my phone, but everything I wanted to do needed both hands, or sound. I was toying with my phone on my lips when someone texted me, causing the phone to vibrate my teeth, which hurt, and to avoid my baby falling, I crunched my shoulder and pulled a muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 480

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 993

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 603

You deserved it 17 241

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 894

You deserved it 26 673

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 838

You deserved it 8 967

Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 222

You deserved it 452

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 403

You deserved it 83 214