Health: Today, in the early hours of the morning, two of my wisdom teeth...

By Ouch - 28/10/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in the early hours of the morning, two of my wisdom teeth simultaneously began emerging. In my haste to get painkillers, I accidentally smacked my recently broken foot on a door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 165

You deserved it 509

Health

Walk the line

Batman

Clean up in aisle 3 please

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 22:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 192

You deserved it 49 500

By quirrus - 07/05/2012 09:42 - United States

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 861

You deserved it 9 781

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 16:23 - Sweden - Alings?s

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 1 839

By maisumepg - 17/02/2019 04:00

Today, it’s the third month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 039

You deserved it 280

By shocked - 12/10/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 605

You deserved it 5 663

By blutownie13 - 09/04/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I told my ex boyfriend I lost 20 lbs because of the stress of the break up. His response was "you're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 353

You deserved it 27 773

By clumsy - 07/05/2013 00:45 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 827

You deserved it 53 875

By BirdBrain - 14/12/2017 19:00

Today, I discovered that I don't have a college fund. My mother stole the money when she divorced my dad and he never bothered to tell me. Now he's offered to pay my tuition if I go to a military academy. If I don't take the offer, he wants me to move out by next Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 938

You deserved it 385

By Ugly - 08/03/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 439

You deserved it 10 015

Checked out

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, I went to Walmart to purchase a pregnancy test. I chose my checkout line carefully, to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew. After choosing one, I realized it was 4 o'clock on the dot. Shift change. My mom's best friend took over the shift just as I reached the checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 388

By birgz - 25/10/2011 12:42

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 21 261

By Sayahh - 07/01/2017 08:07

Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 569

You deserved it 3 182

By elsaza - 18/11/2008 12:16 - France

Today, I was on a date with my new boyfriend. I acted very flirty and laughed very loudly to show him how funny he was. I laughed so loudly that I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 22 419

By bundie - 28/12/2008 07:02 - France

Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 395

You deserved it 5 090

By moweezy9 - 21/02/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 332

You deserved it 15 809

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 14:01 - United States - Shelby

Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 442

You deserved it 3 637

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 21:45 - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 528

You deserved it 3 404

By ohnolunch - 05/03/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 649

You deserved it 15 921

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked until the lavender caught on fire which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 188

You deserved it 11 680

By sallymay - 08/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Rockland

Today, I found out that my amazing sugar and oil olive body scrub will cause the next person to get in the shower to slip and break an arm. We have no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 1 531

Medicare For All

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 08:01

Today, it's Mother’s Day. It's also the day I’m expected to pay a very large medical bill due to my miscarriage of twin babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 77

By pizzagurl - 09/05/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 161

You deserved it 273 955

Mystery Girl

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 00:01

Today, I found out that my girlfriend actually broke up with me a week ago. Apparently, she thought it wasn't necessary to tell me, she just assumed I'd figure it out on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 150

By lorahayes - 05/01/2012 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 716

You deserved it 10 213

By NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus - 29/07/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 562

You deserved it 1 472

By jobless and broke - 29/07/2015 18:40 - United States - Mesa

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 035

You deserved it 2 428

By Anonymous - 01/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 264

You deserved it 5 957

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 696

You deserved it 40 540

By cc10 - 19/10/2009 11:50 - China

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 723

You deserved it 4 141

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 04:00

Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 124

By lactose intolerant - 28/01/2019 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant, so she swapped my dairy-free milk with regular milk. I’m writing this from the toilet and I’ve been here for at least 20 minutes, with cramps and diarrhoea. She’s also complaining about the foul smell coming from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 745

You deserved it 159

By TheBeastSwaq - 31/12/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 744

You deserved it 2 613

By neverthesame - 29/03/2012 02:53 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 438

You deserved it 2 147

By Angry and Confused - 29/06/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 049

You deserved it 2 942

By AshamedDaughter - 17/08/2011 07:14 - Canada

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 469

You deserved it 3 752

Where's my anvil?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 14:02

Today, my roommate placed something on a shelf I put up, and the whole thing came crashing down. It's been fine for 2 years and now the shelf decides to break? Yeah right, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 639

You deserved it 9 117

Lies

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of Santa is to a coworker, and how every parent should tell their kids the truthLies. The intercom microphone was on. I single-handedly told a group of 100 six year-olds that Santa isn't real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 755

You deserved it 72 660

By Anonymous - 09/01/2013 07:02 - Israel

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 515

You deserved it 2 741

By Robert - 06/04/2018 05:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 861

You deserved it 669

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 28 October 2017 16:08

Then, your painkillers will be killing three birds with one stone! How efficient! Maybe you can lend some of them to your relatives?

GhostFox 33

Send a private message

Monday 30 October 2017 2:56

What the fuck does this have to do with sex? Generally speaking, unless the people involved have some pretty specific kinks, either participant being in pain tends to be a turn off. Unless you mean, how dare OP be a man and acknowledge that he does in fact feel pain! It's almost like men are also human beings that experience pain under normal circumstances! How odd.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 28 October 2017 16:08

Then, your painkillers will be killing three birds with one stone! How efficient! Maybe you can lend some of them to your relatives?

keble 9

Send a private message

Sunday 29 October 2017 1:48

You got a lot of dislikes but I appreciated the reference to yesterday's FML

exileonmainst 16

Send a private message

Saturday 28 October 2017 16:25

Now you’ve found the wisdom of not to inflict pain on your broken foot.

Tripartita 44

Send a private message

Saturday 28 October 2017 17:10

I’ve been there before, OP. I’ve often found it helps to check that the door is completely open. A door-openness check should take no more than four minutes and can be done at home!