By jessroses - 31/03/2016 13:36 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my boyfriend's advice and finally stood up to my very passive-agressive, rude mother. What started in a conversation about her snide comment about my outfit ended in me needing to find somewhere else to live. FML
I agree, your life sucks 21 271
You deserved it 3 253

jessroses tells us more.

OP here So didn't expect this to make the front page but to clear up a few things I'm 19, my boyfriend also lives with his parents and I live away from home in a town about 2 hours away, but my usual hangout bar is in my hometown so on the weekends and holidays I come home and make use of the bed. So mostly I've moved out. We had gotten into a very loud row which turned into mum (for the umpteenth time) bringing up how I'm never home and what happened to the sweet little girl that told her everything. I've explained time and time again that I didn't have friends then and Now I'm balancing a social life in 2 places, and spending time with family, which I admit I haven't been spending as much time with her, because once I moved out I could see her from a distance and see how manipulative she is. I have also tried to see mum less and less because I thought that's just where my life was headed. Being the youngest child means it's difficult for mum to let go. However, I have been her punching bag for the past few years, always making passing comments about my weight (I am obese, as is she) and the clothes I wear. I came out as bisexual to her and she doesn't believe me because I have a boyfriend and told me to keep it from the rest of the family. So yeah, I'm trying to get out of the situation, but my boyfriends family are not doing well financially so I would rather not move in, as well as its a relatively new relationship (just under a year)

Top comments

It's probably better that you get out of that situation OP! Take this opportunity and try to find somewhere that you feel safer and better.

Whether you like them or not, you just have to deal with what they say until you move out.


Whether you like them or not, you just have to deal with what they say until you move out.

A07 48

The same principle applies everywhere

Nyattack 14

Kinda easier said than done. Strangely enough, I think that people who underwent years of emotional abuse from the people who are supposed to provide them with care and love would disagree with you. Being a parent is often a choice, and just because you pay for your children's stuff doesn't give you a VIP pass to be an asshole to people that you literally chose to have in your life forever and be responsible of. Children shouldn't have to deal with abusive BS because they live at their parents'...

It's the same logic people use when people complain about abuse in the workplace. "Oh, your boss stuck his hand up your skirt? He's paying you, if anything you owe him that." It's BS logic that I really wish people would stop using.


#23 it's not quite the same thing. at a job you're being paid for a service that you are performing. So unless that service is allowing men to feel you up then you don't have to put up with it no matter how much you are being paid. a parent chose to have a child, the child didn't choose to be born. The child can't choose to quit his parents and get a new set. I agree with the fact that people should stop using the logic but wanted to point out the fact that the two examples were not relatable.

Sexual harrassment is illegal, being passive-agressive and rude is not.

I don't think being passive aggressive and rude should be illegal, that's extreme. However, we need to get rid of the idea that people in authority positions are allowed to treat their "underlings" in whatever way they want, simply because they provide for them. Especially with the parent to kid relationship. Kids, especially once they've become adults themselves, deserve basic respect too, and they don't have to tolerate it if their parent(s) are being unfair or mean to them, no matter what their parent provides for them.

I would like to apologize in advance for the length of this comment but this topic is very near to my heart and I feel very strongly for you OP. Just because you live in the same house does not mean that you have to put up with passive aggressive or any kind of ignorant behavior. OP, your situation sounds like one that I had. Before my husband and I got married he made me a bet, the stakes being I got his whole paycheck if I won but he didn't want a prize if I lost because I would have already lost enough. He told me that if for a full 3 weeks no matter what my mother asked me for or to do if I told her no and always have a good reason and she still treated me the same I could have his whole paycheck. I agreed because she's my mom and loves me unconditionally right? Wrong she did not speak to me for four full months. I was completely shocked but it opened my eyes. I think that what happened to you today is horrible but like me it's a lesson that hopefully you have learned well. Some people are very shallow and self-serving and unfortunately sometimes those people are the ones that are never supposed to treat you that way. Your boyfriend sounds like he cares about you and wants you to be able to stand up for yourself and realize when you're being crushed beneath someone's overbearing nature. Just remember that it does get better and the hurt goes away so don't let this setback Crush you under its weight. I hope that you find a place soon and that all the happiness you deserve comes to you quickly.

It's probably better that you get out of that situation OP! Take this opportunity and try to find somewhere that you feel safer and better.

Sounds like an opportunity to better your life! Nobody should treat you like that OP. Best of luck to you!

That's assuming that they want to live together

Maybe it was about time then. You shouldn't live with anybody like that, even your parent. Still, would be best to move out on good terms - I hope that's not too late :)

dragoongirl90 34

Saying you shouldn't live with a parent like that and then that you should leave on good terms is an oxymoron. If a parent is that horrible, then you shouldn't leave n good terms. You should cut them out like the cancerous tumor they are.

Sounds like you're better off living by yourself anyway

She kicked you out just for standing up for yourself, that's a pretty terrible thing for a parent to do. It's incredibly hypocritical how some parents will criticize their child relentlessly, but when the kid turns around and starts criticizing them for this behavior, it's somehow wrong. However, maybe it's a blessing in disguise, get away from her and her unfair, rude behaviour. Also, this way, whenever she makes a snide remark now, you can stand up for yourself and she no longer has leverage over you.

Her house, her rules. You want some respect, move out..

Unless the person is treating you badly, basic respect and courtesy should be a given, towards anyone, including the parents to kids relationship. Just cause the person is their child, is not an excuse for the parent to be disrespectful to them, their kids are still people, just like anyone else. They are not property that the parent can treat however they please, just cause it's "their house." And respect definitely shouldn't be reliant on whether a person lives on their own or not. #13 Just want to add, that if the mom kicked the OP out and she's still a minor, that would be illegal.

Mathalamus 24

there is a limit as to how far that goes.

Yeah, I'm also going to disagree with the "you just have to deal with it until you move out" opinion. "Your house, your rules" applies to things like chores, finances and going out, but it doesn't mean "I am always right because I own the house." Basic courtesy really should be a given, unfortunately, too often it isn't. A parent who lords their control over their child's security over them constantly is using fear tactics and breaking trust, which I find cruel, as well as demonstrating they are unable to find any better reason to ask their children to comply. It's just mean, weak and plain wrong. If the mother was being that nasty before, she probably had an issue with her daughter the whole time and was just looking for an excuse to kick her out, what better time than when the object of her spite finally stood up for herself. If someone is putting you in this situation, you either leave or barely tolerate it, disliking your family more every day for the unjust treatment and trying to live your life as separate from them as possible. A family that thinks just "dealing with it" works just fine is setting itself up for disappointment.

Moving out - cutting links to your family, finding somewhere to live - that really isn't that simple. It is easier said than done and a lot of people couldn't afford to move out and rent somewhere anyway.

#11, that's my parent's logic as well. My parent's are very rude to me and when I reciprocate that behavior, they tell me that I'm rude and if I don't like how they are treating me or don't like what they say to me that I should find somewhere else to live.