Miscellaneous: Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet.... - FML

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

By Alan

Elaillce's illustrated FML

So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're...

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By boudinette / Wednesday 15 April 2015 10:14 / France

And today, on Dr Phil…

Online classes can be tricky

Fishy anxiety

By openmouthinsertfoot - United Kingdom

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

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By GrannyAt22 - Canada

Today, I had to buy a wrist brace for a repetitive strain injury. I got the injury because I was knitting too much. I'm 22. FML

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By Carpet cleaner - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

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By Inod - United States

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

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By plasticfantastic - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

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By shylahrc - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

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By Joey - United States

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

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By teach - Canada

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

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By soontobemurder

Today, my boss took back my week off because he wants to take a spontaneous Caribbean vacation with his wife, which is "clearly more important" than what I was going to do. I needed that time off so I could be with my Dad in hospice. FML

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By volleyballgirl - United States

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

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By Kat - United States

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

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By Juiced - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

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By Well this Is Awkward - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

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By claubea11 - Puerto Rico - Ponce

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

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By OhFseriously123 - Italy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

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By mysidesaresplitting - United States - Oxford

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

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By mjayne17 - Canada

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house. One thing led to another, and we were just getting to the good parts when his mom walks in. After a long, awkward pause, she says "I like your socks" and walks out. She is a teacher at my highschool. I have to see her everyday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Everett

Today, I actually used Febreze as a substitute for deodorant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, as I passed a printout over my shoulder to my mum, I managed to give myself a papercut on my tear duct. FML

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By Sara246 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

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By happybirthday - United States

Who? Where?

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

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By booksandshadows - United States - San Diego

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

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By LawSchoolBoi

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

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By Jota

Today, I was doing a job interview on Skype when my roommate decided to reboot the wireless router because "the internet was too slow". The interviewer didn't bother calling again. FML

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By dumbass

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

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By Nuts - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

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By ScreweD- - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

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By lizard - Canada

Today, my dad walked in to the arena where I was watching a hockey game with my boyfriend and his friends. My dad was wearing a crazy grey mohawk wig/hat. Meanwhile, my boyfriend just finished telling me how embarassing it would be to be that guy's kid. FML

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By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

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By Maxime - France

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

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By awkwardmandy - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

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By blkchkrm - United States

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

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By Ali (New York) - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

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By HomeImprover

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

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Top comments

By Pingvinai | 37

#6263587 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Buy the size you have, not the size you want.

By codytallica | 38

#6263592 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

I understand the point but why do women do this to themselves? YDI for knowing it wouldn't fit

COMMENTS

By Pingvinai | 37

#6263587 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Buy the size you have, not the size you want.

Reply

Cezll | 11

#6263611 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:15

Or at least don't wear it if it's not the size you wear now, hang it where you'll see it and push yourself to get to that size

Reply

funsizedliz | 15

#6263640 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:40

Beauty is pain?

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ItsAUnicorn | 27

#6263662 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 19:12

It's possible that she fit into it in the morning but didn't in the evening, as your stomach kind of blows up during the day due to eating. Worst case scenario it that you'll have to sleep in at so you can take it off in the morning!

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Sunflower1919 | 19

#6263735 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 20:50

Just because it zips doesn't mean it fits.

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rayman173 | 2

#6264570 - Thursday 16 April 2015 19:42

why did this one get downvoted it's so true.

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FMLusername969 | 21

#6267895 - Monday 20 April 2015 9:43

You do realize that you would look thinner if you had just worn the appropriate size

Reply

sarcasmwins | 24

#6277355 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 22:57

You don't alter Vera to fit you, you alter yourself to fit Vera - Bride Wars.

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6263588 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Go get butter! Good for comfort eating and lubricant ???

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swanheart | 35

#6263621 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:23

Won't do much for the dress though! What's worse - a torn dress or big grease stains? :)

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howard007 | 18

#6263791 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:17

I do the exactly same with condoms i buy the largest size, hoping ill fit it properly

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ToxicTyrael | 26

#6263795 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:24

45 made me lol

By ZelmaSlayer | 30

#6263589 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Just go loose that weight and the dress will come off no problemo :)

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Purexinsanity | 46

#6263656 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 19:01

Is OP just supposed to wear the dress until she gets smaller? Because that takes a while..

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mischiefkel | 17

#6263755 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 21:29

Ahem, I believe you mean go LOSE that weight so the dress will be LOOSE, and will come off 'no problemo' Just sayin..

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R2Y2 | 22

#6264208 - Thursday 16 April 2015 8:45

The message was clear 41, who cares about a tiny ass typo (aside from you).

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ZelmaSlayer | 30

#6264446 - Thursday 16 April 2015 16:52

@65 Amen brotha

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LissaPalumbo | 14

#6264488 - Thursday 16 April 2015 18:29

Well 65, obviously plenty of people care...

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Wakachulak | 22

#6269052 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:24

Not necessarily, 23. Water makes up most of the body weight, and it can go quickly. Though dehydrating yourself to look thinner is very unhealthy, this might be a valid exception to the rule.

Reply

BeachGirl27 | 23

#6274861 - Monday 27 April 2015 8:13

Easier said than done 67!

By ZachHatesPeople | 22

#6263590 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Congratulations on losing weight. Just a little more and you'll be able to get out of the dress too!

Reply

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6263788 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:14

She didn't lose weight. She WANTS to lose weight but she wore it before actually losing enough weight to fit in it.

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ZachHatesPeople | 22

#6264171 - Thursday 16 April 2015 7:47

Im an idiot...

Reply

pinkster2014 | 25

#6264784 - Friday 17 April 2015 1:50

Ohh... I thought she lost a little weight, but just not enough to fit into the dress perfectly.

By codytallica | 38

#6263592 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

I understand the point but why do women do this to themselves? YDI for knowing it wouldn't fit

Reply

chuka81 | 27

#6263602 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:12

It's good motivation. If someone wants to lose weight, there's nothing wrong with trying to motivate yourself.

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brand125 | 17

#6263633 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:33

except she didnt wait til she was that size...

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fullalove | 23

#6263636 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:35

I agree that yes, it is good motivation, but knowing it's too small, and deciding to wear it anyways is a YDI.

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greeneyedx | 23

#6263694 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 20:02

She should've waited until she lost weight before trying to wear it. I would've. It honestly helps encourage weight loss.

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garrett_8614 | 14

#6265186 - Friday 17 April 2015 16:20

It's not like she wore it out or anything, I'm assuming she was wearing it at her house.

Reply

Soloman212 | 28

#6265497 - Friday 17 April 2015 22:44

It says she wore it all day.. Unless you're assuming she has no life.

By kittythekat | 15

#6263593 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Unfortunately, I do not know the feeling. But I sympathize with you. I wish you luck in your endeavors!

Reply

MrsPegg | 45

#6282071 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 9:37

Right? I buy clothes that fit me and are flattering immediately. Delayed gratification my ass lol!

By heirofhope | 38

#6263594 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:09

Oh no! I'm sorry that happened OP. I hope your dress was okay. Maybe next time, get your current size, just in case? Again, I'm sorry that that happened to you. Chin up!

By LittleMissShadow | 16

#6263595 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:10

Maybe after a bit more struggling you'll be able to slip right out of it!

By chuka81 | 27

#6263596 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:10

The dress loves you. It thinks you're beautiful and now it would never let you go.

Reply

MrsPegg | 45

#6275800 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 5:26

Typical garments; such a love/hate relationship!

By Liamj774 | 36

#6263597 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:11

Maybe you could use some butter. Don't eat it though.

Reply

monkey80 | 2

#6285949 - Saturday 9 May 2015 9:48

That's so freaking rude