Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet.... - FML

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

By Alan - 17/4/2015 12:57

Elaillce's illustrated FML

So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're...

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By boudinette / Wednesday 15 April 2015 10:14 / France

Boom, headshot

Spooky

Non-baby fever

By Peta2nNoMore - 4/7/2009 10:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

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By tigger2013 - 3/8/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

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By ShutUp007 - 22/11/2014 02:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

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By twit - 16/3/2009 01:14 - United States

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

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By nopenopenopenope - 23/9/2016 03:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2020 18:00

This Charming Man

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML

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By christine brown - 26/8/2011 12:03 - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

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By i stole your daughter's virginity anyways!! - 23/5/2017 00:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. I recognized him. He's the guy that broke into my car and stole my backpack two weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2015 04:29 - United States - Bentonville

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

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By Wanderlei Santos - 9/7/2020 14:03

Deep ink

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

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By Ser17 - 10/8/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML

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By gunman - 20/10/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

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By dez - 16/10/2016 05:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't have an email, I have a Gmail." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

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By thisblows - 11/4/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML

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By Shewhoisprobablyafurry - 3/5/2020 02:00

Going nowhere fast

Today, I have a massive crush on a fictional character. Who happens to be an ermine. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML

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By aranya - 14/6/2012 22:51 - Netherlands - Hengevelde

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

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By MIA - 15/9/2019 06:03

Today, on Maury…

Today, my husband of four years finally told me he has an eight-year-old son. FML

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By Oddity_C - 25/11/2009 01:00 - United States

Today, while at work, I was picking up paper in the bathroom. In one stall I saw what I thought was a wadded piece of the brown paper to dry your hands. It wasn't until I realized it was sticking to my bare hand that I realized it was feces. Human feces. FML

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By glocked and goaded - 3/4/2015 18:08 - United States - Sun City

Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML

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By Dirtisgood - 24/8/2018 00:00

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my child was going to become paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2015 02:16 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

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By puppielover - 21/8/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

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By fmlimoverit - 12/9/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2020 07:01 - United Kingdom

Landlords are social parasites

Today, in the middle of a pandemic, which has made it impossible for me to get a job for the last 4 months, my landlord has decided the one thing I need is a rental increase. FML

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By anonymous - 18/6/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

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By lee - 22/8/2010 07:24 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over breakfast. In the afternoon I got to smile at him prettily for hours because he was the photographer in a session neither of us could get out of. FML

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By oakley - 7/1/2017 09:15

Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML

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By Coley - 29/1/2009 22:46 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

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By Muffinhater - 24/12/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML

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By WOWreally - 25/9/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid and my husband says "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

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By happypineapple - 17/7/2014 03:31 - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

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By Jon - 7/6/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

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By poorcollegestudent - 30/10/2009 20:32 - Canada

Today, I went to my university bookstore and tried to use my debit card to pay, but got the "Insufficient Funds" notification. I was buying a single postage stamp, which costs 57 cents. FML

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By NotSoFunnyNow - 27/11/2017 15:00

Today, I tried to get a funny reaction from my dogs with a fart, like I saw in a YouTube video. I shat my pants and the dogs didn't even notice. FML

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Top comments

By Pingvinai | 37

#6263587 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Buy the size you have, not the size you want.

By codytallica | 38

#6263592 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

I understand the point but why do women do this to themselves? YDI for knowing it wouldn't fit

COMMENTS

By Pingvinai | 37

#6263587 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Buy the size you have, not the size you want.

Reply

Cezll | 11

#6263611 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:15

Or at least don't wear it if it's not the size you wear now, hang it where you'll see it and push yourself to get to that size

Reply

funsizedliz | 15

#6263640 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:40

Beauty is pain?

Reply

ItsAUnicorn | 27

#6263662 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 19:12

It's possible that she fit into it in the morning but didn't in the evening, as your stomach kind of blows up during the day due to eating. Worst case scenario it that you'll have to sleep in at so you can take it off in the morning!

Reply

Sunflower1919 | 19

#6263735 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 20:50

Just because it zips doesn't mean it fits.

Reply

rayman173 | 2

#6264570 - Thursday 16 April 2015 19:42

why did this one get downvoted it's so true.

Reply

FMLusername969 | 21

#6267895 - Monday 20 April 2015 9:43

You do realize that you would look thinner if you had just worn the appropriate size

Reply

sarcasmwins | 24

#6277355 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 22:57

You don't alter Vera to fit you, you alter yourself to fit Vera - Bride Wars.

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6263588 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Go get butter! Good for comfort eating and lubricant ???

Reply

swanheart | 35

#6263621 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:23

Won't do much for the dress though! What's worse - a torn dress or big grease stains? :)

Reply

howard007 | 18

#6263791 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:17

I do the exactly same with condoms i buy the largest size, hoping ill fit it properly

Reply

ToxicTyrael | 26

#6263795 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:24

45 made me lol

By ZelmaSlayer | 30

#6263589 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Just go loose that weight and the dress will come off no problemo :)

Reply

Purexinsanity | 46

#6263656 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 19:01

Is OP just supposed to wear the dress until she gets smaller? Because that takes a while..

Reply

mischiefkel | 17

#6263755 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 21:29

Ahem, I believe you mean go LOSE that weight so the dress will be LOOSE, and will come off 'no problemo' Just sayin..

Reply

R2Y2 | 22

#6264208 - Thursday 16 April 2015 8:45

The message was clear 41, who cares about a tiny ass typo (aside from you).

Reply

ZelmaSlayer | 30

#6264446 - Thursday 16 April 2015 16:52

@65 Amen brotha

Reply

LissaPalumbo | 14

#6264488 - Thursday 16 April 2015 18:29

Well 65, obviously plenty of people care...

Reply

Wakachulak | 22

#6269052 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:24

Not necessarily, 23. Water makes up most of the body weight, and it can go quickly. Though dehydrating yourself to look thinner is very unhealthy, this might be a valid exception to the rule.

Reply

BeachGirl27 | 23

#6274861 - Monday 27 April 2015 8:13

Easier said than done 67!

By ZachHatesPeople | 22

#6263590 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Congratulations on losing weight. Just a little more and you'll be able to get out of the dress too!

Reply

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6263788 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:14

She didn't lose weight. She WANTS to lose weight but she wore it before actually losing enough weight to fit in it.

Reply

ZachHatesPeople | 22

#6264171 - Thursday 16 April 2015 7:47

Im an idiot...

Reply

pinkster2014 | 25

#6264784 - Friday 17 April 2015 1:50

Ohh... I thought she lost a little weight, but just not enough to fit into the dress perfectly.

By codytallica | 38

#6263592 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

I understand the point but why do women do this to themselves? YDI for knowing it wouldn't fit

Reply

chuka81 | 27

#6263602 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:12

It's good motivation. If someone wants to lose weight, there's nothing wrong with trying to motivate yourself.

Reply

brand125 | 17

#6263633 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:33

except she didnt wait til she was that size...

Reply

fullalove | 23

#6263636 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:35

I agree that yes, it is good motivation, but knowing it's too small, and deciding to wear it anyways is a YDI.

Reply

greeneyedx | 23

#6263694 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 20:02

She should've waited until she lost weight before trying to wear it. I would've. It honestly helps encourage weight loss.

Reply

garrett_8614 | 14

#6265186 - Friday 17 April 2015 16:20

It's not like she wore it out or anything, I'm assuming she was wearing it at her house.

Reply

Soloman212 | 28

#6265497 - Friday 17 April 2015 22:44

It says she wore it all day.. Unless you're assuming she has no life.

By kittythekat | 15

#6263593 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Unfortunately, I do not know the feeling. But I sympathize with you. I wish you luck in your endeavors!

Reply

MrsPegg | 45

#6282071 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 9:37

Right? I buy clothes that fit me and are flattering immediately. Delayed gratification my ass lol!

By heirofhope | 38

#6263594 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:09

Oh no! I'm sorry that happened OP. I hope your dress was okay. Maybe next time, get your current size, just in case? Again, I'm sorry that that happened to you. Chin up!

By LittleMissShadow | 16

#6263595 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:10

Maybe after a bit more struggling you'll be able to slip right out of it!

By chuka81 | 27

#6263596 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:10

The dress loves you. It thinks you're beautiful and now it would never let you go.

Reply

MrsPegg | 45

#6275800 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 5:26

Typical garments; such a love/hate relationship!

By Liamj774 | 36

#6263597 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:11

Maybe you could use some butter. Don't eat it though.

Reply

monkey80 | 2

#6285949 - Saturday 9 May 2015 9:48

That's so freaking rude