Miscellaneous: Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet.... - FML

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

By Alan

Elaillce's illustrated FML

So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're...

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By boudinette / Wednesday 15 April 2015 10:14 / France

Late term

Triage

Lockdown is driving us down

By Anonymous - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

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By someoneneedsassistance - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

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By Skido - United States

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

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By peestain - United Kingdom

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

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By maribel - United States

Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, and the woman he cheated on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Clifton

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

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By nola2005

Hoarded in

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

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By confsused - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

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By akiza - Japan

Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML

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By Nicole - United States

Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML

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By daddysjudy92

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

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By MineAlwaysTouching

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

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By piss off - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

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By waterdog - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

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By Sucks2beme

Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

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By sad sister - 27/7/2020 14:00

Bye bye love

Today, after my younger sister always made a habit of using everything of mine, from clothes to shoes to jewelry, the list now includes my boyfriend. FML

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By wowawesome

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

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By Marie - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it was my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

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By ovawerkrd - United Kingdom

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

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By justlittleoldme - United States - Sarona

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

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By AnonThoughts

Fighting fit

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

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By Dumbass - United States

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

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By BlueB - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

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By Mandoune - Finland

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

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By tiredoffamilydinners - United States

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

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By almost jobless - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

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By A Henderson - United States

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

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By Qwerty - Australia

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML

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By pissedinSwiss - Switzerland

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

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By doggybag - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

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By absentmindedmoron - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML

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By someone - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

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By Kaite

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

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By wurtabang - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

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Top comments

By Pingvinai | 37

#6263587 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Buy the size you have, not the size you want.

By codytallica | 38

#6263592 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

I understand the point but why do women do this to themselves? YDI for knowing it wouldn't fit

COMMENTS

By Pingvinai | 37

#6263587 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Buy the size you have, not the size you want.

Reply

Cezll | 11

#6263611 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:15

Or at least don't wear it if it's not the size you wear now, hang it where you'll see it and push yourself to get to that size

Reply

funsizedliz | 15

#6263640 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:40

Beauty is pain?

Reply

ItsAUnicorn | 27

#6263662 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 19:12

It's possible that she fit into it in the morning but didn't in the evening, as your stomach kind of blows up during the day due to eating. Worst case scenario it that you'll have to sleep in at so you can take it off in the morning!

Reply

Sunflower1919 | 19

#6263735 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 20:50

Just because it zips doesn't mean it fits.

Reply

rayman173 | 2

#6264570 - Thursday 16 April 2015 19:42

why did this one get downvoted it's so true.

Reply

FMLusername969 | 21

#6267895 - Monday 20 April 2015 9:43

You do realize that you would look thinner if you had just worn the appropriate size

Reply

sarcasmwins | 24

#6277355 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 22:57

You don't alter Vera to fit you, you alter yourself to fit Vera - Bride Wars.

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6263588 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:07

Go get butter! Good for comfort eating and lubricant ???

Reply

swanheart | 35

#6263621 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:23

Won't do much for the dress though! What's worse - a torn dress or big grease stains? :)

Reply

howard007 | 18

#6263791 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:17

I do the exactly same with condoms i buy the largest size, hoping ill fit it properly

Reply

ToxicTyrael | 26

#6263795 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:24

45 made me lol

By ZelmaSlayer | 30

#6263589 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Just go loose that weight and the dress will come off no problemo :)

Reply

Purexinsanity | 46

#6263656 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 19:01

Is OP just supposed to wear the dress until she gets smaller? Because that takes a while..

Reply

mischiefkel | 17

#6263755 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 21:29

Ahem, I believe you mean go LOSE that weight so the dress will be LOOSE, and will come off 'no problemo' Just sayin..

Reply

R2Y2 | 22

#6264208 - Thursday 16 April 2015 8:45

The message was clear 41, who cares about a tiny ass typo (aside from you).

Reply

ZelmaSlayer | 30

#6264446 - Thursday 16 April 2015 16:52

@65 Amen brotha

Reply

LissaPalumbo | 14

#6264488 - Thursday 16 April 2015 18:29

Well 65, obviously plenty of people care...

Reply

Wakachulak | 22

#6269052 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:24

Not necessarily, 23. Water makes up most of the body weight, and it can go quickly. Though dehydrating yourself to look thinner is very unhealthy, this might be a valid exception to the rule.

Reply

BeachGirl27 | 23

#6274861 - Monday 27 April 2015 8:13

Easier said than done 67!

By ZachHatesPeople | 22

#6263590 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Congratulations on losing weight. Just a little more and you'll be able to get out of the dress too!

Reply

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6263788 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 22:14

She didn't lose weight. She WANTS to lose weight but she wore it before actually losing enough weight to fit in it.

Reply

ZachHatesPeople | 22

#6264171 - Thursday 16 April 2015 7:47

Im an idiot...

Reply

pinkster2014 | 25

#6264784 - Friday 17 April 2015 1:50

Ohh... I thought she lost a little weight, but just not enough to fit into the dress perfectly.

By codytallica | 38

#6263592 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

I understand the point but why do women do this to themselves? YDI for knowing it wouldn't fit

Reply

chuka81 | 27

#6263602 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:12

It's good motivation. If someone wants to lose weight, there's nothing wrong with trying to motivate yourself.

Reply

brand125 | 17

#6263633 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:33

except she didnt wait til she was that size...

Reply

fullalove | 23

#6263636 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:35

I agree that yes, it is good motivation, but knowing it's too small, and deciding to wear it anyways is a YDI.

Reply

greeneyedx | 23

#6263694 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 20:02

She should've waited until she lost weight before trying to wear it. I would've. It honestly helps encourage weight loss.

Reply

garrett_8614 | 14

#6265186 - Friday 17 April 2015 16:20

It's not like she wore it out or anything, I'm assuming she was wearing it at her house.

Reply

Soloman212 | 28

#6265497 - Friday 17 April 2015 22:44

It says she wore it all day.. Unless you're assuming she has no life.

By kittythekat | 15

#6263593 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:08

Unfortunately, I do not know the feeling. But I sympathize with you. I wish you luck in your endeavors!

Reply

MrsPegg | 45

#6282071 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 9:37

Right? I buy clothes that fit me and are flattering immediately. Delayed gratification my ass lol!

By heirofhope | 38

#6263594 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:09

Oh no! I'm sorry that happened OP. I hope your dress was okay. Maybe next time, get your current size, just in case? Again, I'm sorry that that happened to you. Chin up!

By LittleMissShadow | 16

#6263595 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:10

Maybe after a bit more struggling you'll be able to slip right out of it!

By chuka81 | 27

#6263596 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:10

The dress loves you. It thinks you're beautiful and now it would never let you go.

Reply

MrsPegg | 45

#6275800 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 5:26

Typical garments; such a love/hate relationship!

By Liamj774 | 36

#6263597 - Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:11

Maybe you could use some butter. Don't eat it though.

Reply

monkey80 | 2

#6285949 - Saturday 9 May 2015 9:48

That's so freaking rude