Today, I googled which company made the deodorant I used as I... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 17:16 - India - Bangalore

Today, I googled which company made the deodorant I used as I really liked it. I did not figure out which brand it is, but I did find out that it was for ladies. I'm a 17 year old male teenager. No wonder I never had a girlfriend in high school.. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Spooky

NRA fanboy

By d4rkxf0x - United States - Lindale

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML

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By aww, such a nice guy. NOT - United States - Dodge City

Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML

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By Jessika - United Kingdom

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

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By fritzile - United States - Chandler

Today, I told a customer the bread he wanted has been discontinued. He replied with, "Are you serious? What is your name? I'm going up front to complain about you." I still don't understand how that's specifically my fault. FML

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By TuteSweet - United States

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

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By crazycatlady - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

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By ELparano - Canada

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

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By faceless_sailor8 - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

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By Outfoxed

Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML

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By time to buy a gun - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to explain to a customer that she can't use the bathroom while going through the drive-thru. I still don't understand what exactly she had in mind. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Southport

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

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By Moose - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

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By annonymus - United States

Today, I flew to California to visit my younger sister at college. When I got to her house, her boyfriend looks at her and says, "She's not THAT ugly." FML

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By Lillian - 25/12/2020 01:58 - United States

Are you OK, hun?

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Louisville

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

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By Crapper. - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

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By Knaxer - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rockwall

User notice

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

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By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

'Tis the season to be jolly, falalala lala la la

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

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By nomail - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML

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By Bambusmaster

Sobering.

Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of 1 year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML

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By BeatenUpPup - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

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By and she blames me -_- - Canada - Calgary

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

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By DreDre

The charity

Today, I found out that the dude I love has been taking the money I used to support him and buying heroin with it. FML

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By VroomVroom - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

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By ihatebadkids - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

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By Sleepless - Australia

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westborough

Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them sent me a screenshot of an error message on a porn site, asking if I was having the same problem. I guess I wasn't being so quiet after all. FML

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By Awkward - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

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By Kyra.45 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

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By why - United States - Tucson

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

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By Disconnected

Today, I found out that it is possible for someone else to cancel my Internet, TV and phone services in two days. However it'll take me 5 days, after 6 hours on the phone, to get it back. FML

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Top comments

By sarahcroy20 | 12

#7963302 - Sunday 10 January 2021 7:02

Are you not able to read? It says right on it what it is. Not understanding why you'd have to Google that.

COMMENTS

By sarahcroy20 | 12

#7963302 - Sunday 10 January 2021 7:02

Are you not able to read? It says right on it what it is. Not understanding why you'd have to Google that.