Animals: Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful...

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

By Alan

Essa's illustrated FML

Yesterday was labor day in the US. FML is international, and and specifically US-centric, but we still sat around doing nothing because...

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By morphea / Wednesday 29 April 2015 22:54 / France

Animals

Understandable

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Creepy

By myBFsucks - Canada

Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50219

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7504

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Today, my teacher told me that unless I went into medicine, math, or engineering, I would never amount to anything in life. This wasn't even two minutes after I told him I want to be an author. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1950

You deserved it

363

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:04 - United States - White Plains

Bad day

Today, I woke up feeling like I was on top of the world, until I got to work and I was demoted. Then I ordered Uber Eats for lunch, the driver was late and gave me the wrong meal. The worst part was when I got home and was dumped by my girlfriend via text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1217

You deserved it

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By justplaindumb - United States - Des Moines

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7002

You deserved it

16040

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By bear92 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47419

You deserved it

5886

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By poop - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML

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20934

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2536

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By sadgirlhours - United States - Gulfport

Today, I tried plugging in my Gatorade bottle with a charging cable instead of my phone. I couldn't tell if the reason was because I was high, or I'm just really that fucking stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

535

You deserved it

1728

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By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - United States - Navarre

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4453

You deserved it

362

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18341

You deserved it

53585

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By anon - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34168

You deserved it

10397

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By Anonymous - United States - Floral Park

Today, I was fired from the job I've had for 15 years. My boss recently hired his daughter as a senior manager and she made several cuts because, as she put it, the sales team was "too old and lame". I didn't know being a young bitch was a requirement to work at a furniture warehouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2817

You deserved it

125

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By sochunky - United Kingdom - Bromham

Today, someone had thrown up onto the last remaining seat on the train. Guess who accidentally sat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20942

You deserved it

3368

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By Anonymous - United States

Weirdo alert

Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he sat down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57137

You deserved it

8403

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By I'm so wet, baby - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35666

You deserved it

7575

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By secret_source - United States

Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28006

You deserved it

1988

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By swim5 - United States - Tempe

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because he is moving. He's only moving 20 minutes away. FML

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31408

You deserved it

3479

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By Anonymous - United States - Brighton

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26123

You deserved it

2225

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By lafinesse

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44521

You deserved it

4513

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By Phoellie - United Kingdom

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67827

You deserved it

5176

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By meowcat101 - Canada

Today, my dad decided to take me to play golf to relieve the stress of recovering from a bad concussion. While teaching me to swing, he hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33190

You deserved it

3223

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By NotAmericanIdol - United States

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40470

You deserved it

29145

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By TMI - United States

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

113137

You deserved it

7031

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By caphis - United States

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59893

You deserved it

13110

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By Rich - United States

Today, I admitted to my wife that I'd really like to get a Prius, but I was worried that if I did, everyone would question my sexuality. She told me, "I don't know why you care, everyone already thinks you're gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32302

You deserved it

9533

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35780

You deserved it

2519

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18674

You deserved it

34692

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By steppppphhhhhh - United States - Pacifica

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37728

You deserved it

3472

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By Joey - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41577

You deserved it

2456

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By banj0 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30613

You deserved it

2193

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9736

You deserved it

73158

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By smokecloud_ - United States - Ashland

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52168

You deserved it

5326

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By wouldn'tyouliketoknow

Sneaky moggie

Today, my neighbours were screaming for their "lost" cat again. I've already seen the cat multiple times. In my garden. Pissing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1458

You deserved it

116

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By lalalee - United States

Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68009

You deserved it

3320

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By um... maybe - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39833

You deserved it

4996

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By MeOhMy23 - 25/11/2020 07:59 - United States - Tazewell

The only one who could ever reach me…

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

836

You deserved it

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By bad sis sad sis - 24/9/2020 02:01

Snitches get stitches

Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1228

You deserved it

693

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54353

You deserved it

4004

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By wrecked - United States

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69201

You deserved it

5605

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31493

You deserved it

5514

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out my sister has been "borrowing" my adult toys and putting them back without washing them well enough. How did I find out? I came back positive for an STI. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4115

You deserved it

253

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Top comments

By liquifiednate | 21

#6277794 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:00

At least he tried.

By Ihavegas | 22

#6277796 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:01

very thoughtful

COMMENTS

By liquifiednate | 21

#6277794 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:00

At least he tried.

TheBelt | 19

#6277916 - Thursday 30 April 2015 12:52

True commitment

Thatepicperson | 14

#6278201 - Thursday 30 April 2015 21:00

It was still a shitty situation

By ZelmaSlayer | 30

#6277795 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:00

Sounds like a shitty situ... No. No, I'm better that that.

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6277952 - Thursday 30 April 2015 14:05

That what?!?!

telli164 | 30

#6278833 - Friday 1 May 2015 15:45

5 letters away from the worst pun in FML history.. You could've been better than that

By Ihavegas | 22

#6277796 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:01

very thoughtful

By itsalise | 22

#6277798 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:04

A new kind of theif trap!

By AndyPurdy | 31

#6277804 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:08

ugh pets can be a handful.good luck cleaning that up

By Stillo | 25

#6277806 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:12

haha, at least you didnt slip it in;)

starile | 19

#6277814 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:27

I hope to GOD you meant "slip in it", and not "slip it in"

R2Y2 | 22

#6278151 - Thursday 30 April 2015 19:46

3rd base ftw

amanda182 | 19

#6278154 - Thursday 30 April 2015 19:49

Hahah thank you for the laugh

By chanellgymnast | 17

#6277808 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:14

"I'm so glad you're home. Someone pooped in the hallway."

By duckman9 | 54

#6277810 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:16

outch.. that sucks bigtime...

By Exaspera | 54

#6277811 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:17

Martha Stewart wannabe!

By iwanttogotoparis | 26

#6277813 - Thursday 30 April 2015 9:25

Well he tried