Health: Today, after recently getting stitches removed due to a surfing... - FML

By Michael292 - South Africa - Pietermaritzburg

Today, after recently getting stitches removed due to a surfing accident, I had to go to the hospital again to have my eye stitched up due to an idiot who brought a surfboard to a pool, got on it outside the pool, and it slipped from under him and into my face. FML

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Michael292 tells us more :

Life is good, life is great, life is full of stitches...

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Gratitude walks

Ant life

By Flavorite - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML

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By NotHauteCouture - United States

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

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By mags - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

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By Really - United States - Middletown

Today, my professor let a guy into my philosophy class 30 minutes late because his excuse was, "Time is just an illusion." This is the same professor that kicked me out of the classroom for being 2 minutes late. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML

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By pasquale - Australia - Parramatta

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

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By sadcat - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML

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By SuperCoolGurl - Australia

Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

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By BondingTime - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

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By Bloody Nose - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

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By cat-astrophic - United Kingdom

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML

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By neverleavingthehouseagain - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

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By got got

Great help

Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML

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By sadsadlady - Canada

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

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By BURGERT0WN USA - United States - Redmond

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

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By Hungry

I am hungry

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

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By SpideyFace - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

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By Annoyed Student - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, my parents went to the Cayman Islands, leaving me at home in freezing Iowa. Also, even though I never get into trouble, they don't trust me enough to be home on my own. So they hired a babysitter to stay with me until they get back. I'm 17. FML

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By nerderer - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

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By Anonymous

Good job!

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

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By Kurt's Dad

Today, during my grandmother's funeral, my talented ten-year-old son found the church organ and began playing Smells Like Teen Spirit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

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By jackmehoffa - United States - Green Bay

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

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By BFons - United States - Newark

Today, my wife and I are about to move across the country when the landlord for our new house called and said a water line busted and flooded the house. The movers are coming tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was on MSN when the conversation died. So I lied and told them I had to go get ready for a party, and that everyone was expecting me there. I spent the rest of the night playing The Sims. FML

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By thatsillegal - United States

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

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By derve - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

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By MalariaFree - Uganda

Today, I went to a hospital in Uganda, where I'm working with an NGO for the summer. I had a high fever and other symptoms of malaria. They gave me a test, and I don't have malaria. I am now however sick from the water they gave me to wash down a medication to reduce fever. FML

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By :x - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

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By dripdripdrop - United States

Working conditions

Today, it's raining at my work. Not outside, inside. Because our building's boiler broke and all the pipes are dripping with condensation. I have to sit at my desk under an umbrella to protect my laptop and desk phone. The HVAC company said, "Don't worry, this is normal." FML

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By kay_jay1819 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decided to take a shower together. He left the room to get some towels, so I went to the bathroom and wait. I walked out of his room wearing nothing but a thong and ran into his mom who had come home from work early. FML

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Top comments

By mattyiscool123 | 26

#6726227 - Friday 23 December 2016 0:18

You're the only one that seems to get away with puns

By species4872 | 19

#6724623 - Monday 19 December 2016 17:07

Big waves in the pool no doubt.
Sorry about your injuries mate.

COMMENTS

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6724622 - Monday 19 December 2016 17:06

Hopefully, the tide will change with your bad luck and that you will coast in life from now on.

Reply

mattyiscool123 | 26

#6726227 - Friday 23 December 2016 0:18

You're the only one that seems to get away with puns

By species4872 | 19

#6724623 - Monday 19 December 2016 17:07

Big waves in the pool no doubt.
Sorry about your injuries mate.

By SilmeriaKai | 1

#6724627 - Monday 19 December 2016 17:12

Maybe the universe is saying you should avoid all water before you end up getting stitches from a surfboard accident while taking a bath. Sorry you're hurt. Hope you feel better soon. :)

By Dominus101 | 20

#6724629 - Monday 19 December 2016 17:16

This dude going Surf's Up on peoples face is reckless, he needs be more mindful of others to own that board, hope your eye isn't seriously damaged. Get better OP

By RichardPencil | 30

#6724642 - Monday 19 December 2016 17:36

You might want to stop surfing the Web, too, before something bad happens to you.

Looks like surfing's got it in for you.

By OysterPearls | 33

#6724664 - Monday 19 December 2016 19:52

Looks like the only waves you've been catching are waves of pain. FYL, OP.

By xercister | 19

#6724667 - Monday 19 December 2016 19:55

I gotta know... Did you see it coming?

Reply

Michael292 | 0

#6724714 - Monday 19 December 2016 21:53

Indeed I did but I did not recognise it.

By thatsme293 | 28

#6724680 - Monday 19 December 2016 20:50

Only in South Africa.

Reply

awesomeamandas | 37

#6724708 - Monday 19 December 2016 21:46

these 'only in---' jokes are getting really old.
please come up with something better, or don't comment.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#6724751 - Monday 19 December 2016 23:33

Only on FML can you see people bashing "only in" comments.

By ro_vibes | 3

#6724682 - Monday 19 December 2016 20:53

jammer bru

Reply

Michael292 | 0

#6724711 - Monday 19 December 2016 21:50

Ja, kak spat mooi in Durban.

By Dictionaryspeaks | 18

#6724726 - Monday 19 December 2016 22:16

Well at least it wasn't a shark or a Black Friday mob trampling you to save a 10 spot on a vacuum