By FML - United States - Houston Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML I agree, your life sucks 48659 You deserved it 3149 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I wanted to be on top during sex, after always being on the bottom. Afterwards, he said, "You're never riding me like that again." FML I agree, your life sucks 1915 You deserved it 309 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dzisfml - Canada Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML I agree, your life sucks 30455 You deserved it 4594 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML I agree, your life sucks 23139 You deserved it 5129 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smellsofeggs - United Kingdom Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 28975 You deserved it 8456 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By adamwilcockson - Australia - Brisbane Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML I agree, your life sucks 36779 You deserved it 2958 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oops Today, I turned on my ceiling fan for the first time in months. I then watched as hundreds of furry spiders were flung across the room at high speed, in a circular pattern. FML I agree, your life sucks 15078 You deserved it 1772 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TJ - United Kingdom - Redhill Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML I agree, your life sucks 26108 You deserved it 10345 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML I agree, your life sucks 27687 You deserved it 1897 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WaltTheFuckDad - United States - Salida Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML I agree, your life sucks 49253 You deserved it 3581 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By katie06 - United States Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML I agree, your life sucks 26033 You deserved it 5691 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By terrified - United States - Union Star Today, the amount of spiders in my house has gotten so bad that it's become routine to shake out any blankets or towels before using them. FML I agree, your life sucks 29150 You deserved it 3621 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AlwaysAfraid - United States Today, I received the honorary title of "student of the month," because I'm the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML I agree, your life sucks 25693 You deserved it 2491 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/3/2020 14:06 Creeped out Today, I found out my husband only started to date me because he thinks I look like his daughter. She was 5 at that time. FML I agree, your life sucks 1832 You deserved it 124 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Do you have an evil twin? Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML I agree, your life sucks 6816 You deserved it 349 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Blue Lemon - 13/12/2020 20:01 Assumptions Today, I was at a job interview and thought the guy interviewing me was a bit of a perv because he kept staring down at my cleavage. Afterwards, I realised what he was really looking at: the wire in my bra had popped out and had been poking right through my shirt like a dagger. FML I agree, your life sucks 984 You deserved it 198 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Inconnu - France Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML I agree, your life sucks 56424 You deserved it 3837 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Ireland Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML I agree, your life sucks 13864 You deserved it 34725 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - Ireland - Dublin Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML I agree, your life sucks 45189 You deserved it 3381 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Cool kid Today, I found out why everyone stares at my car when I turn a corner. My power steering squeals, and it sounds like a screaming child. I don't have enough money to fix it right now. FML I agree, your life sucks 1455 You deserved it 155 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jensa - United Kingdom - Buckingham Today, my mother kindly brought me some soup as was recovering from having my tonsils out. Spicy Mexican bean soup. Yep, very spicy. FML I agree, your life sucks 30863 You deserved it 2539 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hinowdie - United States Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML I agree, your life sucks 24676 You deserved it 1996 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unluckymiss - United States Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML I agree, your life sucks 29496 You deserved it 4330 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lionhead14 - United Kingdom Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML I agree, your life sucks 13863 You deserved it 42351 253 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FML - Finland Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML I agree, your life sucks 27878 You deserved it 8551 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notgreg - United States Today, I found out my neighbor ordered parking tickets for everyone on the block. My car was 4 inches into his driveway, but not obstructing his exit in any way. That didn't stop him from calling in, on a Sunday, at 8 AM, an 88 dollar ticket. He also left a note "Your parking sucks, love, Greg." FML I agree, your life sucks 28535 You deserved it 10381 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Geraldine - Canada Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML I agree, your life sucks 23330 You deserved it 2755 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bri_sci94 - United States - Madison Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML I agree, your life sucks 39085 You deserved it 3677 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NickJJ - Canada - Toronto Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 43413 You deserved it 18369 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SoCalStoopid - United States Today, to save money, I bought some meat in bulk. When I got home, I was told that power to the neighborhood was out, and probably would be for days. Rather than let the meat rot, I barbecued it all and gave it away to my neighbors. The power came on while everyone was eating. FML I agree, your life sucks 33829 You deserved it 4438 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By McFired - United States Today, I got fired from my job for harassing customers over the weekend. I didn't work over the weekend. I left my nametag there on Friday and my co-workers thought it would be funny to wear my nametag all weekend. One of them got into a fight with a customer and they took her 'name' down. FML I agree, your life sucks 75462 You deserved it 7262 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ohkourt - 20/4/2020 05:00 Mommy dearest Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML I agree, your life sucks 1568 You deserved it 96 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By savanah_aaron Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML I agree, your life sucks 4822 You deserved it 702 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Clairmont Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML I agree, your life sucks 53754 You deserved it 10217 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By charlotte9338 - Canada Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 33883 You deserved it 2879 202 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sallyfradoodle - 13/3/2020 21:00 New Romantics Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML I agree, your life sucks 1434 You deserved it 387 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By S. Michaels - United States Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML I agree, your life sucks 30250 You deserved it 3605 233 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML I agree, your life sucks 36338 You deserved it 8794 224 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ugh - United States Today, at the rescue group I volunteer at, we finally adopted out a dog that has been with us for a few years now. This was an amazing thing for us because we never thought he'd get adopted. As we were getting excited and hugging each other, the dog ran away. FML I agree, your life sucks 45948 You deserved it 8074 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By instinct - Australia - Doncaster East Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML I agree, your life sucks 38763 You deserved it 77995 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 641 You deserved it 142 7 Comments
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1100 You deserved it 57 6 Comments