All the FMLs

Crisis

By Tracey J - 11/02/2025 12:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, in an effort to save money, I dyed my hair at home. I used the wrong shade, or brand, or maybe I shouldn’t have bought a cheap one, but now I look like a mutant traffic cone. My boss asked if I was “expressing myself” or “just having a midlife crisis.” I can’t afford to fix it, so I’m stuck like this for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 469

Read the room

By Sarah - 11/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I was at a family gathering and during a lull in the conversation I started to tell a joke to lighten the mood. Halfway through, I realized the joke was incredibly inappropriate. The room fell silent, and my grandma hasn’t looked at me the same since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 625

Entitled much?

By Knittedbirch - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 206

You deserved it 1 771

We still good?

By Anonymous - 11/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I cooked dinner for the girl I've been dating. Everything was going well until I accidentally set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up, and my date spent the rest of the evening flirting with one of the firefighters, so I guess we weren't actually dating? FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 117

Zoning out

By Anonymous - 11/02/2025 00:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I went to get gas for my car. While waiting in line at the cash register, I was next person, and I noticed the cashier had her name tag on her boob. I like to know other people’s names, and the name tag said Irene. The cashier saw me looking at her breast so now I'm not sure if she thinks I’m a pervert or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 201

Time to go natural

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 16:00 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I wore press on nails and I work in a very professional setting where my hands are 24/7 visible to our clients. I've had multiple nails go flying off at various inappropriate times and my nail glue has been my BFF for 2 weeks. I had to go buy another nail glue bottle to make it through my second week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 597

Day terrors

By Shameonme - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - Morocco

Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 694

You deserved it 61 672

Stuck on you

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I put on a new pair of jeans and went out. Halfway through my errands, I realized the long sticker with my size was still on the back. I walked around for quite a while advertising my embarrassing waist and leg measurements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 327

Big kid

By Pauly - 10/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 348

Overconfident

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I tried carrying all my groceries inside in one trip. I succeeded, but also succeeded in tearing the handles, dropping everything, and rolling a can of soup straight under my neighbor’s car. Never trust cheap tote bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 380

What the actual ****?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment building, in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 027

You deserved it 1 793

Well travelled

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant and confidently ordered in what I thought was fluent French. The waiter stared at me for a second, then responded in perfect English, "Dude, this is an Italian restaurant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 753

Maybe take the bus today?

By Lol - 10/02/2025 00:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got into my car, started the engine, and started driving… only to realize my car was making a weird noise. Panic set in until I realized I was still in my driveway. The weird noise? The gate that I forgot to open, along with a trash can. FM

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 523

Never enough

By Anonymous - 09/02/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I made the mistake of being competent at chores, so according to my wife I’m trying to show her up, because I don’t appreciate her contribution to the household, and I secretly think she’s useless, blah blah. I had a day off so I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Lock me up, I’m guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 79

Salute

By Raven - 09/02/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the amazing, funny guy who introduced me to FML, and who would laugh in band with me every day at FMLs, has died. In his honor, FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 91

Hell no!

By AnnoyedAF - 09/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother has been making videos every time she babysits my kids (who are 2 and 6 years-old) and uploading them to YouTube. She's retired, but out of boredom and need for attention, she seems to have tried making a family vlog channel, but with MY kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 104

External validation

By Anonymous - 09/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 105

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 09/02/2025 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I realized how much my family truly hates me. I had a whole baby and nobody showed up to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 129

Sobering

By happy bday - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I'm now in charge of driving my friends home after they've had an awesome night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 410

You deserved it 9 527

Freeloader

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 21:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that I have at least stage 3 cancer. I went on my insurance's website to get information for the doctors. I also saw "Other people who have been on your plan." My ex-wife was listed, with a new last name. She got remarried. I'm just going to let the cancer take me at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 112

Numb

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Canton

Today, an accident, which ripped off skin off of one side of my penis (which healed fine) a year ago, now has a side effect. If I sit on a hard chair too long, that area gets numb to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and the only solution is to stand up and rub it until the numbness goes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 93

Scheming

By lordoftheweird - 08/02/2025 13:00 - Canada

Today, I found out my parents' entire marriage was a convoluted scheme to get them both permanently unfit to stand trial. I am genuinely scared to find out what they have planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 87

There's still hope, then?

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 20:00 - Nigeria

Today, I think I've finally lost my girl. I think she stopped liking me a while ago, but I didn't ask because I was afraid of the answer. We haven't texted in almost two days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 433

Thrashed

By Ringo McDingo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 557

You deserved it 2 268

Mouth malfunction

By Melanie - 08/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 525

My life is a movie

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was late for work and sprinted to catch the elevator. I made it just in time, only to realize I was in the elevator alone and had just dramatically dived into it for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 318

Risky move

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 09:00 - Canada

Today, I sent a risky text to my crush and immediately put my phone on airplane mode so I wouldn’t spend the next hour anticipating and responding to his reply. I forgot I did this and spent the whole day thinking he was ignoring me, but when I switched it back on, I'd not received a single message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 493

Last splash

By sicktomystomach - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 228

You deserved it 5 293

No plan B

By Marie - 07/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my phone randomly stopped working and I have three phone interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 66

Average Millwall fan

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I went to a job interview and tried to break the ice by making a joke. In doing so, I accidentally insulted the interviewer’s favorite football team. He spent the next 10 minutes explaining why I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 516

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for being a "cheating whore" when he found men’s deodorant in my bathroom cabinet. I just have abnormally strong B.O. and men’s deodorant works better for me. According to him, "No girl sweats that much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 356

You deserved it 323

Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 637

You deserved it 5 391

Today, I got into my driving instructor's car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 966

You deserved it 3 722

Today, my husband is becoming more uncivilised the older he gets, as I had to remind him to put trousers on while we have guests in the house, and over dinner he was picking his belly button at the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 144

Today, I slipped at work while putting out a "wet floor" sign to make sure the customers didn't slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 064

You deserved it 6 567

Today, I had a Tinder coffee date. He picked me up, we went to a coffee shop, we talked about work. I was having a fine time, that is until I went to the restroom and came back to find him, his car, and my phone charger gone. That was my only charger, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 336

You deserved it 875