Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

by mylifeisfed / 11/04/2009 at 7:56am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

by burned / 11/04/2009 at 5:12am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

by ishouldhidethekeys / 11/04/2009 at 3:44am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Transportation

Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend "You're kidding, right?" FML

by BlackCheetah101 / 11/04/2009 at 1:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

by dishwasherforlife / 11/04/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

by assdialed. / 11/04/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an appointment with a psychotherapist. I was feeling very depressed and was telling her how I felt no one cared about me. Her phone rang and she left me mid-sentence to take a call about her new BMW. FML

by troubled / 11/04/2009 at 12:10am / United States (California) / Health

Today, the guy I've been dating texted me to say he joined an online dating site. He must have thought I was the best person to share this information with. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2009 at 12:05am / Canada (Northwest Territories) / Love

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

by ljd09 / 11/03/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I got my crush's phone number. I started texting him and once I told him who it was, he stopped replying. FML

by tbanana95 / 11/03/2009 at 10:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

by scaryhairy / 11/03/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my best friend and the guy I had a crush on for 2 years are getting married. The worst part is that they've been dating for 2 years in secret, and just came out about it now. I've been telling her for 2 years how much I like him, and she's encouraged me the whole time. FML

by Uknowwh / 11/03/2009 at 8:12pm / United States (New York) / Love