Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

by shawty / 08/22/2010 at 8:14am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over breakfast. In the afternoon I got to smile at him prettily for hours because he was the photographer in a session neither of us could get out of. FML

by lee / 08/22/2010 at 3:24am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

cartez2gs's comment : ahahahhahaa. pwned by your child. shave your furry beaver. lol

See all the comments

Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then tells me that he is cheating on me, that he is dumping me, and that I am fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML

by jemstuff / 08/22/2010 at 2:28am / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

by arace15336 / 08/22/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

by coffee / 08/22/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML

by ananomus / 08/22/2010 at 12:26am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

by jessiegirl / 08/21/2010 at 11:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

by thyella87 / 08/21/2010 at 3:20pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

by puppielover / 08/21/2010 at 1:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

by clitorasaurus / 08/21/2010 at 2:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

by car / 08/21/2010 at 1:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money