Anonymous · 10 April 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Bathroom breakdown

Today, I used the public restroom at a park. After washing my hands, I went to dry them, only to realize there were no paper towels. I thought the air dryer would work, but it broke halfway through, leaving me standing there, awkwardly fanning my hands with my arms spread wide. A group of teenagers walked in and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182 You deserved it 316

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louise · 9 April 2025, 20:00 ·United States

I don't know what I'm doing

Today, I went to the grocery store and used the self-checkout for speed. Everything was going fine until I tried to weigh a watermelon. The machine beeped every time, but the price didn’t show up, just an error message. I tried to weigh it again and again, until an employee came over, sighed, and said, “That’s a cantaloupe, not a watermelon.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 You deserved it 515

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Liam. · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·France

Hot wheels

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 785 You deserved it 52 480

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Anonymous · 9 April 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Mr Bean

Today, I was at a work lunch, and the waiter brought me a soda I hadn’t ordered. I thought it was a free mistake, so I took a sip. It was actually my boss’s drink. As soon as I noticed, I tried to give it back, but he just stared at me and said, "It’s fine. I’ve already seen you drink it now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 You deserved it 486

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There there dear · 9 April 2025, 12:00 ·Winnipeg, Canada

Get me out of here!

Today, I hired a babysitter for my two kids for the evening. When I came home, I found her sitting on the floor, crying with a full bowl of popcorn, watching a kids' movie. Apparently, my six-year-old had decided to re-enact every scene from the movie, and she couldn’t take it anymore. I had to hug her and assure her that she was doing a great job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335 You deserved it 130

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Hoo boy · 9 April 2025, 09:00 ·New York, United States

Truth bomb

Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 452 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·London, United Kingdom

It wasn't me

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 090 You deserved it 3 657

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Christine · 9 April 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Performance art

Today, I was in a video call with my boss when my Wi-Fi decided to take a vacation. I thought I could salvage the situation by using my iPhone’s hotspot. But then my phone ran out of data mid-sentence, and my boss got a glimpse of me cursing at my phone while frantically waving it in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353 You deserved it 119

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Not Steve · 8 April 2025, 22:00 ·Sacramento, United States

**** you, Steve

Today, after my company laid off half the contractors I usually deal with and replaced them with AI tools, I spent my day “collaborating” with a chatbot that keeps calling me Steve. My name isn’t Steve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467 You deserved it 66

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Rough patch

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 485 You deserved it 2 898

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Anonymous · 8 April 2025, 15:00 ·Kansas City, United States

Nil - nil

Today, I got into an online debate about reproductive rights, healthcare, gun laws, and education in the US, all in one thread. Someone told me, “This is the greatest country in the world.” I asked, “Based on what?” He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372 You deserved it 301

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Well that didn't work · 8 April 2025, 12:00 ·Edison, United States

Nice try

Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217 You deserved it 518

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Anonymous · 8 April 2025, 09:00 ·Victoria, United States

Bad omen

Today, I got a call from the dealership I was trying to work a deal with. After finishing the paperwork at the dealership, I tried to leave on my brand new Harley Davison. It wouldn’t start, so someone came back after hours to jump start my new bike, only to wipe out in the street there, wrecking my new bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380 You deserved it 144

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

This is fine

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 268 You deserved it 3 657

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Anonymous · 8 April 2025, 03:00 ·Fresno, United States

Preapproved

Today, after saving for years, I was finally ready to buy a home. I found a decent place. I put in an offer. A hedge fund bought it 7 minutes later, for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551 You deserved it 79

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Sarah · 8 April 2025, 00:00 ·Australia

Great presentation!

Today, I wore a new pair of heels to an interview. Halfway through, as they were showing me around the production floor, one of my heels snapped. I was forced to finish the interview wobbling on one heel like a drunk flamingo. I wasn’t offered the job, but they did say, “You have great balance.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 448 You deserved it 107

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Only me · 7 April 2025, 22:00 ·France

FOR SALE

Today, on the advice of a girl from sales, I sent a company-wide email with the subject line, "FOR SALE - 2010 Toyota Camry." I realized the social faux pas a minute later when my department head replied-to-all, "FOR SALE - half eaten sandwich." Now everyone thinks I’m a dumbass for confusing company emails for Craigslist, and for believing anyone who works in sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 You deserved it 563

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Not again!!! · 7 April 2025, 20:00 ·Spokane, United States

Emergency!

Today, I had a major digestive emergency while at work. I rushed to the bathroom, just to realize there were no toilet paper rolls left. In a moment of desperation, I used the last few pages of my notebook to make do. Now I’m terrified of what’s going to happen if my boss ever asks for the reports I wrote in that notebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375 You deserved it 106

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Sunshinenwhiskey · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Dallas, United States

Brother in law enforcement

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 199 You deserved it 1 056

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Anonymous · 7 April 2025, 15:00 ·Akron, United States

Are you winning?

Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414 You deserved it 125

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Embarassed · 7 April 2025, 12:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

Da ba dee da ba di

Today, I was in a meeting when my phone suddenly rang. I'd forgotten to silence it, but it wasn’t just any ringtone, it was "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65. It played for 30 seconds while everyone stared at me rushing to retrieve it from my bag on the other side of the room and turn it off. The worst part? That fucking song is still stuck in my head, and it's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 You deserved it 452

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Anonymous · 7 April 2025, 09:00 ·Boulder, United States

Curb your curb

Today, on my way out of a coffee shop, I tripped over a curb while holding a full cup of coffee. The coffee flew in slow motion, hitting a stranger right in the face. As I stood there, frozen, I realized the puddle of coffee was now surrounding both of us. All I could do was apologize while trying to avoid a public fistfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384 You deserved it 104

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Toosicktoquit · 7 April 2025, 06:24 ·Omaha, United States

I need this

Today, I woke up in the ER after constant coughing and pneumonia made me pass out. I told my boss I was in the hospital with an infection and 235/163 blood pressure, so I wouldn’t be in. His response was, “So, you are a lazy POS and expect your colleagues to cover you?” I’d quit if my health was better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096 You deserved it 200

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Lose-lose

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 503 You deserved it 8 024

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Anonymous · 7 April 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Try microplastics!

Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 515

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Chris · 6 April 2025, 22:00 ·Canada

Cool cool cool

Today, I saw my ex and his new girlfriend walking towards me. To make things less awkward, I tried to be cool and give him a high five. He misjudged and went for a fist bump. I ended up slapping his hand, and it felt like it lasted forever, all while she just smirked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172 You deserved it 329

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Simp

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 588 You deserved it 40 219

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Yasminne · 6 April 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Next!

Today, the guy I like took 15 hours to respond to my text. When I asked him why he took so long to respond, he said, “Chill, I’m not your boyfriend or anything, why are you asking me questions like that?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 You deserved it 994

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Anonymous · 6 April 2025, 12:00 ·Australia

Many such cases

Today, I organised a birthday party for myself. There was supposed to be about 20 people coming. Not a single person showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596 You deserved it 86

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Anonymous · 6 April 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Just another day

Today, I went to buy oat milk and got caught in an active shooter lockdown at the store. Oh, America, the only place where plant-based dairy is more accessible than mental healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459 You deserved it 134

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