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Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

#19954637
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18518) - you deserved it (5922)

On 07/18/2012 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

#3613021
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18519) - you deserved it (60359)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by sadlife (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

#7338496
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18516) - you deserved it (15994)

On 01/14/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by light_talker (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18514) - you deserved it (87816)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

#18798370
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18514) - you deserved it (12989)

On 01/13/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Jonkopings Lan)

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
273 comments

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

#20508952
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18514) - you deserved it (53529)

On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18512) - you deserved it (61654)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

#8116532
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18510) - you deserved it (4949)

On 02/11/2010 at 12:13am - work - by brit - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

#19568451
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18507) - you deserved it (4265)

On 05/03/2012 at 1:45pm - misc - by screwedupkid -

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

#6055815
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18503) - you deserved it (4692)

On 10/29/2009 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

#20005337
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18502) - you deserved it (3586)

On 08/06/2012 at 4:13am - love - by awkwardparents - United States (California)

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

#21249316
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18521) - you deserved it (1354)

On 08/31/2014 at 9:56pm - work - by dining - United States (Iowa)



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