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Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbor's attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

#21478578
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26253) - you deserved it (1687)

On 10/11/2015 at 11:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

#8765268
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26251) - you deserved it (2855)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Lin - United States (California)

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

#14018478
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26251) - you deserved it (6935)

On 11/29/2010 at 12:03am - health - by caliibbyy -

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

#17737867
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26251) - you deserved it (6382)

On 09/13/2011 at 5:40pm - misc - by steph - China

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

#20059793
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (3880)

On 09/05/2012 at 11:27pm - work - by divorcee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

#19138227
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (3197)

On 02/22/2012 at 10:53am - misc - by Whoopsie - United States

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

#15898424
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26247) - you deserved it (2751)

On 04/23/2011 at 2:33pm - misc - by wet (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

#6760576
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (4846)

On 12/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Will (man) - United States

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

#14117134
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (2263)

On 12/07/2010 at 5:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, "Community" was pulled from its mid-season lineup, with plans to hopefully put it back on the schedule at some unknown time. It will probably be canceled. Meanwhile, "Whitney" is still on the air and doing fine. FML

#18253650
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (7436)

On 11/15/2011 at 5:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML

#19971853
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (8130)

On 07/22/2012 at 12:24am - animals - by whymegirl - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

#21469165
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (3108)

On 09/16/2015 at 1:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

#21465162
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (1680)

On 09/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by Anon - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)



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