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Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

by brokenrelicslost / 01/08/2010 at 3:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

by curly_eyelashes / 02/24/2013 at 9:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

by Shelby / 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

by khaelian / 11/11/2010 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML

by neverakid / 04/13/2012 at 9:01pm / United States / Kids

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

by ewwy / 10/10/2010 at 2:54am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

by Username / 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into my first car accident. I side swiped the truck next to me merging into another lane. He was in my blind spot. It was a cop. FML

by bym5052 / 07/14/2011 at 8:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

by steph / 09/13/2011 at 5:40pm / China / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings-No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right...NO INTEREST." FML

by Ma.Sa.La. / 02/27/2009 at 10:18am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8 hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I am now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

by evenpoorer / 03/16/2010 at 1:19am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2010 at 12:43pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2012 at 12:57am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous