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Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

#14403939
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17788) - you deserved it (6813)

On 12/31/2010 at 1:13am - misc - by brenami (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

#430302
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17786) - you deserved it (59348)

On 03/17/2009 at 11:48pm - misc - by jina (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, there is an annular solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

#19653342
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17786) - you deserved it (2772)

On 05/20/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by VocalizedBoar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

#20074281
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17782) - you deserved it (3076)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by kacie smith - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

#20113923
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17781) - you deserved it (1715)

On 10/12/2012 at 6:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

#13762185
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17775) - you deserved it (2829)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:32am - misc - by facingit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML

#19510821
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17775) - you deserved it (25155)

On 04/22/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by stoggie96 - United States (Ohio)

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

#16561931
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17772) - you deserved it (38925)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

#4589153
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17771) - you deserved it (41757)

On 08/17/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by tailgaterhater - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

#19341181
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17770) - you deserved it (2191)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

#6356025
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17768) - you deserved it (7459)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:35pm - intimacy - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

#1125126
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17766) - you deserved it (55472)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:52pm - work - by Crunchy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

#20072880
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17766) - you deserved it (3221)

On 09/15/2012 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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