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Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

#19655658
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23526) - you deserved it (7211)

On 05/21/2012 at 1:56am - intimacy - by morethanredhands -

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

#15899858
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23525) - you deserved it (9826)

On 04/23/2011 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

#20784911
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23522) - you deserved it (45658)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm - money - by Jer (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

#3602440
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23521) - you deserved it (55388)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:21am - health - by Fattypatty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML

#18067100
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23521) - you deserved it (3081)

On 10/24/2011 at 9:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

#19732110
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23521) - you deserved it (2495)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:02am - misc - by unacceptable (woman) - Australia

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

#6408198
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23520) - you deserved it (5389)

On 11/22/2009 at 5:07pm - animals - by Annie (woman) - Mexico (Coahuila de Zaragoza)

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

#20514672
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23520) - you deserved it (7738)

On 02/20/2013 at 8:54am - misc - by kryan012 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

#21057961
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23518) - you deserved it (35324) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/12/2014 at 4:47am - work - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

#19850668
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23517) - you deserved it (11158)

On 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Heather (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

#9158160
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23517) - you deserved it (3597)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:16pm - health - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML

#19641657
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23512) - you deserved it (2111)

On 05/18/2012 at 12:05pm - love - by ohyesIfeelspecial (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

#21369280
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23512) - you deserved it (18247)

On 03/06/2015 at 12:41pm - work - by f*ck (man) - Australia (South Australia)



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