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Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

#17621188
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23021) - you deserved it (11894)

On 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

#10913904
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23017) - you deserved it (3919)

On 06/01/2010 at 10:34pm - misc - by chiclet - Sent from mobile version

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

#7518745
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23012) - you deserved it (3056)

On 01/23/2010 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

#20483441
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23012) - you deserved it (2731)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm - health - by shitty situation - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

#5680173
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23010) - you deserved it (2878)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by Crappit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

#19508765
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23009) - you deserved it (4103)

On 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm - health - by JurassicHole (man) - United States

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

#21383501
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23008) - you deserved it (12463)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

#21416691
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23018) - you deserved it (1497)

On 05/27/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by concom - Cyprus

Today, my boss reported to the police that a suspicious car has been parked outside the store late at night. I walked outside and my car was gone. He had my car towed. FML

#19037206
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23006) - you deserved it (1868)

On 02/09/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by truth - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend advice on apartment hunting - as we were planning to move in with each other. He told me that there is no way he can afford to move out of his parents' house anytime soon. He can, however, afford a collection of belt-fed automatic nerf guns. FML

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML

#19377820
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23004) - you deserved it (2642)

On 03/30/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by sad (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

#8658018
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23001) - you deserved it (5631)

On 02/26/2010 at 3:30am - misc - by UnfortunateGirly (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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