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Today, I got a two dollar raise. Unfortunately, I recently accepted a transfer to a job on the other side of the state to what was, at the time, a more lucrative position. I can't cancel it, so now I get to move into a pay cut. FML

#20514453
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22554) - you deserved it (5640)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:33am - work - by MeanGina (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

#6287629
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22552) - you deserved it (4494)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by thelistman (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

#14410593
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22552) - you deserved it (3035)

On 12/31/2010 at 3:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

#13861463
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22551) - you deserved it (3658)

On 11/16/2010 at 2:13am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

#19486401
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22551) - you deserved it (1730)

On 04/17/2012 at 8:55pm - misc - by yuuupyup - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

#19099040
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22549) - you deserved it (5207)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:43am - kids - by thatoneperson - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

#18408881
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22548) - you deserved it (5671)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:14am - animals - by inpain - United States (California)

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

#19312851
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22550) - you deserved it (2474)

On 03/20/2012 at 7:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22547) - you deserved it (59259)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22545) - you deserved it (12004)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

#20023605
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22548) - you deserved it (1566)

On 08/16/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by scarredforlife - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

#13675259
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22543) - you deserved it (10021)

On 11/01/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML



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