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Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

#14528961
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18437) - you deserved it (6336)

On 01/10/2011 at 1:45am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

#19748698
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18434) - you deserved it (3091)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:00am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

#20159578
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18426) - you deserved it (5777)

On 11/11/2012 at 9:16pm - love - by x (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

#4476894
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18424) - you deserved it (36565)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

#8859688
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18424) - you deserved it (4119)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:14am - misc - by shortiem (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18421) - you deserved it (109171)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

#11548771
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18419) - you deserved it (25065)

On 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by Tp (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

#11322556
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18419) - you deserved it (27905)

On 06/20/2010 at 12:11am - health - by LoveYouTooMa (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

#19025712
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18419) - you deserved it (2314)

On 02/08/2012 at 10:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18419) - you deserved it (1498)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

#19416398
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18418) - you deserved it (2091)

On 04/06/2012 at 7:09am - work - by mockable (woman) - United States

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

#20193447
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18418) - you deserved it (5184)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:24am - misc - by whaleninjapoop - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18417) - you deserved it (58574)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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