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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

#9572677
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21647) - you deserved it (8709)

On 04/02/2010 at 7:33am - misc - by Gina - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21648) - you deserved it (4617)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

#4774065
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21646) - you deserved it (38978)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML

#6367653
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21644) - you deserved it (5991)

On 11/19/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by Sam_Licker81 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the old lady I've been taking care of and running errands for died. She hadn't paid me yet. FML

#16820204
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21645) - you deserved it (42684)

On 06/23/2011 at 5:40pm - money - by sadcapri96 (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

#7077450
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21643) - you deserved it (2352)

On 01/01/2010 at 5:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

#1741
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21641) - you deserved it (1905)

On 01/19/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by vixenscars - United States (California)

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

#19453848
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21638) - you deserved it (2745)

On 04/12/2012 at 1:30am - love - by Kayla (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

#19102650
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21637) - you deserved it (5305)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21635) - you deserved it (6060)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21633) - you deserved it (27315)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

#8458857
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21633) - you deserved it (2034)

On 02/19/2010 at 10:13pm - work - by monochromatic - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

#19557716
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21629) - you deserved it (4494)

On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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