FML - The follow-up
girlsncomics Say more :
I had them in a shelf that I was sure she couldn't reach suppose I was wrong. This was the first and only time she did something like this.
By "girlsncomics" - / Friday 7 April 2017 10:27 /
FML - The follow-up
ruttles Say more :
Op here I actually don't buy the kcups I buy regular coffee and a pod with a washable filter...both cheaper and environmentally friendly. And the keurig was given to me so never actually bought the machine and I never read up on the maintenance instructions like I should've, which I acknowledge is my fault. But I put milk and sugar in my coffee so it never actually tasted bad to me. And the whole machine...
By ruttles - / Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:47 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, I went to the hairdressers for a quick cut and wash. I didn't expect my ear to be included in it. FML

Pixiewolfe Say more :
Wow my life really sucks with two FMLs published in a month. Luckily she did not actually cut any part of the ear off. It was painful and bleeding a lot but I'm no van Gogh look a like.
By 'Earmeout! - / Tuesday 25 April 2017 11:04 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, I was feeling ill when I woke up. While on the bus to work, I threw up into a plastic cup. I had to sit for half an hour holding an open, very full, warm cup of vomit. FML

siggy_mcsigx Say more :
It was a coach bus and I was sitting at the back, meaning I would have had to walk up an aisle of eyes and stand up there waiting for the driver to find a suitable place (not easy on irish country roads). Thanks tho :)
By mcsicky - / Friday 21 April 2017 23:43 / United Kingdom
FML - The follow-up
Vee94 Say more :
OP here! (I didn't have an account when I submitted this..) Yeah this was a weird, uncomfortable experience for me. I've had dates which were boring or which I wasn't into (and vice versa) but there's nothing quite like watching someone fish out chewing tobacco from their gums and plonk it in a coffee cup while telling you that your eyes are pretty... This was a really nice, upmarket coffee shop...
By aargh - / Saturday 22 April 2017 11:09 /
FML - The follow-up
Kitkat7291 Say more :
OP here - I've tried to leave an update a few times but it never sends -_-' I did go to the hospital that day and the over all verdict was in fact an ulcer. I'm on really strong antacids now. I also quit that job 2 weeks after this post, but only after securing another one. I'm much happier now, thank you everyone!
By Anonymous - / Wednesday 22 February 2017 14:44 / United States
FML - The follow-up

Today, it's my birthday. My friends don't believe me since they "didn't get a Facebook notification." FML

ldemosthenous Say more :
hey op here this happened a few months ago! I have my bday in my profile but its privated cause all the meaningless HBD wishes from my FB "Friends" are meaningless plus I don't really care about FB. To be honest I was a bit disappointed that they forgot but thankfully my family remembered.
By ldemosthenous - / Saturday 22 April 2017 16:10 /
FML - The follow-up
senordonkeydildo Say more :
Wow! I can't believe this got posted so fast. I only posted it like 3 days ago. Let me just inform you all that I made it out, SAFE and with UNBROKEN doors. I texted a buddy of mine and he came and got me out, but not before making me listen to him tell me a plethora of gay jokes. It was worth it though because after I came out of the closet (ha ha) we had some beers and played video games for a few...
By "senordonkeydildo" - / Sunday 23 April 2017 00:06 / United States - Center Conway
FML - The follow-up
MrsMusselLady Say more :
Lol no, it was my first weekend off after working 8 days in a row! I had gotten off work at 0700 and went straight home to that whole situation.
By MrsMusselLady - / Saturday 22 April 2017 08:10 / United Kingdom - Huntingdon
FML - The follow-up

Today, my new roommate moved in. One of the first conversations we had began with her asking where I wanted her to put my menstrual cup, which I had absentmindedly left in the bathroom sink. FML

attak_fml Say more :
Hey guys! OP here. First of all: yay, one of my submissions finally made it! So, to clear some things up: 1. The fml is obviously about me being embarrassed to death that this happened. I wanted to make a good first impression and I was so nervous and I forgot to put the cup away. It's defiantly not about me thinking she made an unreasonable request or anything. 2. The cup was emptied and thoroughly...
By katinka - / Friday 21 April 2017 12:47 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, I finally met the cute guy that I've been talking to for the last 3 weeks. Turns out "5'8"" was a really big exaggeration for "5"3' in boots'. FML

SunDown2015 Say more :
I'm the OP. So, let's be clear: I'm "5'6" and height isn't a big deal for me. What was important to me was that he lied. He also showed up to our meeting stoned off his ass, and then proceeded to throw a muddy basketball at me (which got all over my new shirt). Definitely not Prince Charming. I got out of there ASAP! I guess online dating just isn't my cup of tea. Thanks for the FML though! :)
By Hobbits&LiarsOhMy! - / Wednesday 19 April 2017 12:53 / United States - Nacogdoches
FML - The follow-up

Today, while eating in a Mexican restaurant, I asked the waitperson how the drink my husband ordered was pronounced in Spanish. She replied, "Vodka Martini." FML

Exaspera Say more :
OP here. What a surprise, my first published FML! Being a Mexican restaurant, all of the employees there were Mexican. I try to keep up on my Spanish and wanted to know the translation. This one turned out to be rather easy to remember. Cheers!
By Languages - / Wednesday 19 April 2017 13:57 / United States - Irving
FML - The follow-up
cydia123 Say more :
Hey guys OP here and FINALLY got an fml published! Phoned them again yesterday at a more appropriate time and they just told me due to high emergency volume to phone tomorrow (as in today). If they don't cancel it today, I will go ape shit as they're still billing me :) thanks everyone!
By cydia123 - / Wednesday 19 April 2017 16:38 / United Kingdom - Chesterfield
FML - The follow-up
Thegatewayslug Say more :
I know right! She texted me after the movie to tell me she left because of the coughing but that's it. I definitely wasn't handsy at all because I met up with her just to hang out, like it wasn't a date at all, and it couldve been real coughing but it was super sudden and out of the blue so idk...
By Thegatewayslug - / Monday 27 March 2017 04:29 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, I found out my parents never naturalized me. I'm adopted from a country I've never been to, and now I could be deported there. FML

William Sever Say more :
To clarify, I was born in a foreign country and adopted at less than a month old. My parents are both US citizens. I was never naturalized.
By MWSL01 - / Wednesday 12 April 2017 13:00 / United States - Duluth
FML - The follow-up
cacheson Say more :
Ok, followup: cat is fine. She had to stay at the hospital overnight with IV fluids to flush out her system. Also, anyone who understands how picky cats are about what they eat would be surprised that a cat would even consider chocolate food... including the emergency vet, who had never seen a case of a cat eating chocolate in her entire 15 years, simply because cats are not supposed to be dumb enough...
By cacheson - / Tuesday 11 April 2017 20:37 /
FML - The follow-up
chanmeister Say more :
OP here, and it seems like I didn't mention I'm a guy. Before you ask, no I'm not gay.
By chanmeister - / Saturday 8 April 2017 06:50 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, my hockey gear is in Jacksonville, Florida. Too bad my game in three hours is in Dallas, Texas. FML

EvanB60 Say more :
OP here, I live in Maryland and had to fly to Dallas for my hockey tournament. Although my stick showed up at the right airport, my bag containing my gear was somehow flown to Jacksonville instead of Dallas.
By Tendy - / Thursday 6 April 2017 08:46 /
FML - The follow-up
cacheson Say more :
Hi everyone, and thanks for the comments! It's actually an adult community band for people to just have an outlet without the stress or ability requirement of a higher level ensemble. We were both fairly new to the group. The guy in question is a middle-aged principal software engineer who is an amateur musician, while I am a first-year music teacher with a master's degree. Why I'm not in a professional...
By cacheson - / Wednesday 5 April 2017 00:29 /
FML - The follow-up
kdragonrose Say more :
Op here. Yeah, I tried to tell them the road needs regraded, but a) I'm female and b) I'm just a laborer so no one bothers to listen to me. There are several elderly people on that particular road who have nothing to do but complain about the holes so that's why they sent me out. It still doesn't make it right for the rednecks to fly up the road and fling all the stone out. If I hadn't been ducking...
By Holey - / Friday 7 April 2017 03:15 /
FML - The follow-up
medicalstudent94 Say more :
OP here. First of all, thank you very much for your support!! Secondly, the reason why my father hates my husband is because of the cultural difference. My family is a conservative traditional eastern European family, they are Christian Orthodox and they care a lot about tradition (getting married in a church, baptizing the kids in orthodox religion, blindly following or doing whatever an older family...
By Anonymous - / Sunday 26 March 2017 06:08 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, I was barely out of the shower when someone knocked on the door. Thinking it was my husband, I opened the door wearing just a bathrobe. It was my husband. With two cops. "Do you know this man ?" FML

IcyDarcy Say more :
OP here. So happy this got published, I need to frame it and gift it to my husband so he'll never forget this glorious moment :D Here's the full story: We were visiting some of my relatives for the holidays, and they live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere. My husband didn't know the place, it was the night (rather dark because there are very few streetlights), and he was a bit tipsy because...
By IcyDarcy - / Monday 3 April 2017 19:08 / Finland
FML - The follow-up

Today, I worked for 9 hours, walking up and down stairs and surviving. I get off work, come home, pour a glass of wine, and manage to fall down a small staircase in my house, spilling the wine everywhere. FML

Rachel Todd Say more :
Hey everyone! Let me explain a little bit more of what happened up to the fall. I work in Hollywood, and for a show I was working on, they wanted people running up and down stairs because something happened (can't go into detail due to privacy for the show). Working in Hollywood can create crazy long hours, 9 hours being a "short day". So it being a night shoot, and pretending to run for my life, and...
By Rachel Todd - / Friday 31 March 2017 21:02 /
FML - The follow-up
Leveritas Say more :
OP here. Didn't think this would have posted, let alone so quickly. I spent the first half of my evening thinking about what I may have said wrong. Do you know a 'realization' moment, like in the cartoons? That's what it felt like. She didn't make eye contact with me the entire evening, and I felt terrible afterwards. Also yes, pitching a tent is correct, but it was both translated from Dutch and close...
By Awkwarddinner - / Friday 31 March 2017 12:55 /
FML - The follow-up
Kingperson24 Say more :
OP here. To be fair, it sat on my sink where we usually keep our medicine, and it never mentioned it being a bathroom cleaner, only instructions on 'applying internally'. Basically, it's description and instructions were worded in a way that made it sound like a deodorant, or at least something to be applied on yourself. Can I say for the record that it worked perfectly...?
By oops... - / Friday 31 March 2017 10:29 /
FML - The follow-up
AkaiKitsune Say more :
Now for the full story, since FML has such limited space. Me and my friends went way the fuck up to the middle of nowhere with the horses and trailer. The truck only seats four people but there was five of us. Since buddy 1 was contributing the truck and #2 the trailer. #3 brought food/gas and #4 brought supplies a spare horse for transportation of all our shit. Then there was me. Too broke to contribute...
By AkaiKitsune - / Monday 27 March 2017 15:24 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, some kids playing around stepped in front of the bus I was on. The driver slammed the brakes, and I hit my knee so hard my kneecap dislodged. The kids were all fine, though. FML

Hgbest11 Say more :
nah dude. the kids were playing that dumb game where you pretendingly dart in front of a car and then dart back, it's a really idiotic game. but they were never really in danger of getting hit.
By limping - / Tuesday 28 March 2017 17:50 / United Kingdom - London
FML - The follow-up

Today, after keeping myself awake coughing for 2 hours, I finally drifted off. My cat apparently thought I'd died, and gave me CPR. Now I have claw marks on my chest, and I'm still awake. FML

racello13 Say more :
Hey, this is mine! The whole time I've been sick, said cat has been sleeping on my chest/face. Can't cough if you can't breathe, right?
By racello13 - / Sunday 26 March 2017 16:24 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, my girlfriend got jealous because I wanted to adopt a puppy. FML

854alice Say more :
Hey, Op here. I saw that this got posted (rather unexpectedly I might add) and I feel like I need to clear this up. First off to those saying she is crazy or I should leave her, you shouldn't really judge a book by its cover and know the full story before making comments like that. She is the kindest and most wonderful person I have ever met in my life. Se didn't intend to tell me that she was...
By 854alice - / Sunday 26 March 2017 21:39 / United Kingdom - Stamford
FML - The follow-up
GhostFox Say more :
This is mine. I was really more embarrassed and kind of horrified by the damage to the carts- two of them had broken plastic parts and one had a bent frame- but the manager was very calm about it and apologized for it even malfunctioning. I try not to use the buggies, but I have a disorder that makes my joints prone to dislocation and my soft tissue prone to tearing- and after I torn a ligament in...
By Anonymous - / Thursday 23 March 2017 11:00 /
Your score: 0
Ranking :0
: 0

Daily ranking

# Nickname Score
1 nicoled825 17824
2 Jeanelle McKenzie Eakin 13150
3 S197.GT 11477
4 hellokristel 11142
5 SweetCandyKitten 9933
6 dariasdouble212 9753
7 Bryanna Loreti 9214
8 roguestick 8148
9 Ali Fraser 7978
10 lindora 5948
Loading data…