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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

#15600756
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32215) - you deserved it (11384)

On 04/02/2011 at 3:35am - kids - by Viciousvixen_21 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

#14913513
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8343) - you deserved it (49162)

On 02/09/2011 at 8:12pm - misc - by inosehowthatgotthere (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

#7594942
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34705) - you deserved it (2098)

On 01/26/2010 at 7:09pm - misc - by newniece (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

#17609010
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31720) - you deserved it (2191)

On 08/29/2011 at 12:06am - misc - by Ariella - Singapore

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45249) - you deserved it (6358)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27644) - you deserved it (3338)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

#4000327
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45192) - you deserved it (6428)

On 07/24/2009 at 5:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Haryana)

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

#21300409
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27953) - you deserved it (2767)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:52pm - work - by username - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

#13802701
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23962) - you deserved it (3916)

On 11/11/2010 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

#21420064
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (1678)

On 06/03/2015 at 2:03am - misc - by she has dumbcuntitis (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I love her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML

#15945693
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32602) - you deserved it (5104)

On 04/27/2011 at 4:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

#5692433
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37856) - you deserved it (3594)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:07pm - animals - by gera3gera - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

#6710646
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21827) - you deserved it (7799)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, I awoke to the sound of a gunshot, followed by children screaming. I leapt out of bed and ran to my balcony, only to see people casually milling around the elementary school parking lot under a "Science Fair" banner. A kid's science experiment scared me shitless. FML

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