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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

#17755908
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24642) - you deserved it (2630)

On 09/16/2011 at 1:40am - animals - by izu - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

#5948720
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9955) - you deserved it (39766)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

#5616852
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39106) - you deserved it (2573)

On 10/03/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by ColdFoot (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95756) - you deserved it (16193)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

#6652646
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31724) - you deserved it (8744)

On 12/07/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Postdotfuzz (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it's been exactly two years since I got my last raise. And the amount I got still allows me the luxury of being able to afford a Snickers bar every month. FML

#19488573
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21854) - you deserved it (2309)

On 04/18/2012 at 3:49am - work - by Disgruntled (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

#14187537
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108630) - you deserved it (6012)

On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML

#8801488
220 comments

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

#19348769
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20719) - you deserved it (2073)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by Ringo McDingo (man) - United States

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

#6439470
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29893) - you deserved it (2048)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by bummer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML

#13939042
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31659) - you deserved it (5045)

On 11/22/2010 at 5:35pm - misc - by anti-peecleaner (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I didn't get the promotion I interviewed for at work. A guy who's worked here for only two months did. My supervisor's reason: she doesn't think I'm going to amount to anything. I work at Home Depot to pay my way for college. FML

#21369624
64 comments

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

#20949324
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42732) - you deserved it (8541)

On 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by Where is the faith in Humanity - United States (Washington)

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

#21523316
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17052) - you deserved it (1695)

On 02/06/2016 at 6:42am - animals - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

#8388229
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28016) - you deserved it (2304)

On 02/17/2010 at 9:46pm - misc - by WTFsalad (woman) - United States (Arizona)

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