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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I realised my girlfriend is the perfect woman for most men. She only ever talks to me in the intermissions on Modern Warfare 2; shame it's not me playing. FML

#8614078
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24023) - you deserved it (5643)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:27pm - love - by sadf4x0r (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

#20831608
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23262) - you deserved it (60671)

On 08/11/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17277) - you deserved it (54959)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally found out what that weird smell in my apartment was. My ex-boyfriend had been breaking into my apartment and hiding rotting fruit all over the place. I found this out when a ceiling panel fell and a swarm of fruit flies attacked me. FML

#16424088
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34560) - you deserved it (3690)

On 05/30/2011 at 8:33pm - animals - by thiswouldonlyhappentome (woman) - Aruba

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

#1909780
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48941) - you deserved it (35307)

On 05/13/2009 at 6:20pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

#942012
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52151) - you deserved it (3268)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by fatface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

#20857254
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46616) - you deserved it (3484)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm - love - by the other man - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML

#18371495
114 comments

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

#14187537
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99342) - you deserved it (5417)

On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

#19271086
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24820) - you deserved it (3608)

On 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm - health - by PixieWrists - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, to save money, I bought some meat in bulk. When I got home, I was told that power to the neighborhood was out, and probably would be for days. Rather than let the meat rot, I barbecued it all and gave it away to my neighbors. The power came on while everyone was eating. FML

#17705192
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (3873)

On 09/09/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by SoCalStoopid (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

#5021178
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56218) - you deserved it (21750)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

#20011677
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6446) - you deserved it (46866)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found myself humming a Skrillex ditty all day. I'm beginning to wonder if I've had some sort of stroke. FML

#19497404
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13601) - you deserved it (5142)

On 04/19/2012 at 8:12pm - misc - by WTF? (man) - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

#20134676
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30710) - you deserved it (1757)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm - animals - by birthday girl (woman) - Australia

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