Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
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On 11/23/2008 at 3:22am - misc - by lectro - France (Ile-de-France)
Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML
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On 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by caramelkarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML
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On 08/03/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML
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On 06/30/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML
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On 07/21/2009 at 1:45pm - love - by sexychica (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
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On 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Shamu (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML
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On 12/23/2008 at 3:57am - health - by blabla - France (Ile-de-France)
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
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On 04/27/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by silentbutdeadly (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML
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On 10/21/2009 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML
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On 07/18/2009 at 4:15am - love - by Phoebe (woman) - Singapore
Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML
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On 10/24/2009 at 1:14pm - misc - by sexyswollen (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML
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On 09/23/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by Bubba (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML
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On 08/23/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Scared - United States (Washington)
Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML
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On 03/28/2009 at 12:40pm - misc - by alrightsheryl - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend. Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident. I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died. She cried through the entire movie. FML
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On 06/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by idiotfriend (woman) - United States (California)
