Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML
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On 05/01/2009 at 5:07pm - health - by jlover42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk towards his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking & asked my friend to grab my books. FML
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On 02/19/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
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On 10/07/2009 at 3:05am - work - by screwed (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML
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On 02/03/2010 at 8:48am - health - by Scaredshitless - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I said to the pool-boy of my house: “I know what you are doing and you have to stop it.” He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
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On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML
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On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML
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On 12/30/2009 at 2:07pm - love - by hatelife (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML
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On 05/05/2009 at 10:40pm - misc - by soldier (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML
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On 03/14/2009 at 5:46am - love - by knee2tak (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML
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On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - kids - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML
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On 06/02/2009 at 7:08am - kids - by fallsdownplenty45 (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML
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On 01/15/2009 at 11:00am - health - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)
Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML
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On 07/17/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Stranded (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after telling my girlfriend that I loved her, she dumped me claiming I was getting "too attached". I've already spent almost $400 on her Valentine's Day present. FML
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On 02/04/2010 at 2:31pm - love - by Dan1021 - Sent from a mobile version
