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Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17892) - you deserved it (49797)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, for the third day in a row, my 10-month-old is refusing to eat any of the meals that I prepare for him. He will however eat anything semi-edible lying on the floor, cat kibble included. FML

#20061876
124 comments

Today, my football team played in a game against our rival school that was just a few blocks away. We hadn't lost the game in exactly 49 years, we were playing for the 50th year win. We lost 63-0, and got booed off the field by our own crowd. FML

#5478797
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17888) - you deserved it (33186)

On 09/26/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Fmycar - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

#1248718
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17886) - you deserved it (226577)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

#8791627
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17885) - you deserved it (7144)

On 03/03/2010 at 1:10am - misc - by JoshuaRob - United States

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17885) - you deserved it (43452)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

#19835605
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17882) - you deserved it (3418)

On 06/23/2012 at 8:10pm - kids - by Gremlin (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17881) - you deserved it (139410)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17881) - you deserved it (41931)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

#5060
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17880) - you deserved it (6342)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:31pm - animals - by Noname - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

#228
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17872) - you deserved it (130806)

On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version

Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML

#8983847
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17870) - you deserved it (3699)

On 03/10/2010 at 9:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

#20424412
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17870) - you deserved it (20660)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)



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