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Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

#21449035
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23913) - you deserved it (1878)

On 07/29/2015 at 11:30am - money - by fukingtigans (man) - Croatia (Zadarska)

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

#18649632
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23909) - you deserved it (2886)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Ashton Sprunger - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23906) - you deserved it (6967)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while reading my girlfriends kid's a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

#21437640
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23907) - you deserved it (2080)

On 07/06/2015 at 10:21pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23903) - you deserved it (5944)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

#13185794
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23903) - you deserved it (7266)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML

#6872030
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23902) - you deserved it (3555)

On 12/21/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to visit my alcoholic father. He remembered to ask me how my dog Reggie is, but could not remember the name of "my pal." My "pal" is also my wife of four years. FML

#17674515
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23901) - you deserved it (2058)

On 09/05/2011 at 9:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

#17100769
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23897) - you deserved it (2246)

On 07/13/2011 at 11:15pm - health - by stephiew - United States (Georgia)

Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

#18782870
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23897) - you deserved it (2245)

On 01/12/2012 at 5:14am - work - by me_the_maniak - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

#19510185
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23897) - you deserved it (6091)

On 04/22/2012 at 8:09am - kids - by Mary Kathryn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

#20064293
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23896) - you deserved it (4512)

On 09/09/2012 at 4:34am - love - by JB (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

#7775610
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23895) - you deserved it (6794)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:45am - animals - by dontbadouche - Senegal



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