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Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

Today, in the middle of a localised drought, and an accompanying hosepipe ban, my mother has decided that she still needs to water her lawn. To balance out the water usage, she's placed a complete ban on the use of our shower until the weather lets up. FML

#19684423
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18399) - you deserved it (1370)

On 05/26/2012 at 4:41pm - misc - by gazza (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

#6656855
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18398) - you deserved it (4758)

On 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by niquey62307 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

#19306494
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18398) - you deserved it (2132)

On 03/19/2012 at 8:39am - misc - by fuuu. - Hong Kong

Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML

#13606061
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18395) - you deserved it (6409)

On 10/26/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by DriveMeNot (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

#8085634
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18395) - you deserved it (5907)

On 02/10/2010 at 10:08am - intimacy - by ryan - United States

Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML

#14866852
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18394) - you deserved it (26214)

On 02/06/2011 at 12:53pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

#5163461
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18393) - you deserved it (4847)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Loveless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

#19457431
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18393) - you deserved it (6295)

On 04/12/2012 at 7:53pm - misc - by questionmark707 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

#20093571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18392) - you deserved it (1320)

On 09/29/2012 at 12:32pm - health - by firebombtimEFUCKERS (man) - United States

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18393) - you deserved it (3591)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

#19218183
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18388) - you deserved it (5558)

On 03/05/2012 at 12:12am - health - by wtbfiber (man) - United States

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

#20659041
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18384) - you deserved it (67567)

On 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by forever alone - United Kingdom



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