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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

#8586594
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22909) - you deserved it (6810)

On 02/23/2010 at 11:48am - intimacy - by jasmine - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

#4495207
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22906) - you deserved it (52873)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

#19111360
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22905) - you deserved it (10285)

On 02/18/2012 at 11:03pm - love - by snowinggrey - United States

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

#13045584
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22905) - you deserved it (3041)

On 09/14/2010 at 4:31am - misc - by a7xforever (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

#13455982
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22904) - you deserved it (8754)

On 10/15/2010 at 4:33am - misc - by fmlforreal - Singapore

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

#19997037
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22904) - you deserved it (15688)

On 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

#19276070
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22903) - you deserved it (15011)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

#18369029
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22901) - you deserved it (2367)

On 11/27/2011 at 6:45pm - love - by angie429 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML

#19758610
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22898) - you deserved it (4224)

On 06/09/2012 at 1:54am - misc - by donnap (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

#18958302
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22896) - you deserved it (4342)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:22am - kids - by beautifulme (woman) - United States

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

#19528006
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22894) - you deserved it (1910)

On 04/25/2012 at 4:50pm - work - by A Henderson (man) - United States

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

#13645625
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22893) - you deserved it (39342)

On 10/30/2010 at 1:41am - love - by Samantha - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

#18898180
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22892) - you deserved it (3708)

On 01/24/2012 at 11:42am - work - by communistgirl (woman) - United States



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