Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

by notsuperstitious / 01/24/2013 at 11:37am / Finland / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML

by NOIDIDNOT / 11/19/2012 at 1:21am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2009 at 8:48pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

by curly_eyelashes / 02/24/2013 at 9:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML

by lovelife / 09/27/2010 at 9:09am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

by Shelby / 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML

by er1133 / 03/11/2010 at 7:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

by SoccerBabe42 / 12/26/2011 at 7:11am / Canada / Love

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

by Wolfrunner87 / 07/13/2015 at 1:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML

by Tag / 09/06/2015 at 8:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

by stargate25 / 07/23/2015 at 10:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my brother blew chunks into the inside of my jeans. How did I find this out? I put them on. FML

by AZN656 / 03/04/2010 at 6:24am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

by MoreActionThanMe / 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Animals