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Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

#17388195
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23496) - you deserved it (5651)

On 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm - misc - by lostforwords (woman) - Ireland (Tipperary)

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

#13889656
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23495) - you deserved it (3401)

On 11/18/2010 at 5:33pm - misc - by The Christmas Grinch - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

#20533106
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23495) - you deserved it (7439)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:44am - misc - by sales ham (man) - United States

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

#14339155
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (3910)

On 12/25/2010 at 9:29pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML

#19018819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (2739)

On 02/07/2012 at 3:39pm - misc - by Emily (woman) - United States

Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

#20035629
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (1754)

On 08/22/2012 at 12:57pm - misc - by ZAS (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML

#21387046
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23493) - you deserved it (2254)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08pm - health - by glocked and goaded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

#21410455
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23493) - you deserved it (3481)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:58am - misc - by Anon - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

#19986009
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23492) - you deserved it (2113)

On 07/26/2012 at 8:46pm - misc - by Carrie G. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

#7284485
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23491) - you deserved it (1866)

On 01/11/2010 at 7:28pm - misc - by hateskool888581 (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I finally felt well enough to take an actual shower after having surgery on my back. It took five minutes to stand up, ten minutes to get to the shower, and another ten minutes to get in. The pilot light went out in less than five minutes. FML

#14732721
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (2077)

On 01/27/2011 at 3:24pm - misc - by brrrr that's cold! - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

#14830455
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23483) - you deserved it (2710)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:59pm - misc - by theyreallydosmell -

Today, I saw a crash on the highway. The police weren't yet there, so I pulled over to help because I know CPR. No one needed CPR, but I had locked myself out of my car. My roadside assist won't come to highways, so I had to get towed away in front of everyone. FML

#13245639
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23482) - you deserved it (5852)

On 09/29/2010 at 3:08am - misc - by blonde (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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