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Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

#21245913
46 comments

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8323) - you deserved it (1404)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

#21245803
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8955) - you deserved it (501)

On 08/26/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, it's my fourth day of my trip to the USA. I've actually started keeping count of the number of times people get confused because I was born in South Africa and yet am not black. Current count: 9. FML

#21245756
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20764) - you deserved it (1716)

On 08/26/2014 at 12:22pm - misc - by WTF, guys? - United States (California)

Nederlander95's comment : I'm actually kind of surprised it's ONLY nine.

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Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

#21245733
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20875) - you deserved it (1812)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

AWiseChicken's comment : Bitch cray

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Today, I was fixing the plumbing at my father-in-law's house. I told him to shut off the water and yell to me when he did. A few minutes later, I heard a yell and removed the pipe. I was met with a face full of water. Turns out he was just very excited when the Rangers beat the Mariners. FML

#21245661
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22344) - you deserved it (2006)

On 08/26/2014 at 7:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

#21245620
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19553) - you deserved it (2232)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:48am - misc - by hellangelrose - France

Today, I had to go to a public restroom. I have anxiety problems and can't go unless I'm the only one in the room. Another girl came in right after me, and I was waiting for her to leave. She was also waiting. After a while, I left first and had to hold my pee for a few more hours. FML

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29936) - you deserved it (5737)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

senor_octubre's comment : Surprise!!!

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Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

#21245365
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22665) - you deserved it (2706)

On 08/25/2014 at 9:03pm - love - by byebyeromance (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That... That THING is not your father!" FML

#21245330
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24163) - you deserved it (1804)

On 08/25/2014 at 7:55pm - misc - by NotThePhantom - United States (California)

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

#21245163
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25599) - you deserved it (1982)

On 08/25/2014 at 4:14pm - misc - by fanaticalfuckspawn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

#21245120
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29147) - you deserved it (2512)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:58pm - misc - by nhyari (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)



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