Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got hit between the legs with a kayak. FML

#21347300
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (283) - you deserved it (23)

On 01/31/2015 at 1:22pm - misc - by UnidentfiedFun (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

#21347237
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (231) - you deserved it (119)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:13am - kids - by cooploops - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

#21347235
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5426) - you deserved it (403)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML

#21347212
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4862) - you deserved it (438)

On 01/31/2015 at 8:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

#21347104
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4895) - you deserved it (443)

On 01/31/2015 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9807) - you deserved it (2060)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

ItsAUnicorn's comment : You told him 'dirty'. Now only your definition of dirty has to match with his definition!

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Today, when making a delivery for the restaurant I work for, a customer shoved and yelled at me because she didn't get any fries with her order. She didn't order any, which isn't unusual, considering we're a Chinese takeaway and don't even sell them. FML

#21347009
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11029) - you deserved it (640)

On 01/30/2015 at 8:25pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9092) - you deserved it (2358)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my beloved dog. Why? Yesterday she asked me who I'd choose, and I honestly said that I would choose the dog. FML

#21346972
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12099) - you deserved it (6992)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:13pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

cocacola999's comment : Of course. The dog would never ask to choose in such an idiotic way.

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Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

#21346970
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6579) - you deserved it (12256)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:11pm - health - by not a cancerous pimple - United States (Pennsylvania)

TrippingOnAcid's comment : My diagnosis: Web MD induced hypochondria.

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Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

#21346952
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14649) - you deserved it (1593)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, a booklet came in the mail, addressed to me and titled "How To Train Your Wife". I didn't order it but my wife doesn't believe me. FML

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16971) - you deserved it (3163)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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