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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

#21217633
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1014) - you deserved it (3351)

On 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm - health - by dypshyyt - United States (Florida)

Today, after days of thinking about it, I finally decided to break it off with my girlfriend. As I was about to text her to meet up, she texts me a picture of her getting a tattoo of our anniversary date. FML

#21217592
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (206) - you deserved it (1515)

On 07/22/2014 at 6:28pm - love - by Kyzilla123 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

#21217564
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3929) - you deserved it (1149)

On 07/22/2014 at 5:55pm - work - by Infadel - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2327) - you deserved it (20383)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

ihaveasushicat's comment : I think it's time to have a really long talk with your daughter...

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Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

#21217252
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24575) - you deserved it (192)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by d4rkxf0x - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

#21217074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25555) - you deserved it (4160)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1922) - you deserved it (16429)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States

Welshite's comment : Start wearing masks. Batman is pretty awesome.

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Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

#21216856
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26661) - you deserved it (3302)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm - misc - by Oldhouse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML

#21216576
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26254) - you deserved it (3522)

On 07/21/2014 at 6:49pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML

#21216549
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2640) - you deserved it (200)

On 07/21/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

umerin's comment : Say the same thing to him when he visits you.

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Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

#21216504
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25900) - you deserved it (2059)

On 07/21/2014 at 5:15pm - work - by notpayedenoughforthisshit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

#21216427
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38663) - you deserved it (3596)

On 07/21/2014 at 3:31pm - love - by badluck - Canada (Alberta)



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