Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19439) - you deserved it (2317)
On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23938) - you deserved it (1954)
On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21159) - you deserved it (1156)
On 06/17/2013 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24619) - you deserved it (1208)
On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23398) - you deserved it (7303)
On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States
Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23205) - you deserved it (2923)
On 06/17/2013 at 8:46am - misc - by newyorkers - United States (New York)
Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28318) - you deserved it (5650)
On 06/17/2013 at 1:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21290) - you deserved it (2884)
On 06/17/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Idontbelieveinmagic (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25455) - you deserved it (3157)
On 06/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by cherbear1000 - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24601) - you deserved it (6995)
On 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by jhughes1997 (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24882) - you deserved it (1842)
On 06/16/2013 at 7:58pm - kids - by Married2handsome - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me after finding out that I reload my own shotgun shells and I shoot competitively. His reasoning? He didn't want to date a "cheap and dangerous woman." Seriously? FML
I agree, your life sucks (24067) - you deserved it (2748)
On 06/16/2013 at 7:48pm - love - by kiss98367 (woman) - United States
Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25537) - you deserved it (2114)
On 06/16/2013 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by scarredforlife - United States (New York)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
↑ teddy4nyy's comment : Quite possibly the creepiest FML I've ever read on this site.
See all the comments →