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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while with a large group of friends, my best friend started talking about my struggles with dating and intimacy. I quietly asked her to stop talking about it, as it was personal and I wasn't comfortable with everyone else knowing. Her response? "Um, it's really none of your business." FML

#21400049
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2028) - you deserved it (135)

On 04/26/2015 at 2:49pm - misc - by Need a new best friend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my fiancé threatened to break up with me if our dog couldn't be the best man at our wedding. FML

#21399911
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2341) - you deserved it (356)

On 04/26/2015 at 9:35am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

#21399867
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14949) - you deserved it (2134)

On 04/26/2015 at 6:05am - health - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

MrsHaxxo's comment : At least he is trying to protect his family.

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Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

#21399850
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14434) - you deserved it (1382)

On 04/26/2015 at 4:19am - love - by fuck you (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

nonsensical's comment : "Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

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Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

#21399833
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14491) - you deserved it (1042)

On 04/26/2015 at 3:09am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

#21399752
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17412) - you deserved it (4978)

On 04/26/2015 at 12:05am - intimacy - by montanadinosaur (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while out walking with my son in a stroller, a couple passed by and the girl smiled sweetly at him. It made me really happy, until we passed and I heard her say "What? You're supposed to smile at babies, even if they look weird." FML

#21399622
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17443) - you deserved it (1378)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Wizardo's comment : Don't take it to heart, most newborn babies look like potatoes to most people anyway.

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Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

#21399578
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18579) - you deserved it (2031)

On 04/25/2015 at 4:42pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML

#21399557
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23054) - you deserved it (1652)

On 04/25/2015 at 4:05pm - love - by RBergman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

#21399506
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18968) - you deserved it (1483)

On 04/25/2015 at 1:55pm - love - by wil - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

#21399489
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21091) - you deserved it (3181)

On 04/25/2015 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

#21399405
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19122) - you deserved it (1808)

On 04/25/2015 at 8:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

#21399378
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21608) - you deserved it (1708)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:34am - love - by a critically injured shitehawk (man) - United Kingdom (York)



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