Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. I went to whisper in her ear, when my body decided it would be funny to suddenly get hiccups. My hiccup burst her eardrum. FML

#21448262
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2946) - you deserved it (276)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:20pm - love - by Hicoops (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3314) - you deserved it (239)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13973) - you deserved it (1214)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13583) - you deserved it (1248)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

hussamhasi's comment : They will always find excuses .. My ex girlfriend broke up with me because marriage was going to be hard for us , we were 16 .. No sense

See all the comments →

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

#21448024
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15107) - you deserved it (1042)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Bricktothehead's comment : Well, it's a legitimate question?

See all the comments →

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

#21447950
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18286) - you deserved it (1196)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

NicoleP1993's comment : Run as fast as you can to the nearest bookstore and buy her something actually useful. Before your sister thinks parenting is supposed to come with a shitton of drama..

See all the comments →

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

#21447917
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17164) - you deserved it (3262)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15990) - you deserved it (3106)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, I found out why my girlfriend was so excited to get to see me. She finally got to end the relationship she didn't want anymore. FML

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

#21447771
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18417) - you deserved it (1037)

On 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm - money - by stonehengeva - United States (Virginia)

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

#21447742
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16916) - you deserved it (1638)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by wot02 (woman) - United States

Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML

#21447695
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14370) - you deserved it (8756)

On 07/26/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by blondebarbie271 - United States (New Hampshire)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: