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Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

#21417667
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (629) - you deserved it (760)

On 05/29/2015 at 4:15pm - health - by not a kiddy fiddler really (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

#21417642
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (970) - you deserved it (82)

On 05/29/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

#21417626
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1037) - you deserved it (65)

On 05/29/2015 at 2:28pm - love - by probably single (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

#21417560
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12714) - you deserved it (1514)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:05am - love - by GlueAndCarrots - Canada (Ontario)

tehman117's comment : Is she 3?

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Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

#21417547
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11580) - you deserved it (1743)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

kimblie's comment : he's not completely wrong, correct food and exercise actually can improve mental health!

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Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

#21417526
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18262) - you deserved it (4791)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:04am - love - by Headless (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Theglc20's comment : People suck.

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Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

#21417508
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15617) - you deserved it (2514)

On 05/29/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Great (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

#21417490
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13948) - you deserved it (3527)

On 05/29/2015 at 6:58am - misc - by sassy_girl144 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

#21417394
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17798) - you deserved it (3222)

On 05/29/2015 at 12:16am - misc - by idonthavereligion (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

#21417382
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18705) - you deserved it (1917)

On 05/28/2015 at 11:39pm - intimacy - by shmoooopie (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

#21417148
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21859) - you deserved it (3534)

On 05/28/2015 at 2:05pm - intimacy - by MarieAmber18 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

#21417141
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19405) - you deserved it (1914)

On 05/28/2015 at 1:41pm - money - by FFS - Cyprus (Limassol)



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