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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

#21437326
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1454) - you deserved it (145)

On 07/06/2015 at 11:14am - intimacy - by BrittUnicorn - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his the phone, rudely asked me what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told that we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

#21437185
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2243) - you deserved it (187)

On 07/06/2015 at 2:03am - work - by breadcrumb - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

#21437177
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2256) - you deserved it (188)

On 07/06/2015 at 1:30am - intimacy - by I'm_Not_Interested - United States (Nevada)

Today, I once again asked my girlfriend about getting married, as she had previously said she would only get married once gay marriage was legal. She still said no. FML

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

#21437094
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7106) - you deserved it (720)

On 07/05/2015 at 11:18pm - misc - by madisonnkelly - United States (Texas)

Steve95401's comment : At least your Dad is still interested in checking out your Mom's boobs after all these years.

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Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

#21437044
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6358) - you deserved it (549)

On 07/05/2015 at 9:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

#21436862
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7315) - you deserved it (2028)

On 07/05/2015 at 3:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months was showing me his new phone. He accidentally opened his gallery, which contains 3 photos: one of his motorcycle, one of his new game console, and a naked photo of his ex. FML

#21436861
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8036) - you deserved it (635)

On 07/05/2015 at 3:18pm - love - by wellthatsucks - United States

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

#21436783
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8813) - you deserved it (687)

On 07/05/2015 at 12:26pm - misc - by izaya - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

#21436769
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9779) - you deserved it (676)

On 07/05/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by getting real crafty.. - United States (Maine)

kitsy's comment : If you don't have Internet, how'd you go about posting this? Share your secrets. Now.

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Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

#21436683
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8587) - you deserved it (628)

On 07/05/2015 at 5:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

#21436632
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8781) - you deserved it (1035)

On 07/05/2015 at 2:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

#21436613
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17710) - you deserved it (1336)

On 07/05/2015 at 1:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

random2212's comment : Wow that's terrible. Hopefully you can explain.

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