Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7527) - you deserved it (520)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6991) - you deserved it (1214)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7266) - you deserved it (726)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

#21414242
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11070) - you deserved it (922)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:25pm - misc - by A - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11112) - you deserved it (1086)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

amberr_harperr's comment : Just imagine the pain it went through. Death by suffocation of boob.

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Today, my aunt, whom I live with, told me she is going to move out and demanded her half of the rent back, as she only spent two days a week there. When I told her that's not how rent works, she called my mom to tell her what a failure she had raised. Her own sons are unemployed drug addicts. FML

#21414120
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15399) - you deserved it (1006)

On 05/22/2015 at 6:14pm - money - by Failure (woman) - Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt)

shaaza's comment : Hopefully your mother knows that her sister is the actual failure.

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Today, my friends made a little game out of my OCD. They like to purposely poke one of my arms so I immediately poke the other one. They think it's hilarious and now do it constantly. FML

#21414073
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14066) - you deserved it (1902)

On 05/22/2015 at 4:11pm - misc - by danceinconverse - Canada (Ontario)

Attacksloth's comment : Make a game out of their game. Each time they do it to you, punch one of them in the face at random.

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Today, I walked into my boss' office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

#21414059
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16129) - you deserved it (2622)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm - work - by zheiraT - United States (Maine)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15710) - you deserved it (2385)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17848) - you deserved it (1217)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML

#21413990
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21556) - you deserved it (2637)

On 05/22/2015 at 12:27pm - intimacy - by Vexatious - United States (North Carolina)

Today, and for the past couple of days, my girlfriend's father has been trying to help me think of a way to propose. I decided to rehearse first, and that's how my girlfriend walked in on me "proposing" to her dad. FML

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

#21413979
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16779) - you deserved it (1985)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by xolaurennnn - United States



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