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Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
6 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142) - you deserved it (15)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to google the definition of transexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131) - you deserved it (286)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13511) - you deserved it (1417)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

goldenscorpion's comment : No one 'decides' to get diarrhea.

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Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9851) - you deserved it (11743)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20669) - you deserved it (4009)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21831) - you deserved it (1928)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

pam241's comment : I think I just threw up

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Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18888) - you deserved it (1720)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

#21282362
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20114) - you deserved it (1470)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

sinistral's comment : have you seen Matilda?

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Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

#21282066
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20128) - you deserved it (2187)

On 10/20/2014 at 10:29pm - love - by DanTheMan (man) -

Today, I came out as bisexual to my friends via group message. They didn't respond; I had a panic attack. An hour later, one of my friends texted back, "k". FML

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20506) - you deserved it (3164)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22995) - you deserved it (6651)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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