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Man or woman?

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

#21319039
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11127) - you deserved it (946)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:33am - misc - by seriously - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

#21318970
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10612) - you deserved it (852)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

#21318917
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11828) - you deserved it (3803) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/17/2014 at 12:29am - intimacy - by marie0908 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

#21318814
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13442) - you deserved it (1938)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:31pm - work - by thankssomuch - United States (Maine)

Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

#21318762
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15296) - you deserved it (1078)

On 12/16/2014 at 9:11pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15689) - you deserved it (3007)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

HereNReady's comment : You shall have your revenge...?

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Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13133) - you deserved it (16945)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

karaaa_xo's comment : Well that's one tenant that will never vacate the premises...

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Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16459) - you deserved it (3899)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

#21318538
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15772) - you deserved it (1510)

On 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

#21318499
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20393) - you deserved it (1439)

On 12/16/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by shit_fer_luck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

#21318466
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19608) - you deserved it (2139)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:01am - animals - by scars - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23743) - you deserved it (4397)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Welshite's comment : Well...fork.

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