Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I walked into my boss' office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

#21414059
5 comments

I agree, your life sucks (267) - you deserved it (38)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm - work - by zheiraT - United States (Maine)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (268) - you deserved it (26)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (313) - you deserved it (13)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML

#21413990
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12712) - you deserved it (1421)

On 05/22/2015 at 12:27pm - intimacy - by Vexatious - United States (North Carolina)

Roxas_hearts's comment : About 9 months and it'll be your first experience with a baby.

See all the comments →

Today, and for the past couple of days, my girlfriend's father has been trying to help me think of a way to propose. I decided to rehearse first, and that's how my girlfriend walked in on me "proposing" to her dad. FML

#21413982
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12000) - you deserved it (1108)

On 05/22/2015 at 12:08pm - love - by SuchaDisapointment - United States

Steph_mmarie's comment : That sucks, but that's so nice of your girlfriend's father to help you out like that :D

See all the comments →

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

#21413979
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10009) - you deserved it (1126)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by xolaurennnn - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17836) - you deserved it (1614)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

dudeguybruh's comment : She wanted to be breast friends with you

See all the comments →

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

#21413953
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14134) - you deserved it (1151)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:02am - work - by grossedout (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML

#21413860
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10692) - you deserved it (12222)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:36am - health - by missko519 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17685) - you deserved it (1949)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

#21413767
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15930) - you deserved it (1187)

On 05/21/2015 at 10:22pm - misc - by anon - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

#21413750
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18894) - you deserved it (1300)

On 05/21/2015 at 9:55pm - money - by FrickingBusDrivers (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

#21413610
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23546) - you deserved it (2115)

On 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: