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Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12200) - you deserved it (1223)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

goldenscorpion's comment : No one 'decides' to get diarrhea.

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Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9120) - you deserved it (10294)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19836) - you deserved it (3830)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20985) - you deserved it (1869)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18180) - you deserved it (1665)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

#21282362
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19343) - you deserved it (1421)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

sinistral's comment : have you seen Matilda?

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Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

#21282066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19477) - you deserved it (2118)

On 10/20/2014 at 10:29pm - love - by DanTheMan (man) -

Today, I came out as bisexual to my friends via group message. They didn't respond; I had a panic attack. An hour later, one of my friends texted back, "k". FML

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19949) - you deserved it (3084)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22345) - you deserved it (6471)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

WhackTheJackal's comment : Oh god, hope she looked away when you finished. FYL

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Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21244) - you deserved it (1476)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)



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