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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8697) - you deserved it (704)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12632) - you deserved it (1485)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

#21247514
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14715) - you deserved it (2763)

On 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

#21247445
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14293) - you deserved it (1787)

On 08/28/2014 at 9:47pm - love - by ch4nny (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

#21247337
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21080) - you deserved it (1307)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:39pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19503) - you deserved it (1500)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19542) - you deserved it (1380)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

#21246995
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23948) - you deserved it (1794)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:31am - work - by newswithabitofbite (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29886) - you deserved it (3398)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

hellraisedfire's comment : wow. to reject sex because someone doesn't speak Klingon... that's some deep loyalty.

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Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

#21246787
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26337) - you deserved it (2158)

On 08/27/2014 at 10:33pm - kids - by That idiot - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26131) - you deserved it (4749)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

hornytoad13's comment : He was just trying to get out of the mans best friendzone

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Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

#21246638
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14013) - you deserved it (30509)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm - misc - by Woops (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

flashback's comment : You sound insane

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Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27779) - you deserved it (2395)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)



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