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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

#21462179
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (679) - you deserved it (49)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm - love - by babypenguin00 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

#21462173
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1016) - you deserved it (104)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

#21462126
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1282) - you deserved it (103)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:13pm - work - by thegrandchawhee - United States (Washington)

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

#21462123
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1285) - you deserved it (98)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

#21462073
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12563) - you deserved it (1589)

On 08/29/2015 at 10:06am - misc - by Lord Buttfuck IV (man) - France

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

#21462064
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10774) - you deserved it (764)

On 08/29/2015 at 9:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

#21462044
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12982) - you deserved it (803)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

KeannaLove's comment : I will never understand how people can take suicide so lightly. She sounds like an awful person all around. You're better off OP.

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Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

#21462016
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16354) - you deserved it (1099)

On 08/29/2015 at 4:50am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

dezman2000's comment : You should follow this FML up in a couple of weeks, just so we know that you didn't follow in your doctor's footsteps.

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Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

#21461958
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8379) - you deserved it (11960)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by mumfordandsonimdisappointed - United States

Crucio's comment : Is that a euphemism for 'excessive masturbation'?

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Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

#21461945
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16508) - you deserved it (927)

On 08/29/2015 at 12:29am - misc - by tkoester - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

#21461787
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14386) - you deserved it (2574)

On 08/28/2015 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by still laughing (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

#21461761
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18049) - you deserved it (1382)

On 08/28/2015 at 4:05pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Friuli-Venezia Giulia)

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

#21461710
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13073) - you deserved it (2270)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)



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