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Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

#21450797
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3105) - you deserved it (225)

On 08/02/2015 at 9:32am - work - by FUCKFACECUNT (man) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)

Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

#21450786
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2787) - you deserved it (251)

On 08/02/2015 at 7:39am - kids - by Wlanla (man) - Romania (Bacau)

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

#21450770
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2660) - you deserved it (261)

On 08/02/2015 at 5:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8971) - you deserved it (898)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a cute girl. I asked her name, to which I replied with mine and that it was nice to meet her. She followed up with a dirty look and the fact she hates anyone with my name. FML

jakers8424's comment : Is your name Hitler?

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Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

#21450491
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12094) - you deserved it (1287)

On 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm - animals - by Wow (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suit case in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

#21450453
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14184) - you deserved it (884)

On 08/01/2015 at 1:17pm - misc - by Son of a Bitch - United States

Baustigt's comment : Get a roof rack for when you go on your next road trip. Then you can strap your mother to it so there's room in the front seat for your suitcase.

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Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

#21450445
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11033) - you deserved it (3358)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Hellasboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

hobbs96's comment : I also drive slow like that when people are aggressive drivers.

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Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14558) - you deserved it (3299)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic had to fight to pin down some total scum-sucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

#21450305
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14023) - you deserved it (1469)

On 08/01/2015 at 2:18am - work - by hook me up with some smack, Jack (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

#21450259
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18754) - you deserved it (1789)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

#21450246
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15966) - you deserved it (1159)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

#21450242
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19380) - you deserved it (1256)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm - kids - by Oihana - United States (North Carolina)



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