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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6292) - you deserved it (755)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to a amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5800) - you deserved it (595)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9276) - you deserved it (1323)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Yazoo77's comment : Well, somehow she would have known. Rather now, than crashing the wedding.

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Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7838) - you deserved it (588)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. I went to whisper in her ear, when my body decided it would be funny to suddenly get hiccups. My hiccup burst her eardrum. FML

#21448262
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9861) - you deserved it (870)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:20pm - love - by Hicoops (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10826) - you deserved it (827)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

PharmacyJoe's comment : Have you explained to her that testicles and tubes of toothpaste do not, in fact, work in the same manner?

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Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16680) - you deserved it (1509)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Fuaaad1994's comment : Throwing house parties sounds like so much fun, bunch of people trashing your house and you cleaning up after them...

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Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16240) - you deserved it (1554)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

#21448024
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17605) - you deserved it (1249)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

#21447950
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19986) - you deserved it (1341)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

#21447917
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18679) - you deserved it (3572)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17316) - you deserved it (3356)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States



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