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Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

#21399867
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (196) - you deserved it (19)

On 04/26/2015 at 6:05am - health - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

#21399850
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (191) - you deserved it (16)

On 04/26/2015 at 4:19am - love - by fuck you (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

#21399833
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (188) - you deserved it (13)

On 04/26/2015 at 3:09am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl on the video looked like my ex. FML

#21399752
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10022) - you deserved it (2842)

On 04/26/2015 at 12:05am - intimacy - by montanadinosaur (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while out walking with my son in a stroller, a couple passed by and the girl smiled sweetly at him. It made me really happy, until we passed and I heard her say "What? You're supposed to smile at babies, even if they look weird." FML

#21399622
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10177) - you deserved it (803)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Wizardo's comment : Don't take it to heart, most newborn babies look like potatoes to most people anyway.

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Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

#21399578
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12246) - you deserved it (1307)

On 04/25/2015 at 4:42pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML

#21399557
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15024) - you deserved it (1035)

On 04/25/2015 at 4:05pm - love - by RBergman - United States (Wyoming)

princesspeachxox's comment : Not only did you dodge a bullet but you got to arrest the cheating bastard yourself :)

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

#21399506
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13672) - you deserved it (1016)

On 04/25/2015 at 1:55pm - love - by wil - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

#21399489
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15070) - you deserved it (2203)

On 04/25/2015 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

KK3137's comment : So I guess you both came in the wrong place at the wrong time..

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Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

#21399405
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14861) - you deserved it (1357)

On 04/25/2015 at 8:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

#21399378
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17538) - you deserved it (1372)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:34am - love - by a critically injured shitehawk (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

#21399347
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19555) - you deserved it (1117)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

#21399342
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19154) - you deserved it (2872)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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