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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

#21395407
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2728) - you deserved it (282)

On 04/17/2015 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by dontsqueezemepls - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML

#21395325
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6859) - you deserved it (509)

On 04/17/2015 at 5:47pm - health - by rachlette (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6886) - you deserved it (827)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

#21395274
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6722) - you deserved it (383)

On 04/17/2015 at 3:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina

Today, my husband accidentally erased some pictures from our hard drive. No worries, nothing major: just everything from our wedding and the birth of our first child. FML

#21395232
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18096) - you deserved it (1846)

On 04/17/2015 at 2:15pm - misc - by testom - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

JD26803's comment : Should always have a back up OP! Bad luck though.

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Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

#21395180
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15693) - you deserved it (2008)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:50am - money - by jamongrande - United States (California)

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

#21395171
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14521) - you deserved it (2523)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:27am - health - by Mitchellbassists (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got banned from my favourite online video game for calling a person on my team a "Baked Potato". FML

RogueThirteen's comment : I feel like there is more to this story

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Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

#21395050
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19390) - you deserved it (1613)

On 04/17/2015 at 2:24am - love - by apparently_disabled - Canada (British Columbia)

listner1's comment : Play along and punch them. Since you are retarded and can't control your actions

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Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

#21395025
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20410) - you deserved it (1352)

On 04/17/2015 at 12:56am - health - by Camera - United States (California)

Today, I received a terrible grade for an essay I worked really hard on. I had two friends, one being an English major, check it over. However, apparently I "clearly didn't use spellcheck" on this essay just like the last one I submitted to her. FML

#21394988
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17316) - you deserved it (3736)

On 04/16/2015 at 11:34pm - work - by shaifox96 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my 2 year old to the potty in a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

#21394708
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23334) - you deserved it (1905)

On 04/16/2015 at 2:36pm - kids - by klutz44 - United States (Illinois)



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