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Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

#21461585
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5257) - you deserved it (672)

On 08/28/2015 at 2:13am - health - by unsuckable (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I washed all the dishes and cups from the family dinner last night and put them away. When my wife saw, she had a mini OCD breakdown and yelled at me because the cups weren't lined up with each other with the handles aligned and the flower pictures facing out left. FML

#21461576
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5108) - you deserved it (616)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

#21461568
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5779) - you deserved it (458)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

#21461561
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9154) - you deserved it (1447)

On 08/28/2015 at 12:40am - misc - by morethanablondemoment - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

#21461377
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8341) - you deserved it (522)

On 08/27/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by PositiveElectron - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that the medicine I've been taking for my headaches is responsible for my headaches getting even worse. FML

#21461347
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11018) - you deserved it (834)

On 08/27/2015 at 1:50pm - health - by des - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

#21461344
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4912) - you deserved it (14809)

On 08/27/2015 at 1:44pm - love - by O0hdear - United States (Texas)

Skoff's comment : This is why you should not drink excessively, especially in front of people you are trying to impress. You can't control your drinking behaviour but you can control you drinking. Poor fiance, and poor people who had an idiot at their wedding.

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Today, at work, I served a customer who looked so much like my grandma that I thought it actually was her. Then I remembered she died 6 months ago. I had to serve customers with a smile on my face while choking back tears for the rest of the day. FML

#21461323
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14145) - you deserved it (1021)

On 08/27/2015 at 12:34pm - work - by myanmarkaviar (woman) - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

#21461322
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12596) - you deserved it (801)

On 08/27/2015 at 12:34pm - misc - by lefthandspanker (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML

#21461314
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11805) - you deserved it (887)

On 08/27/2015 at 12:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Sjelland)

Today, on my daughter's 9th birthday, I have to let her know that her dog died in his sleep overnight. Happy birthday. FML

StormfrontX33's comment : Death is always unexpected, so please take your time explaining. No matter what age, death is hard for us all. Even losing my fiancée not long ago, I break down and still am trying to hold on. Our support network makes all of the difference in the world. We don't have to bear through life alone. Just be there. That's all anyone can do or ask for. RIP Joy.

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Today, my bitch of a sister broke my new phone, which took me months of work to earn. Her excuse? If I didn't want her to break it, I shouldn't have let her use it. FML

#21461274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16288) - you deserved it (1406)

On 08/27/2015 at 8:43am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bexley)

losesitall's comment : Family. You can't pick um

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