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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

#21399378
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2343) - you deserved it (185)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:34am - love - by a critically injured shitehawk (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was chilling out at the side of an indoor pool. I zoned out, only to be snapped back to reality by a kid screaming at the small cloud of blood forming in the water around my crotch. Great timing. FML

#21399366
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2282) - you deserved it (228)

On 04/25/2015 at 5:26am - health - by jt (woman) - Australia

Today my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

#21399347
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2482) - you deserved it (143)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

#21399342
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10795) - you deserved it (1565)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML

#21399271
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9664) - you deserved it (7459)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:23pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

BlueXephos's comment : 1) Depending on how old she is, just take the money back. 2) If there isn't a big difference in age, take one of her dresses or shoes, and hide it till she gives the money back. 3) After completing step 1 or 2, enjoy your house :D

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Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

#21399187
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15544) - you deserved it (1244)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:58pm - misc - by Caroline1812 (woman) - United States (Utah)

KuronoEru's comment : I have a feeling it might be one of your class mate who hasn't done their own homework..

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Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

#21399154
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12486) - you deserved it (4122)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:38pm - misc - by ohpants - Ireland (Cork)

annarcheer's comment : That's when you put the tea and laptop down and slowly pull your pants back up.

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Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

#21399141
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16851) - you deserved it (1891)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:04pm - kids - by anonymousyo - United States (California)

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

#21399135
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15219) - you deserved it (1840)

On 04/24/2015 at 5:46pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

#21399079
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (1407)

On 04/24/2015 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Laois)

Today, my boss' incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

#21399022
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18373) - you deserved it (1112)

On 04/24/2015 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

#21399007
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13568) - you deserved it (7223)

On 04/24/2015 at 1:09pm - misc - by Kira (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

#21398988
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19840) - you deserved it (3871)

On 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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