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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that a teenage coworker of mine earns two dollars more an hour than me, which wouldn't really be that bad if I hadn't been working there for three years and had recently received a pay raise. FML

#21450088
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (399) - you deserved it (35)

On 07/31/2015 at 3:33pm - work - by LetsNotForget -

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

#21450074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (381) - you deserved it (36)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

#21450062
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (391) - you deserved it (29)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6666) - you deserved it (9018)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

sarah5745's comment : Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?

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Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9916) - you deserved it (1711)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

wheresmymary's comment : Maybe you should have your wife explain her side of the story to them

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Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

#21449663
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10430) - you deserved it (755)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

#21449647
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12707) - you deserved it (875)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:35pm - kids - by Lonely School Kid - Canada

xorenae's comment : Remember that when you're picking out their nursing home.

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Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

#21449629
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11571) - you deserved it (898)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:04pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

#21449623
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11393) - you deserved it (802)

On 07/30/2015 at 5:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

#21449578
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14086) - you deserved it (1069)

On 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was detained for trying to "illegally enter" my house, all because my parents forgot to tell me they were being evicted. FML

#21449546
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18037) - you deserved it (1009)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:38pm - misc - by College_Grad (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

#21449535
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16157) - you deserved it (1449)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:22pm - kids - by GidleyWife (woman) - United States (California)



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