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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML

#21395896
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8921) - you deserved it (785)

On 04/18/2015 at 9:03pm - love - by socialix - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

#21395867
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10761) - you deserved it (1014)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

#21395798
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9593) - you deserved it (1447)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm - animals - by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

#21395729
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13828) - you deserved it (5031)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

#21395685
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12061) - you deserved it (13739)

On 04/18/2015 at 10:38am - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Welshite's comment : Wrap yourself in Christmas paper and sit outside her porch. It's a flawless plan. Bonus points if you are wearing a Santa Claus suit.

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Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21787) - you deserved it (2783)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

gunnerblaster's comment : Crazy stuff but wtf are you doing, reading other people's journals?

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Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

#21395531
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18049) - you deserved it (1533)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by assault and imnotracistbuttery (man) - United States (Texas)

Cortezthe1st's comment : Punch him in the nose to teach him a lesson. You can also drop him off in the middle of Compton if you don't want your hands dirty.

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Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

#21395495
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20459) - you deserved it (1341)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm - health - by khaoslife - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my fiancé freaked when he noticed the tattoo on my wrist, and demanded to know when I got it. It was two years before we even started dating. FML

#21395494
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18755) - you deserved it (1444)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:12pm - love - by pandapantsMD (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML

#21395325
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21291) - you deserved it (1675)

On 04/17/2015 at 5:47pm - health - by rachlette (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20650) - you deserved it (2455)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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