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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

#21217897
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4234) - you deserved it (509)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:09am - love - by swiggityswooty - United States (California)

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

#21217892
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7339) - you deserved it (67)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:04am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6337) - you deserved it (2155)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

#21217678
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8823) - you deserved it (68)

On 07/22/2014 at 8:51pm - work - by Inthedumps (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

#21217675
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9116) - you deserved it (705)

On 07/22/2014 at 8:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

#21217633
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5883) - you deserved it (15509)

On 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm - health - by dypshyyt - United States (Florida)

Today, after days of thinking about it, I finally decided to break it off with my girlfriend. As I was about to text her to meet up, she texts me a picture of her getting a tattoo of our anniversary date. FML

#21217592
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (833) - you deserved it (7974)

On 07/22/2014 at 6:28pm - love - by Kyzilla123 - United States (Michigan)

lex1459's comment : Wow, sorry OP. But honestly, don't let that force you to stay in an unhappy relationship, you don't need that in your life.

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Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

#21217564
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11389) - you deserved it (3471)

On 07/22/2014 at 5:55pm - work - by Infadel - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2831) - you deserved it (25018)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

ihaveasushicat's comment : I think it's time to have a really long talk with your daughter...

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Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

#21217252
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28226) - you deserved it (212)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by d4rkxf0x - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

#21217074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27647) - you deserved it (4519)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2033) - you deserved it (17668)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States

Welshite's comment : Start wearing masks. Batman is pretty awesome.

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Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

#21216856
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28481) - you deserved it (3532)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm - misc - by Oldhouse (man) - United States (California)



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