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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

#21463092
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (551) - you deserved it (108)

On 08/31/2015 at 6:50pm - kids - by laurencoc - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML

#21463070
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (533) - you deserved it (43)

On 08/31/2015 at 5:46pm - kids - by AM (woman) -

Today, I thought I'd locked my house keys in my locker at work. Not having any replacement nearby, I decided to cut the padlock with the saw of my pocket-knife. It took 20 minutes and four cuts into my hand to destroy the padlock. It took another five seconds to find the missing key in my jacket. FML

#21463029
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (519) - you deserved it (963)

On 08/31/2015 at 4:01pm - misc - by Lockout (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

#21462982
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11916) - you deserved it (845)

On 08/31/2015 at 1:17pm - health - by Rakib (man) - Canada (Ontario)

cutycat136's comment : I don't think it should matter if you did anything at all of not. You put off something you were going to do to go spend time with your aunt instead. That seems like a pretty good thing all on its own doesn't it?

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Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

#21462968
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11939) - you deserved it (998)

On 08/31/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by NoFunForMe - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

confusedAsFuck's comment : Signs, signs everywhere..

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Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

#21462923
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15624) - you deserved it (1101)

On 08/31/2015 at 9:16am - intimacy - by FuckThis (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

petethelovehorn's comment : Tell her you hope she chokes on it

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Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

#21462817
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17306) - you deserved it (1044)

On 08/31/2015 at 12:50am - work - by bgierczak2 - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock next time. I'd agree with him, if he hadn't been standing in the middle of the hallway in our very open living room. FML

#21462782
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15162) - you deserved it (968)

On 08/30/2015 at 11:27pm - misc - by Eminnis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

#21462597
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15385) - you deserved it (1224)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:44pm - animals - by anon - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

#21462595
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15739) - you deserved it (1330)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by FranchezDeVista (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I watered a dying communal plant. I was fined $250 for littering. FML

#21462582
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15403) - you deserved it (1095)

On 08/30/2015 at 1:46pm - misc - by Waterer - United States (California)

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

#21462545
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23202) - you deserved it (1758)

On 08/30/2015 at 11:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I realized I could make more money being on welfare than I can at my current job. FML



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