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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

#21248639
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (286) - you deserved it (88)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

#21248448
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10845) - you deserved it (1868)

On 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm - misc - by liilii (man) - India (Kerala)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11556) - you deserved it (876)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22368) - you deserved it (4862)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Lars93's comment : Yaaay cats :D

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Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

#21248318
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (1634)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)

LegalLoitering's comment : You poor Bastard

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Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

#21248283
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25903) - you deserved it (2497)

On 08/30/2014 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

immortalhmars's comment : How nice of her to not stop you before then

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Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21560) - you deserved it (4979)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

#21247999
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23870) - you deserved it (2671)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:22pm - kids - by Quincy_Ethan - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a job. My parents have decided it's now a better idea to take money from my paycheck instead of grounding me. FML

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

#21247953
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26708) - you deserved it (3467)

On 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by SCARRED (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26032) - you deserved it (1582)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30295) - you deserved it (1908)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

#21247836
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26110) - you deserved it (6774)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Slough)



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