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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4996) - you deserved it (358)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

#21346678
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5827) - you deserved it (916)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:00am - misc - by goodbyediet (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

#21346676
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6232) - you deserved it (429)

On 01/30/2015 at 5:51am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

#21346656
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5804) - you deserved it (474)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:00am - love - by wtf - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was excited that my sister called me for the first time in months. She asked me to stop watching "Friends" so she could use the Netflix account. Now, I still have an absentee sister and no Friends. FML

#21346655
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7515) - you deserved it (778)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

#21346560
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7253) - you deserved it (719)

On 01/29/2015 at 11:53pm - work - by Eyalsh (man) - Germany (Mecklenburg-Vorpommern)

Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She proceeded to chat with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

#21346487
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8822) - you deserved it (637)

On 01/29/2015 at 9:50pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I looked out my window to see my neighbor politely shovelling people's driveways. He skipped ours. Why? He likes our daughter but she doesn't like him back. FML

#21346462
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9372) - you deserved it (1435)

On 01/29/2015 at 9:06pm - love - by EnderHorse - United States (Ohio)

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

#21346352
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9826) - you deserved it (855)

On 01/29/2015 at 6:32pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10728) - you deserved it (5260)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Bookworm257's comment : Since it was a one night stand, maybe you can calmly slip out, unlike your fart.

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Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

#21346273
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10849) - you deserved it (772)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:00pm - health - by ThatWasntFun - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

#21346230
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16096) - you deserved it (1874)

On 01/29/2015 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Welshite's comment : Now he can say with all honesty "like mother like daughter."

See all the comments →

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

#21346205
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14924) - you deserved it (1374)

On 01/29/2015 at 1:32pm - health - by anon - United States (New Mexico)



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