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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

#21243572
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (869) - you deserved it (87)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by confidence taken - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (419) - you deserved it (970)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

#21243243
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9638) - you deserved it (717)

On 08/22/2014 at 4:26pm - misc - by leastitwasntsurpriseanal (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

#21243189
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6422) - you deserved it (9513)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

#21243162
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9912) - you deserved it (1536)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by lonely loser (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML

#21243125
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20172) - you deserved it (1237)

On 08/22/2014 at 12:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9266) - you deserved it (21429)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

OysterPearls's comment : You should feel like an asshole, are you in sixth grade? I didn't know then"kick me" gag was still existent.

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Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

#21243040
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24473) - you deserved it (1647)

On 08/22/2014 at 9:14am - work - by Beeky (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

#21243022
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24141) - you deserved it (2682)

On 08/22/2014 at 8:05am - work - by haileelouxxx (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Dreamsorrow93's comment : Least it wasn't human. I'm sure that would have been more awkward.

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Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a random girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

#21242918
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29836) - you deserved it (1991)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:02am - love - by lolatmylife - United States

alaen23's comment : Well you should accidentally break up with him

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Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML

#21242846
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26250) - you deserved it (1625)

On 08/22/2014 at 12:09am - misc - by up to no-good... - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

#21242835
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26253) - you deserved it (3632)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:53pm - love - by flyakite - United States

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

#21242612
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22068) - you deserved it (2018)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by ReluctantAntEater (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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