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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

#21369082
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2828) - you deserved it (6519)

On 03/06/2015 at 1:18am - health - by UncleMonkey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13387) - you deserved it (5440)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Vintage_Cola's comment : Your mother is fucking awesome XD

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Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

#21368890
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13392) - you deserved it (1071)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:38pm - love - by Not Homeless - United States (New Jersey)

Emmamazing's comment : That sucks, OP. You have the sympathy from both me and the old man looking over my shoulder at my phone.

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Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

#21368886
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13855) - you deserved it (934)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

tishtashbat's comment : I cannot believe some people make their bodily functions so gross for other people to deal with. why on earth anyone would leave that in their underwear for someone else to deal with is beyond me. it takes seconds to wrap it in tissue and put it in the bin!

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Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12713) - you deserved it (2595)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, during a meal out with my team and bosses, I wasn't drinking. The waiter complained, "If you're not ordering alcohol, how am I supposed to take advantage of you later?" I'm not sure what's worse, the rapey pre-dinner joke or the awkward silence as my colleagues looked on. FML

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

#21368822
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11130) - you deserved it (1116)

On 03/05/2015 at 6:34pm - health - by bushwhacker (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

#21368771
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10564) - you deserved it (911)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm - misc - by Why? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand the man due to his incoherent mumbling. I had to decline the job after asking him to repeat everything he said, over and over again. I still don't know exactly which job I declined. FML

#21368765
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10820) - you deserved it (898)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:26pm - work - by phishy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

#21368646
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (1552)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by cheshirealyce (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

#21368636
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18642) - you deserved it (1436)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:10pm - work - by Completely Innocent - United States

Today, during a family game of "Cards Against Humanity," I had to explain to my mom what queefing is. FML

Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML

#21368562
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10496) - you deserved it (31450)

On 03/05/2015 at 9:32am - misc - by jlol - United States



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