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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

#21403442
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4488) - you deserved it (448)

On 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by gross - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my little sister said I was drinking my juice in a very annoying way and decided to slap me across the face with a raw chicken to shut me up. FML

#21403404
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4203) - you deserved it (653)

On 05/02/2015 at 1:27pm - misc - by tupe - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7167) - you deserved it (469)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML

#21403375
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6810) - you deserved it (948)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:36pm - misc - by imtheshit - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML

#21403358
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10915) - you deserved it (849)

On 05/02/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

#21403333
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9891) - you deserved it (2495)

On 05/02/2015 at 10:23am - intimacy - by wellfuck (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

#21403286
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11558) - you deserved it (907)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Xobubblyxo's comment : Nice to see "shit you not" has survived

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Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

#21403264
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15978) - you deserved it (1444)

On 05/02/2015 at 4:04am - work - by tumblrinas_at_work (woman) - United States (California)

Exaspera's comment : Your co-worker needs a remedial English class.

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Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17606) - you deserved it (1812)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

heirofhope's comment : Then she's NOT the girl of your dreams. Nobody does great on their first time, OP, and even if it wasn't your first time, her being rude and unkind about it automatically makes her not worth your time.

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Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

#21403099
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19514) - you deserved it (1336)

On 05/01/2015 at 8:33pm - health - by I'm just sick, really - United States (Missouri)

Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

#21403055
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21646) - you deserved it (1875)

On 05/01/2015 at 6:57pm - misc - by wtf - United States (Indiana)

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

#21403035
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13098) - you deserved it (15454)

On 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm - work - by RavingLunatic (man) - United States (Arizona)



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