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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went deep-sea fishing with my friends. I told them my new phone case is waterproof, and I showed them by pouring a bit of water on it. My friend decided to throw it in the water for a better example. The case didn't float. FML

#21258099
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9122) - you deserved it (1375)

On 09/14/2014 at 2:47pm - misc - by HiImAlfredo (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6206) - you deserved it (5054)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

#21258006
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13139) - you deserved it (2474)

On 09/14/2014 at 11:32am - love - by jgboy - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

#21257985
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10793) - you deserved it (1385)

On 09/14/2014 at 10:35am - kids - by Lost hope - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

#21257946
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19113) - you deserved it (1144)

On 09/14/2014 at 8:53am - love - by NoConfusion (man) - United States (California)

BadApple88's comment : I hate ungrateful people. She's lucky she got a gift in the first place

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Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

#21257810
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18190) - you deserved it (1639)

On 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm - animals - by new dog - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28125) - you deserved it (2974)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

bsmallz3's comment : well at least you have a nice ass

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Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

#21257414
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24991) - you deserved it (2241)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:36am - misc - by Jamestown of Vagina (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend texted me saying, "I have some Durex and want your help" so I rushed to her house. She had meant to say "Duluxe". I had to help her paint her bedroom. FML

#21257403
71 comments

GoldFishPony's comment : Well you shouldn't only want to see her for sex

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Today, I'm precisely one month away from graduating with a degree in translation for the sole purpose of becoming a state-authorised translator. Today, I also discovered that my government has just decided to abandon the concept of authorisation for translators. FML

#21257358
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26431) - you deserved it (1957)

On 09/13/2014 at 7:03am - work - by stupidgov (woman) - Italy

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

#21257305
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26949) - you deserved it (2226)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

#21257293
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24089) - you deserved it (11055)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:29am - misc - by Nat - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27523) - you deserved it (6406)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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Thursday 11 September 2014

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