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Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML

#21438009
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5162) - you deserved it (454)

On 07/07/2015 at 3:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend freaked out at me because he found a couple of orange hairs in my bed and he knows my ex is a redhead. He also knows I have two orange cats. FML

#21437983
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4815) - you deserved it (456)

On 07/07/2015 at 2:19pm - love - by innocent cat lady - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

#21437872
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4760) - you deserved it (316)

On 07/07/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by No-Sleep Nellie - United States (Iowa)

Today, a very intoxicated man came in to my workplace and bought 50 dollars worth of yogurt, talked about the fact that he shouldn't have to wear pants in public, then threw up all over the register. FML

#21437758
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12956) - you deserved it (799)

On 07/07/2015 at 2:00am - work - by SiaJoy - United States (Maine)

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

#21437701
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14900) - you deserved it (1303)

On 07/06/2015 at 11:59pm - kids - by BlazefireSaber (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Cads1's comment : Did you answer with "with my unbroken fist"?

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Today, after my boss has gotten in the habit of calling me "bubble wrap girl" at work because I'm clumsy and he claims I need to be covered in bubble wrap for my own protection, I have just probably broken two toes by dropping a hairdryer on my foot. I will never hear the end of this. FML

#21437676
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12343) - you deserved it (2324)

On 07/06/2015 at 11:21pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, while reading my girlfriends kid's a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

#21437640
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13317) - you deserved it (1145)

On 07/06/2015 at 10:21pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

#21437546
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13005) - you deserved it (3185)

On 07/06/2015 at 7:02pm - love - by 12yearsoldapparently (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML

#21437540
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12926) - you deserved it (1075)

On 07/06/2015 at 6:51pm - health - by sydmarie98 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

#21437526
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13827) - you deserved it (951)

On 07/06/2015 at 6:26pm - health - by feelthesting - Mexico (Aguascalientes)

Today, I was working customer service at a large grocery store. I recently got a small, tasteful septum piercing that is barely visible. As I greeted a customer, she began to gag, held out her hand as though she was fending me off, and said, "I can't. Your nose ring makes me sick." FML

#21437504
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13082) - you deserved it (5526)

On 07/06/2015 at 5:37pm - work - by a_dani365 - United States (Nebraska)

fmlallthetyme's comment : Is there such a thing as a tasteful septum piercing?

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Today, I learned how my coworkers differentiate between my coworker and me as we have the same name, when I overheard one of them ask the other, "Which one, ugly Leslie or hot Leslie?" When the answer was "ugly Leslie," he walked straight to me. FML

#21437500
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14638) - you deserved it (976)

On 07/06/2015 at 5:32pm - work - by makeover-needed - United States

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

#21437483
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17153) - you deserved it (7918)

On 07/06/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by --- - Canada (Ontario)

MrConcise's comment : Hey, that's why you're there. Just remember that.

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