Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (978) - you deserved it (91)
On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States
Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (798) - you deserved it (111)
On 05/24/2013 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5897) - you deserved it (536)
On 05/24/2013 at 3:06am - misc - by redneckfamily - United States (Washington)
Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and that we should get rid of him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5359) - you deserved it (642)
On 05/24/2013 at 3:04am - animals - by seriously - United States
Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3092) - you deserved it (5759)
On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)
Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8233) - you deserved it (384)
On 05/23/2013 at 7:25pm - misc - by Dalistair (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7151) - you deserved it (928)
On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States
Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1943) - you deserved it (22320)
On 05/23/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by faitoh - United Kingdom (Lisburn)
Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7316) - you deserved it (785)
On 05/23/2013 at 4:15pm - work - by onefishtwofishes (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20874) - you deserved it (1774)
On 05/23/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by eric4 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
↑ mpsteve137's comment : Punch him in the face and say shit happens bro
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19599) - you deserved it (1359)
On 05/23/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Buzau)
↑ mpsteve137's comment : God is all about forgiveness
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20381) - you deserved it (1128)
On 05/23/2013 at 12:40pm - love - by a single fuck (man) - Germany (Berlin)
Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35461) - you deserved it (2399)
On 05/23/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Monday 20 May 2013
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↑ flockz's comment : fuck my life i'm a colossal douche.
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