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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7398) - you deserved it (3184)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

#21363900
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8340) - you deserved it (1204)

On 02/26/2015 at 11:18am - health - by gatewayev700 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my son likes to pee in the shower. He stated, "It's okay because dad pees in the sink!" I'm living with a bunch of bears. FML

#21363816
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17406) - you deserved it (2504)

On 02/26/2015 at 6:24am - kids - by showerlover (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

kittykath32's comment : There are two types of people: those who pee in the shower and liars.

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Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

#21363801
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17621) - you deserved it (5551) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2015 at 2:35am - love - by ManchotDesAndes - Sent from mobile version

makkarari's comment : You always look at the fingers when they come toward you! Always! You can't trust those little minions!

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Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

#21363653
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16943) - you deserved it (3438)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm - misc - by fredi - Australia (New South Wales)

clumsylobster's comment : How the heck does it get down there? Open your butt and face the cannon?

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Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18103) - you deserved it (2080)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

#21363530
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18171) - you deserved it (1394)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18026) - you deserved it (1850)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

#21363273
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22033) - you deserved it (1480)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23504) - you deserved it (1834)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

#21363220
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23717) - you deserved it (2039)

On 02/25/2015 at 9:18am - work - by mags89 - United States

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

#21363187
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21649) - you deserved it (1895)

On 02/25/2015 at 6:51am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

#21363177
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19280) - you deserved it (8971)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)



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