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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

#21461256
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2446) - you deserved it (193)

On 08/27/2015 at 6:56am - health - by jack - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

#21461238
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1916) - you deserved it (639)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:37am - work - by Anon (man) - United States

Today, I was going down the elevator in my dorm and a friend joined on another floor. He then thought it was a good time to tell me that he slept with my girlfriend when the elevator got stuck. Worst 40 minutes of my life. FML

#21461236
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7498) - you deserved it (428)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:23am - misc - by smyp - Lithuania

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

#21461220
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6234) - you deserved it (462)

On 08/27/2015 at 2:46am - misc - by philip708 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

#21461075
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8583) - you deserved it (569)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:28pm - kids - by tortureromoretorture - United States (New York)

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML

#21460902
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11061) - you deserved it (1079)

On 08/26/2015 at 9:55am - misc - by aaaaaaaaasssssssssssssss (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

#21460883
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11326) - you deserved it (1052)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:31am - love - by Ananimus (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

#21460870
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9959) - you deserved it (4558)

On 08/26/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the day sobbing in my bedroom and talking shit about him on Facebook after blocking him. He ended up changing his mind and calling me, asking me to take him back. Now I have to awkwardly explain to everyone that we're back together. FML

#21460859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6406) - you deserved it (25788)

On 08/26/2015 at 6:25am - love - by chiara (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

cutycat136's comment : Half of the time, that kind of stuff does happen and people do end up getting back together soon after as long as it wasn't over anything serious. If I was him, I would break up with you again for talking about him like that so fast.

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Today, my boss broke off our relationship because he said it's inappropriate. I really liked him, but I accepted it and respected his integrity. A few hours later, I found out he's now dating my colleague. FML

#21460841
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17257) - you deserved it (2511)

On 08/26/2015 at 4:33am - work - by salope (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

#21460833
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16053) - you deserved it (1632)

On 08/26/2015 at 4:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

ShirtlessWonder's comment : How can someone not care about their sibling that much?

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Today, is my five year anniversary. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me something shiny this year. I thought he was gonna propose. He got me a set of sparkle glue. FML

#21460828
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17945) - you deserved it (2287)

On 08/26/2015 at 3:45am - love - by Anonymous - India (West Bengal)

drunkturtle's comment : Well he didn't lie

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