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Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2086) - you deserved it (375)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving lifegaurd instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4661) - you deserved it (438)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5859) - you deserved it (683)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2903) - you deserved it (4754)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16392) - you deserved it (1785)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

goldenscorpion's comment : No one 'decides' to get diarrhea.

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Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11618) - you deserved it (14430)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22359) - you deserved it (4409)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

GigaPudding's comment : When you tickle someone you have to be prepared for the consequences...

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Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23560) - you deserved it (2079)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

pam241's comment : I think I just threw up

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Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20373) - you deserved it (1857)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

#21282362
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21715) - you deserved it (1593)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

#21282066
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21416) - you deserved it (2343)

On 10/20/2014 at 10:29pm - love - by DanTheMan (man) -

Today, I came out as bisexual to my friends via group message. They didn't respond; I had a panic attack. An hour later, one of my friends texted back, "k". FML



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