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 Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

#21242399
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4311) - you deserved it (1420)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got fired after three days at my new job. They told me it was because of downsizing. They were still interviewing people and had a help wanted sign in the window. FML

Today, I was shaving with a waterproof battery operated shaver only to get tasered by it. FML

#21242075
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6239) - you deserved it (651)

On 08/20/2014 at 10:37pm - misc - by close shave (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found my first grey pube. At my age, this seems like a normal thing for a man to find, but I found mine in my Big Mac. FML

#21242064
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13803) - you deserved it (956)

On 08/20/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by James_Briggs - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

#21241880
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18999) - you deserved it (3066)

On 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18625) - you deserved it (3427)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

weveallbeenthere's comment : she's a keeper.

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Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

#21241796
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18271) - you deserved it (1291)

On 08/20/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by sonofaneuroticwench (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

#21241750
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24280) - you deserved it (1558)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:59pm - money - by HungryStudent (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics. thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12030) - you deserved it (24240)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

warsun's comment : F your grandma's life actually

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Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

#21241662
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24471) - you deserved it (1750)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:01pm - love - by ithinkicanmakeit - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27285) - you deserved it (3641)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

nieldan's comment : I guess there are two pussies purring

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Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

#21241406
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41215) - you deserved it (2704)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:15am - health - by BagelTheOtaku (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks found the engagement ring I tried to give to my ex. She started crying and said yes. FML



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