Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2372) - you deserved it (305)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to a amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2192) - you deserved it (250)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5973) - you deserved it (836)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5006) - you deserved it (405)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. I went to whisper in her ear, when my body decided it would be funny to suddenly get hiccups. My hiccup burst her eardrum. FML

#21448262
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7441) - you deserved it (674)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:20pm - love - by Hicoops (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8154) - you deserved it (627)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

PharmacyJoe's comment : Have you explained to her that testicles and tubes of toothpaste do not, in fact, work in the same manner?

See all the comments →

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15763) - you deserved it (1417)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15380) - you deserved it (1460)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

hussamhasi's comment : They will always find excuses .. My ex girlfriend broke up with me because marriage was going to be hard for us , we were 16 .. No sense

See all the comments →

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

#21448024
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16786) - you deserved it (1182)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Bricktothehead's comment : Well, it's a legitimate question?

See all the comments →

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

#21447950
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19456) - you deserved it (1290)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

#21447917
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18195) - you deserved it (3487)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16896) - you deserved it (3275)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: