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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

#21302796
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4546) - you deserved it (1242)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:45pm - health - by fark (woman) - Ireland

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5059) - you deserved it (555)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

#21302766
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7210) - you deserved it (1799)

On 11/20/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by fuck fof and die dad (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7231) - you deserved it (565)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

#21302690
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14042) - you deserved it (1494)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:20am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

DocBastard's comment : "Oh I'm on the menu, sir. You just can't afford me."

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Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

#21302674
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13770) - you deserved it (1197)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that I ran out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

#21302617
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13257) - you deserved it (3031)

On 11/20/2014 at 6:32am - health - by LemonTree (man) - Hungary

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

#21302388
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16930) - you deserved it (1762)

On 11/19/2014 at 9:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

#21302177
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21865) - you deserved it (3608)

On 11/19/2014 at 3:56pm - work - by bookworm - United States (Texas)

emile_heskey's comment : Brought to you by the letters F, M, and L

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Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long 12 hour drive. FML

#21302111
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22107) - you deserved it (1879)

On 11/19/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by honeybunny - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

#21302094
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22078) - you deserved it (4450)

On 11/19/2014 at 1:44pm - misc - by limpdick9 - United States (California)

MrConcise's comment : Just act like a normal person when cops are tailing you, you'll look less suspicious. You think they don't know you're going five miles under the speed limit because they're behind you?

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Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

#21302073
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26587) - you deserved it (2326)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

#21302056
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (5211)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:03pm - love - by oops (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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