Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

#21303227
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6905) - you deserved it (649)

On 11/21/2014 at 8:51am - misc - by UTRejected (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8494) - you deserved it (2301)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

#21303116
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8398) - you deserved it (948)

On 11/21/2014 at 1:11am - work - by TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - United States (California)

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

#21303024
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11169) - you deserved it (5462)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:25pm - misc - by AOart1st (man) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

#21302935
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10757) - you deserved it (3478)

On 11/20/2014 at 7:43pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

#21302927
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13782) - you deserved it (918)

On 11/20/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by spreadburger - United States (Florida)

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

#21302910
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11062) - you deserved it (2349)

On 11/20/2014 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

#21302796
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17911) - you deserved it (5244)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:45pm - health - by fark (woman) - Ireland

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20444) - you deserved it (2253)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Joshery's comment : Maybe you should ask for a raise, he might be stupid enough to give it to you

See all the comments →

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

#21302766
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19740) - you deserved it (4713)

On 11/20/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by fuck fof and die dad (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

michaelm1290's comment : Tell your dad to beat it.

See all the comments →

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19572) - you deserved it (1500)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

blackdoritos's comment : Did you at least say thank you

See all the comments →

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

#21302690
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22369) - you deserved it (2356)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:20am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: