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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

#21221083
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6195) - you deserved it (557)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

#21221072
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6046) - you deserved it (466)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend pointed out that her pubes are longer than my penis. FML

#21220941
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14068) - you deserved it (2106)

On 07/26/2014 at 5:03am - intimacy - by cleavers_143 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Welshite's comment : Just hand her a razor. Problem solved.

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Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that at I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML

#21220915
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11758) - you deserved it (1552)

On 07/26/2014 at 3:39am - work - by uhohspaghettios (man) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test earlier this year. FML

#21220823
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12360) - you deserved it (1090)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:55am - misc - by birthday girl - United States (Ohio)

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

#21220657
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12610) - you deserved it (1316)

On 07/25/2014 at 10:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

#21220536
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21246) - you deserved it (3957)

On 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm - misc - by xXshitface4uXx (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

#21220481
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20982) - you deserved it (4529)

On 07/25/2014 at 5:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

VicRC's comment : think its time to have a talk with her

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Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

#21220439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22500) - you deserved it (1782)

On 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm - misc - by asshalf15 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26946) - you deserved it (2050)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Box0choklitz's comment : She deserved it for being that kind of person.

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Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23501) - you deserved it (3969)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12264) - you deserved it (33012)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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