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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

#21241880
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9060) - you deserved it (1329)

On 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8972) - you deserved it (1666)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

#21241796
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9009) - you deserved it (637)

On 08/20/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by sonofaneuroticwench (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

#21241750
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18324) - you deserved it (1167)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:59pm - money - by HungryStudent (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics. thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9406) - you deserved it (18771)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

warsun's comment : F your grandma's life actually

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Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

#21241662
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19121) - you deserved it (1333)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:01pm - love - by ithinkicanmakeit - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24184) - you deserved it (3193)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

nieldan's comment : I guess there are two pussies purring

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Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

#21241406
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36239) - you deserved it (2340)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:15am - health - by BagelTheOtaku (woman) - United States (Georgia)

smiley1014's comment : Maybe it's time to go see a doctor?

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Today, my girlfriend of three weeks found the engagement ring I tried to give to my ex. She started crying and said yes. FML

#21241178
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31026) - you deserved it (6127)

On 08/19/2014 at 7:37pm - love - by lent - United States (Idaho)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

#21241143
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29204) - you deserved it (4143)

On 08/19/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by Xbieblette51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

#21241122
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25541) - you deserved it (7152)

On 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28058) - you deserved it (3854)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31765) - you deserved it (11033)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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