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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

#21451972
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (358) - you deserved it (29)

On 08/04/2015 at 10:33pm - love - by Carowl (woman) -

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

#21451858
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1099) - you deserved it (92)

On 08/04/2015 at 5:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML

#21451856
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2692) - you deserved it (215)

On 08/04/2015 at 5:40pm - love - by TheDenmarkian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

#21451832
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2631) - you deserved it (197)

On 08/04/2015 at 4:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

#21451813
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11691) - you deserved it (987)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm - animals - by whydoihavecats - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML

#21451804
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10915) - you deserved it (1338)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:06pm - work - by ksa (man) - Poland (Slaskie)

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

#21451761
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11504) - you deserved it (720)

On 08/04/2015 at 1:02pm - work - by Mmorgan771 - United States (Florida)

Welshite's comment : This is why animals don't make great jewelry. Just think of the poor little mole family left without their father.

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Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

#21451712
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13572) - you deserved it (8740)

On 08/04/2015 at 9:31am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

MyNameIsLaughter's comment : Write down a notice of resignation. If you write it out and hand it to the manager you won't be so nervous you can't speak up, and it looks more professional. Good luck OP

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Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML

#21451692
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15523) - you deserved it (1612)

On 08/04/2015 at 7:59am - misc - by elizio (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

#21451650
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13393) - you deserved it (3935)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:33am - love - by that girl has a beard - Canada

TheNiceOne's comment : Op, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that it was probably really really dark in there at the time.

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Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

#21451593
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16503) - you deserved it (1168)

On 08/04/2015 at 12:23am - misc - by MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

#21451556
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16650) - you deserved it (1117)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm - work - by eventer1919 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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