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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got in an argument with my teacher for always comparing me to my sister that she had a few years before. After I said, "I'm not my sister so please stop comparing me to her," she responded, "Of course you're not your sister, I actually like your sister." FML

#21283210
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (448) - you deserved it (53)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:55pm - misc - by Not so much of a teachers pet - United States

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (177) - you deserved it (532)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

#21283103
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13363) - you deserved it (2239)

On 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16628) - you deserved it (1898)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Cortezthe1st's comment : You should play along.

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Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

#21283051
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13876) - you deserved it (1664)

On 10/22/2014 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19818) - you deserved it (2025)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

#21282944
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18205) - you deserved it (1701)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:09am - work - by Thewatcher (man) - Mauritius

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19161) - you deserved it (3552)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21402) - you deserved it (2085)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21339) - you deserved it (2474)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

yamazumi's comment : pff, their fault, would have gotten up anyway.

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Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10392) - you deserved it (16238)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23168) - you deserved it (2734)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

goldenscorpion's comment : No one 'decides' to get diarrhea.

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