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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

#21364157
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1102) - you deserved it (71)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by We're still popping them - United States (California)

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

#21364143
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1924) - you deserved it (169)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:20pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

#21364131
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1674) - you deserved it (357)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm - animals - by jynxisadouchebag - United States (California)

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13093) - you deserved it (5768)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

leopardwilliam's comment : A true friend wouldn't mind a little flatulence

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Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

#21363900
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14808) - you deserved it (2273)

On 02/26/2015 at 11:18am - health - by gatewayev700 - United States (Pennsylvania)

IJG2000's comment : Wtf? Sorry but that's not the reason why she cancelled it. She's hiding something because quite clearly that's not the real reason. I hope you can get things sorted out. GL OP

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Today, I found out my son likes to pee in the shower. He stated, "It's okay because dad pees in the sink!" I'm living with a bunch of bears. FML

#21363816
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20718) - you deserved it (3052)

On 02/26/2015 at 6:24am - kids - by showerlover (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

kittykath32's comment : There are two types of people: those who pee in the shower and liars.

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Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

#21363801
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20210) - you deserved it (6373) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2015 at 2:35am - love - by ManchotDesAndes - Sent from mobile version

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

#21363653
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19382) - you deserved it (3937)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm - misc - by fredi - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20721) - you deserved it (2421)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

#21363530
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20835) - you deserved it (1604)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20288) - you deserved it (2105)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

#21363273
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23270) - you deserved it (1591)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24826) - you deserved it (1932)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom



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