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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

#21120108
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12777) - you deserved it (1196)

On 04/22/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by only my life (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

#21119972
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12028) - you deserved it (1242)

On 04/22/2014 at 2:59pm - kids - by wah wah "you raised him" (man) - United States (California)

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

#21119838
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12531) - you deserved it (963)

On 04/22/2014 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

LCPLStewie's comment : Is this the shoe store? NO THIS IS PATRICK!!!

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Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

#21119632
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23961) - you deserved it (2556)

On 04/22/2014 at 1:31am - health - by Tomatoe Face - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

#21119490
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27200) - you deserved it (6431)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

LuluRichards's comment : Maybe marriage counselling is worth a try?

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Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

#21119159
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21608) - you deserved it (6964)

On 04/21/2014 at 5:26pm - work - by banana_tree - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29881) - you deserved it (7756)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Coryj1220's comment : Quit doing it with the parrot in the room, or don't be so damn loud.

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Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32441) - you deserved it (6845)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

#21118654
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38693) - you deserved it (2810)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:11am - misc - by shorty (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30773) - you deserved it (4121)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

#21118642
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28638) - you deserved it (7645)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by kelly.duggan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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