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Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (655) - you deserved it (154)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

#21116653
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (578) - you deserved it (65)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:59pm - misc - by you'vegotmail(not) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

#21116600
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9351) - you deserved it (8689)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:56pm - misc - by say no to dick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

#21116585
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10676) - you deserved it (1016)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

#21116561
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10222) - you deserved it (905)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10307) - you deserved it (17462)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

NotGabe's comment : The next morning will be interesting...

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Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

#21116391
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14661) - you deserved it (4678)

On 04/18/2014 at 2:24pm - animals - by hold your horses pony boy - United States

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11975) - you deserved it (30536)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Immortal_Toaster's comment : That's snot very fun..

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Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

#21116013
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21739) - you deserved it (6662)

On 04/18/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Fatass - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26088) - you deserved it (9016)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

lat1404's comment : It's weird that they know when you masturbate

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Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

#21115862
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31099) - you deserved it (2691)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:31pm - kids - by mommy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

#21115855
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28528) - you deserved it (3393)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

#21115731
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23950) - you deserved it (2022)

On 04/17/2014 at 7:24pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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