Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

#21464483
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7559) - you deserved it (443)

On 09/04/2015 at 11:48am - health - by ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

#21464474
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7471) - you deserved it (655)

On 09/04/2015 at 10:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

#21464468
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7545) - you deserved it (746)

On 09/04/2015 at 10:30am - misc - by fuckyoudeadgunnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting ready to go out with my family. As I was putting my phone in my purse, my father told me I wouldn't need it because we were going to spend 'quality time' together. The entire time I was there, everyone was staring at their phone. I was the only one without one. FML

#21464463
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12690) - you deserved it (1329)

On 09/04/2015 at 10:15am - misc - by idk (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got a hold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible". He was referring to me. FML

#21464364
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14128) - you deserved it (1041)

On 09/04/2015 at 12:40am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Attacksloth's comment : With any luck, he ends up single, and you and the other girl become friends and act as each other's wingwomen. :D

See all the comments →

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

#21464284
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13158) - you deserved it (1455)

On 09/03/2015 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML

#21464273
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14111) - you deserved it (1499)

On 09/03/2015 at 9:06pm - kids - by whoevenncares - United States

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

#21464255
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13596) - you deserved it (4209)

On 09/03/2015 at 7:31pm - love - by bestgirlfriend (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockton-on-Tees)

alphafish17's comment : If your own father thinks you're a bad influence it might be time to rethink some of your choices

See all the comments →

Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML

marcranger's comment : Of course the cat won't answer the door. He doesn't have opposable thumbs. Sorry to hear that, OP. Can you get the police involved?

See all the comments →

Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

#21464190
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13083) - you deserved it (5558)

On 09/03/2015 at 4:14pm - misc - by stupidrobot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

#21464185
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19782) - you deserved it (1189)

On 09/03/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Why - United States (California)

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

#21464117
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17841) - you deserved it (2540)

On 09/03/2015 at 12:30pm - misc - by kp - United States

Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

#21463971
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19339) - you deserved it (1448)

On 09/02/2015 at 11:37pm - work - by ihatemyjob - United States (Mississippi)



FML's blog

  • RoSaCe's illustrated FML
  • Back to business! Yep, everyone is back from their vacation, unless you're a rich, childfree, lovin' life-type of person who doesn't go on holiday when everybody else does, and can do whatever they…

Friday 4 September 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: