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Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9190) - you deserved it (689)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

#21397265
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9307) - you deserved it (3608)

On 04/21/2015 at 3:55am - health - by Not dying. (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

VonBlitzkrieg's comment : A "fart attack," if you will.

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Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

#21397145
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13718) - you deserved it (1376)

On 04/20/2015 at 10:42pm - misc - by Zach - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

#21397058
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14181) - you deserved it (910)

On 04/20/2015 at 8:16pm - health - by Phabia - United States (Iowa)

HarshD9619's comment : It's funny how the date on the FMl is 4/20

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Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiance and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

#21397047
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12965) - you deserved it (1758)

On 04/20/2015 at 7:55pm - kids - by ChildFree (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

#21396978
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11847) - you deserved it (1300)

On 04/20/2015 at 5:41pm - misc - by Deli meat prom - United States (Texas)

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

#21396858
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20275) - you deserved it (2063)

On 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm - animals - by craZycatLady - United States (Kansas)

EmmaRey's comment : I feel like "chilling like nothing happened" describes pretty much any cat all the time. Lol

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Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

#21396824
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18898) - you deserved it (4598)

On 04/20/2015 at 1:01pm - love - by fatass - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after a relaxing week away, my husband and I came home to discover our 17 year old son crashed one of our cars against the other. FML

#21396823
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18970) - you deserved it (2081)

On 04/20/2015 at 12:57pm - money - by ihatekids - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a theatre performance. I had to put on a lot of makeup for the role, and one of the guys said I looked nice. I smiled and said thanks. Seconds later, I'd been sucker-punched by his girlfriend for "flirting" with her man. FML

#21396780
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19361) - you deserved it (1307)

On 04/20/2015 at 10:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

#21396530
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20941) - you deserved it (2711)

On 04/19/2015 at 10:39pm - work - by notmysistersbf (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

#21396492
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23832) - you deserved it (2134)

On 04/19/2015 at 9:46pm - misc - by me - Canada

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

#21396485
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10252) - you deserved it (20866)

On 04/19/2015 at 9:39pm - love - by queenbitch - United States (Michigan)



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