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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3795) - you deserved it (437)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, while on the bus, a friendly-looking guy smiled at me, so I smiled back. He then pointed at my teeth and said, "You gonna get those fixed, or just keep them as a conversation starter?" FML

#21261172
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3635) - you deserved it (346)

On 09/19/2014 at 8:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, in a rush to get out of my house to go to a doctor's appointment, I closed the door behind me without having my house or car keys on me. Sadly, it took me less than a minute to break into my own house. FML

#21261117
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12252) - you deserved it (1840)

On 09/19/2014 at 4:58am - misc - by Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

#21261017
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19422) - you deserved it (1465)

On 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm - love - by clairebear104 - United States (Kentucky)

more4me's comment : Dislike! Kidding. I hope you walked out.

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Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

#21260940
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19393) - you deserved it (1115)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:56pm - misc - by Lexi801 - United States (Utah)

CallMeWindSock's comment : Well so much for parental support. Congrats on your ace though

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Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

#21260926
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18061) - you deserved it (1014)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:44pm - misc - by badprofessor - United States (New York)

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

#21260699
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17129) - you deserved it (2827)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm - misc - by immature - United Kingdom (Reading)

wes870's comment : Now your students know their teacher isn't a stiff...personally I liked teachers like that.

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Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

#21260606
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25577) - you deserved it (2815)

On 09/18/2014 at 11:38am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, my boyfriend convinced my 4-year-old sister that girls don't poop. She won't stop crying and now thinks she's a freak. FML

#21260556
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23846) - you deserved it (2241)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:16am - kids - by Anonymous - Kenya

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30702) - you deserved it (2827)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

#21260387
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24148) - you deserved it (1814)

On 09/18/2014 at 12:05am - health - by adamwilcockson - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28324) - you deserved it (3085)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

#21260295
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24793) - you deserved it (1868)

On 09/17/2014 at 9:37pm - misc - by compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - United States (Pennsylvania)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you know any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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