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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

#21117346
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11787) - you deserved it (1140)

On 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm - misc - by burnmyeyes (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

#21117292
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11579) - you deserved it (1324)

On 04/19/2014 at 4:12pm - love - by snore - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my crazily elitist parents were so desperate to get me to dump my fiancé that they threatened to divorce if I didn't. When I told them to go ahead, they bitched me out for being disrespectful. FML

#21117173
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12100) - you deserved it (910)

On 04/19/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by reb (woman) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

#21116951
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18528) - you deserved it (1797)

On 04/19/2014 at 3:44am - misc - by crappy - United States

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22656) - you deserved it (3302)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Welshite's comment : Silent, but deadly.

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Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22734) - you deserved it (4015)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

frank_b102's comment : Well that kid definitely deserves a raise in his allowance!

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Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

#21116653
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19164) - you deserved it (1730)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:59pm - misc - by you'vegotmail(not) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

#21116600
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20170) - you deserved it (23316)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:56pm - misc - by say no to dick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

justindrew14's comment : well you kind of deserve it for telling him in the first place.

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Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

#21116585
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24631) - you deserved it (2426)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

#21116561
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23444) - you deserved it (2199)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16440) - you deserved it (27985)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

#21116391
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23216) - you deserved it (7354)

On 04/18/2014 at 2:24pm - animals - by hold your horses pony boy - United States

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15071) - you deserved it (37808)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)



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