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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

#21462073
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4603) - you deserved it (530)

On 08/29/2015 at 10:06am - misc - by Lord Buttfuck IV (man) - France

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

#21462064
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3953) - you deserved it (247)

On 08/29/2015 at 9:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

#21462044
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4708) - you deserved it (295)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

#21462016
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11757) - you deserved it (815)

On 08/29/2015 at 4:50am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

dezman2000's comment : You should follow this FML up in a couple of weeks, just so we know that you didn't follow in your doctor's footsteps.

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Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

#21461958
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6596) - you deserved it (9182)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by mumfordandsonimdisappointed - United States

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

#21461945
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13257) - you deserved it (731)

On 08/29/2015 at 12:29am - misc - by tkoester - United States (Illinois)

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's comment : you should be happy! After all those years of marriage, the spark is still there!

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Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

#21461787
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11883) - you deserved it (2075)

On 08/28/2015 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by still laughing (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Cads1's comment : Why is your bed on wheels? Do you live in a hospital?

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Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

#21461761
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15152) - you deserved it (1141)

On 08/28/2015 at 4:05pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Friuli-Venezia Giulia)

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

#21461710
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11119) - you deserved it (1911)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

#21461601
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18209) - you deserved it (1675)

On 08/28/2015 at 3:21am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

#21461594
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16765) - you deserved it (1579)

On 08/28/2015 at 2:39am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

#21461585
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16446) - you deserved it (2718)

On 08/28/2015 at 2:13am - health - by unsuckable (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I washed all the dishes and cups from the family dinner last night and put them away. When my wife saw, she had a mini OCD breakdown and yelled at me because the cups weren't lined up with each other with the handles aligned and the flower pictures facing out left. FML

#21461576
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16239) - you deserved it (2064)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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