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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10250) - you deserved it (1333)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

#21405053
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10487) - you deserved it (796)

On 05/05/2015 at 10:44am - love - by inheritance (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

bethyc4's comment : Encouraging a family member's death?! Ditch the Bitch!

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Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

#21404993
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9860) - you deserved it (614)

On 05/05/2015 at 6:50am - work - by GotGasNotLuck (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

#21404939
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10426) - you deserved it (1066)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11584) - you deserved it (2382)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

UnluckyLatina's comment : He probably did it to not embarrass you, he's a keeper.

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Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

#21404798
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7864) - you deserved it (13482)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:08pm - work - by Jobless in Seattle - United States (Texas)

Nailpolishaholic's comment : Well, you just proved you weren't fired unfairly.

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Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

#21404795
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13132) - you deserved it (1263)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm - kids - by JustSom - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

#21404700
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7724) - you deserved it (12899)

On 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

#21404625
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13884) - you deserved it (1006)

On 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm - misc - by Malíya - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

#21404461
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22190) - you deserved it (1693)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm - misc - by to_complicated_4_u - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister came up to me holding up my phone. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't dropped it in the toilet first. FML

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

#21404425
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22909) - you deserved it (1538)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by FMe - United Kingdom

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

#21404242
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24088) - you deserved it (1688)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:04am - misc - by double trouble -



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