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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

#21451712
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7534) - you deserved it (4620)

On 08/04/2015 at 9:31am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML

#21451692
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8588) - you deserved it (872)

On 08/04/2015 at 7:59am - misc - by elizio (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

#21451650
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7804) - you deserved it (2223)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:33am - love - by that girl has a beard - Canada

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

#21451593
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10768) - you deserved it (771)

On 08/04/2015 at 12:23am - misc - by MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML

#21451571
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10465) - you deserved it (1798)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:26pm - misc - by 18emikot - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

#21451556
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11968) - you deserved it (819)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm - work - by eventer1919 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I also needed to add, "Does not currently live in a psychiatric hospital, after being declared 'Not criminally responsible for a crime'" to my list of qualities that I want in a man. FML

#21451515
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11193) - you deserved it (1046)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:43pm - love - by whyyyyyme (woman) - Canada

UncleCaitlyn's comment : Another impossible standard for men

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Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

#21451505
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12276) - you deserved it (968)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

HRTreatman's comment : At least you know the baby is yours.

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Today, I was at a bar. When asked if I wanted a refill of my coffee, I said yes, and moved the cup from my lap to the counter. As I did this, the waitress spilled hot coffee right into my crotch. FML

JMichael's comment : did she apologetically wipe it off?

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Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

#21451285
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17992) - you deserved it (9108)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16006) - you deserved it (6925)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

#21451172
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22854) - you deserved it (3947)

On 08/03/2015 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ahhh - United States (Illinois)

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

#21451161
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19303) - you deserved it (1606)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:31am - health - by sendhelp - United States (Utah)



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