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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML

#21219077
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12246) - you deserved it (2181)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:05am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, the fire alarm went off at work. My office is on the second floor, and the door to the stairs were jammed shut. The only way out was jumping out the window. The best part was breaking my leg due to someone burning their lunch. FML

#21218720
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12409) - you deserved it (2353)

On 07/23/2014 at 9:34pm - health - by timv94 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Goblin182's comment : I think I would have made sure there was clear and present danger before jumping out of a second floor window.

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Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

#21218640
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14258) - you deserved it (1218)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:52pm - kids - by TCRII - United States (Virginia)

stillalive33's comment : This is going to be a great story for future girlfriends.

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Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

#21218616
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8887) - you deserved it (8437)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm - health - by ThunderThighs (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14569) - you deserved it (1557)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

#21218491
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12721) - you deserved it (879)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:57pm - misc - by Rosey (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31886) - you deserved it (2514)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

bdun4's comment : Good job proving him wrong

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Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25260) - you deserved it (9031)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

#21218239
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25076) - you deserved it (8146)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

#21217897
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28442) - you deserved it (4354)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:09am - love - by swiggityswooty - United States (California)

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

#21217892
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28145) - you deserved it (2650)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:04am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24759) - you deserved it (8084)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

#21217678
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28504) - you deserved it (2094)

On 07/22/2014 at 8:51pm - work - by Inthedumps (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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