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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, on my daughter's 9th birthday, I have to let her know that her dog died in his sleep overnight. Happy birthday. FML

#21461306
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3966) - you deserved it (196)

On 08/27/2015 at 11:36am - kids - by JDCH_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my bitch of a sister broke my new phone, which took me months of work to earn. Her excuse? If I didn't want her to break it, I shouldn't have let her use it. FML

#21461274
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3761) - you deserved it (304)

On 08/27/2015 at 8:43am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bexley)

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

#21461256
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10578) - you deserved it (819)

On 08/27/2015 at 6:56am - health - by jack - United Kingdom (London, City of)

TMramrod's comment : That's enough internet for today.

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Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

#21461238
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8587) - you deserved it (2411)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:37am - work - by Anon (man) - United States

Today, I was going down the elevator in my dorm and a friend joined on another floor. He then thought it was a good time to tell me that he slept with my girlfriend when the elevator got stuck. Worst 40 minutes of my life. FML

#21461236
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13213) - you deserved it (755)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:23am - misc - by smyp - Lithuania

Yazoo77's comment : How the fuck do friends think that's okay to even ATTEMPT and for/boyfriends???

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Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

#21461220
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11208) - you deserved it (817)

On 08/27/2015 at 2:46am - misc - by philip708 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

#21461075
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12529) - you deserved it (839)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:28pm - kids - by tortureromoretorture - United States (New York)

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

mineller's comment : That's actually pretty adorable. I don't think I could resist that.

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Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML

#21460902
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14338) - you deserved it (1411)

On 08/26/2015 at 9:55am - misc - by aaaaaaaaasssssssssssssss (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

#21460883
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14670) - you deserved it (1335)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:31am - love - by Ananimus (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

#21460870
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12938) - you deserved it (5776)

On 08/26/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the day sobbing in my bedroom and talking shit about him on Facebook after blocking him. He ended up changing his mind and calling me, asking me to take him back. Now I have to awkwardly explain to everyone that we're back together. FML

#21460859
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7071) - you deserved it (28811)

On 08/26/2015 at 6:25am - love - by chiara (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my boss broke off our relationship because he said it's inappropriate. I really liked him, but I accepted it and respected his integrity. A few hours later, I found out he's now dating my colleague. FML

#21460841
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19085) - you deserved it (2784)

On 08/26/2015 at 4:33am - work - by salope (woman) - Sent from mobile version



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