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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

#21417834
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5261) - you deserved it (343)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

#21417814
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5059) - you deserved it (417)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:39pm - animals - by poophead (woman) - Philippines

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

#21417809
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4586) - you deserved it (13212)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by smartass - United States (Texas)

Iarla_ceapaire93's comment : Why exactly did you need to prove it??

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Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

#21417788
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9040) - you deserved it (1935)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:34pm - work - by explosivepeach - United States (Maryland)

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

#21417667
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7060) - you deserved it (10515)

On 05/29/2015 at 4:15pm - health - by not a kiddy fiddler really (man) - United States (California)

WCARlover's comment : I bet you made were finally able to be high pitched enough to make the "hee hee" sound MJ did.

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Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

#21417642
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12313) - you deserved it (1073)

On 05/29/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

#21417626
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12759) - you deserved it (886)

On 05/29/2015 at 2:28pm - love - by probably single (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

rhiannahoward14's comment : Your name... "Probably single"... You should DEFINITELY be single and YOU should be the one to end it.

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Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

#21417560
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18373) - you deserved it (2240)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:05am - love - by GlueAndCarrots - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

#21417547
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16426) - you deserved it (2658)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

#21417526
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21698) - you deserved it (5707)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:04am - love - by Headless (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

#21417508
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18433) - you deserved it (3026)

On 05/29/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Great (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

#21417490
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16472) - you deserved it (4157)

On 05/29/2015 at 6:58am - misc - by sassy_girl144 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)



Juliette Bubulle's illustrated FML

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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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