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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

#21347235
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (502) - you deserved it (42)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML

#21347212
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (427) - you deserved it (47)

On 01/31/2015 at 8:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

#21347104
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (415) - you deserved it (46)

On 01/31/2015 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7247) - you deserved it (1442)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, when making a delivery for the restaurant I work for, a customer shoved and yelled at me because she didn't get any fries with her order. She didn't order any, which isn't unusual, considering we're a Chinese takeaway and don't even sell them. FML

#21347009
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8042) - you deserved it (474)

On 01/30/2015 at 8:25pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6647) - you deserved it (1655)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my beloved dog. Why? Yesterday she asked me who I'd choose, and I honestly said that I would choose the dog. FML

#21346972
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10159) - you deserved it (5961)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:13pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

cocacola999's comment : Of course. The dog would never ask to choose in such an idiotic way.

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Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

#21346970
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5670) - you deserved it (10180)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:11pm - health - by not a cancerous pimple - United States (Pennsylvania)

TrippingOnAcid's comment : My diagnosis: Web MD induced hypochondria.

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Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

#21346952
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13059) - you deserved it (1419)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

DocBastard's comment : Your brother is a strange individual. My sister has been married twice and has 3 children, but in my head she's never had sex. Not even once.

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Today, a booklet came in the mail, addressed to me and titled "How To Train Your Wife". I didn't order it but my wife doesn't believe me. FML

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15554) - you deserved it (2899)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16145) - you deserved it (1523)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

#21346806
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15398) - you deserved it (1057)

On 01/30/2015 at 1:11pm - misc - by lonesomegal (woman) - United States (California)



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