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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3720) - you deserved it (1247)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3733) - you deserved it (1950)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

#21226890
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4056) - you deserved it (391)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (1155)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

inhindsight's comment : Quick get rid of her

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Today, my best friend became my step-dad. FML

#21226798
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19214) - you deserved it (1227)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

MidnaLink's comment : Oh dear lord! This takes "doing your mom" to the next level!

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Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

#21226658
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20644) - you deserved it (1624)

On 08/01/2014 at 10:37am - misc - by CrazyDad (woman) - Serbia

Today, I spent my afternoon rummaging through old jeans and other pants, due to being broke and needing cash for ramen. FML

#21226442
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18659) - you deserved it (2323)

On 08/01/2014 at 1:33am - money - by baconistasty27 - United States (California)

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

#21226435
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20581) - you deserved it (1401)

On 08/01/2014 at 1:24am - misc - by Bad Teacher - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

#21226416
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25715) - you deserved it (3869)

On 08/01/2014 at 1:06am - love - by WontBeThereForYou (woman) - United States (Illinois)

TheSleeper1's comment : Ruined it? He made awesome

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Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

#21226277
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20697) - you deserved it (2078)

On 07/31/2014 at 10:50pm - misc - by RiceSickle (man) - United States (California)

Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML

#21226147
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20557) - you deserved it (1850)

On 07/31/2014 at 8:17pm - love - by Does this thought count? (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

#21225823
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26792) - you deserved it (2928)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28002) - you deserved it (4884)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)



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