Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

#21451593
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1242) - you deserved it (82)

On 08/04/2015 at 12:23am - misc - by MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML

#21451571
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2714) - you deserved it (509)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:26pm - misc - by 18emikot - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

#21451556
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4525) - you deserved it (303)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm - work - by eventer1919 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I also needed to add, "Does not currently live in a psychiatric hospital, after being declared 'Not criminally responsible for a crime'" to my list of qualities that I want in a man. FML

#21451515
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5453) - you deserved it (517)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:43pm - love - by whyyyyyme (woman) - Canada

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

#21451505
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5955) - you deserved it (483)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was at a bar. When asked if I wanted a refill of my coffee, I said yes, and moved the cup from my lap to the counter. As I did this, the waitress spilled hot coffee right into my crotch. FML

JMichael's comment : did she apologetically wipe it off?

See all the comments →

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

#21451285
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14964) - you deserved it (7630)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

sharonasaur's comment : Why would you go skinny dipping on your period?

See all the comments →

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13322) - you deserved it (5810)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

jmsouthe7's comment : Fucking double standard

See all the comments →

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

#21451172
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20874) - you deserved it (3553)

On 08/03/2015 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ahhh - United States (Illinois)

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

#21451161
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17935) - you deserved it (1476)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:31am - health - by sendhelp - United States (Utah)

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

#21451102
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15973) - you deserved it (1424)

On 08/02/2015 at 11:25pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16518) - you deserved it (2139)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: