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Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

#21343418
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8111) - you deserved it (513)

On 01/24/2015 at 12:24pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7500) - you deserved it (779)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

#21343273
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12322) - you deserved it (1800)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

MRP360's comment : Nothing wrong in using a nosehair trimmer.

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Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

#21343098
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17278) - you deserved it (1975)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by xoragebaby - United States

SassyGoblin1198's comment : On the other hand: "today, my girlfriend fell asleep on me during sex. She was having a good dream though. Of me? Oh no. She was dreaming of chopping lettuce. FML" ?

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Today, I saw selfies of my aunt and her friends on Facebook having a great time. They took the pictures at my mother's funeral last week. FML

#21343089
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18910) - you deserved it (1180)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

#21343084
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16877) - you deserved it (1161)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Exodiafinder687's comment : "Come on mom! It's obviously dad's collection. My collection wouldn't fit on one server."

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Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23916) - you deserved it (4124)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19564) - you deserved it (2579)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

#21342878
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22490) - you deserved it (1894)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:09pm - love - by uggg - United States (Washington)

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18697) - you deserved it (2336)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

#21342840
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21261) - you deserved it (1655)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:41am - work - by Ineedlotsofwater (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

#21342800
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30607) - you deserved it (1881)

On 01/23/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML

#21342765
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21721) - you deserved it (1842)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:27am - work - by Mishlette (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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