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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

#21368890
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2290) - you deserved it (175)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:38pm - love - by Not Homeless - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

#21368886
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2810) - you deserved it (188)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2516) - you deserved it (428)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, during a meal out with my team and bosses, I wasn't drinking. The waiter complained, "If you're not ordering alcohol, how am I supposed to take advantage of you later?" I'm not sure what's worse, the rapey pre-dinner joke or the awkward silence as my colleagues looked on. FML

#21368836
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3499) - you deserved it (231)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:07pm - work - by pabj208 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

#21368822
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3016) - you deserved it (307)

On 03/05/2015 at 6:34pm - health - by bushwhacker (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

#21368771
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3090) - you deserved it (289)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm - misc - by Why? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand the man due to his incoherent mumbling. I had to decline the job after asking him to repeat everything he said, over and over again. I still don't know exactly which job I declined. FML

#21368765
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3238) - you deserved it (286)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:26pm - work - by phishy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

#21368646
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17413) - you deserved it (1191)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by cheshirealyce (woman) - United States (Alabama)

jada_crump's comment : Was it by the same person?..

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Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

#21368636
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15226) - you deserved it (1135)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:10pm - work - by Completely Innocent - United States

Today, during a family game of "Cards Against Humanity," I had to explain to my mom what queefing is. FML

#21368616
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14850) - you deserved it (3241)

On 03/05/2015 at 11:30am - misc - by lulinator (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

darknut79's comment : "Family game" Well there's your problem.

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Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML

#21368562
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9487) - you deserved it (28491)

On 03/05/2015 at 9:32am - misc - by jlol - United States

EverestMelting's comment : That's a great way to open an investigation on your household. Good job OP.

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Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

#21368542
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22589) - you deserved it (1831)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:32am - love - by therealkathl - Austria

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

#21368524
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19474) - you deserved it (1597)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:38am - kids - by MrsRODixon - United Kingdom (Bridgend)



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