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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5089) - you deserved it (492)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a cute girl. I asked her name, to which I replied with mine and that it was nice to meet her. She followed up with a dirty look and the fact she hates anyone with my name. FML

#21450516
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8834) - you deserved it (623)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:19pm - work - by I'mMike - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

#21450491
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8723) - you deserved it (920)

On 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm - animals - by Wow (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suit case in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

#21450453
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11188) - you deserved it (698)

On 08/01/2015 at 1:17pm - misc - by Son of a Bitch - United States

Baustigt's comment : Get a roof rack for when you go on your next road trip. Then you can strap your mother to it so there's room in the front seat for your suitcase.

See all the comments →

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

#21450445
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8726) - you deserved it (2645)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Hellasboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12702) - you deserved it (2868)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic had to fight to pin down some total scum-sucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

#21450305
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12246) - you deserved it (1286)

On 08/01/2015 at 2:18am - work - by hook me up with some smack, Jack (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

#21450259
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17419) - you deserved it (1669)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Koalax3's comment : I would've honestly asked him if i could go over so I could play with the cat.. But that's just me

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Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

#21450246
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14892) - you deserved it (1079)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

booze_n_bitches's comment : Excusable because she's senile: but if any commenters start a debate on abortion....well, just don't.

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Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

#21450242
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18523) - you deserved it (1202)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm - kids - by Oihana - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML

Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML

#21450211
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16891) - you deserved it (1721)

On 07/31/2015 at 10:31pm - animals - by C_Ramirez1695 - United States (Texas)

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML



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