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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while out shopping with friends, I was apphrehended by two bounty hunters because they recognized my purple-dyed hair. Too bad my name isn't Natalie, who apparently shares the same hair color. They didn't believe me, even after I showed my ID. FML

#21405868
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (608) - you deserved it (42)

On 05/06/2015 at 8:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8257) - you deserved it (13767)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

codytallica's comment : YDI for sleeping with a guy you're not interested in. I hope on the date he is a real gentlemen and makes you feel guilty.

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Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

#21405584
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5036) - you deserved it (17897)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:34am - work - by Freelman - Ireland (Dublin)

VibratingMeerkat's comment : Question: why would you want to write a bad review for the place you work at?

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Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

#21405568
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17359) - you deserved it (1664)

On 05/06/2015 at 9:36am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

praesidiem's comment : "Dear, Ellen. My mother is so obsessed with you, that she is ignoring her offspring, simply because I won't send you a letter. So here is my letter, please allow me on your show without my mom. Ps I think you're great. Love, OP"

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Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

#21405555
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18265) - you deserved it (1776)

On 05/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by anon - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared, because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

#21405471
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19192) - you deserved it (1690) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/06/2015 at 1:24am - love - by Anonymous - France

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19156) - you deserved it (2288)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

#21405437
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18666) - you deserved it (2240)

On 05/06/2015 at 12:13am - misc - by msleea - United States (California)

Today, the cops showed up at our door at 11 pm. Apparently, our neighbours thought I was being abused because they heard high-pitched screaming for 45 minutes straight. Little did they know our 6-month-old baby screams when she's happy. Loudly. FML

Today, I went to surprise my mom by visiting her in the hospital. I brought her roses too, because I know she likes flowers. When I got there and gave her them, she said, "Wow. Roses." followed by, "David actually brings flowers I like." David's my brother. Now I know who's the favorite child. FML

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

#21405167
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (2305)

On 05/05/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21726) - you deserved it (8190)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)



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