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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

#21364342
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2038) - you deserved it (285)

On 02/27/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by milked (woman) - United States

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2970) - you deserved it (166)

On 02/26/2015 at 11:11pm - misc - by LocallyBrewed (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

#21364239
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6680) - you deserved it (3542)

On 02/26/2015 at 10:07pm - love - by confused - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

#21364157
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7351) - you deserved it (560)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by We're still popping them - United States (California)

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

#21364143
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8023) - you deserved it (720)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:20pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

#21364131
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6966) - you deserved it (1411)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm - animals - by jynxisadouchebag - United States (California)

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15708) - you deserved it (6958)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

leopardwilliam's comment : A true friend wouldn't mind a little flatulence

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Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

#21363900
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17634) - you deserved it (2707)

On 02/26/2015 at 11:18am - health - by gatewayev700 - United States (Pennsylvania)

IJG2000's comment : Wtf? Sorry but that's not the reason why she cancelled it. She's hiding something because quite clearly that's not the real reason. I hope you can get things sorted out. GL OP

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Today, I found out my son likes to pee in the shower. He stated, "It's okay because dad pees in the sink!" I'm living with a bunch of bears. FML

#21363816
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22104) - you deserved it (3302)

On 02/26/2015 at 6:24am - kids - by showerlover (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

kittykath32's comment : There are two types of people: those who pee in the shower and liars.

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Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

#21363653
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20225) - you deserved it (4125)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm - misc - by fredi - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21582) - you deserved it (2543)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

#21363530
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21679) - you deserved it (1686)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

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