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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML

#21223358
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5730) - you deserved it (648)

On 07/28/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by rejected - United States (California)

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

#21223271
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4423) - you deserved it (1147)

On 07/28/2014 at 4:47pm - work - by dorrisdoes - New Zealand

Today, I had a 5 hours exam. The exam guard had clearly eaten something funky, because she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

#21223114
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9955) - you deserved it (644)

On 07/28/2014 at 1:34pm - misc - by lizlala (woman) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, I almost passed out choking in front of my friends, because I was laughing too hard at my own pathetic joke while eating. FML

#21223030
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8285) - you deserved it (2696)

On 07/28/2014 at 11:39am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

#21222884
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17401) - you deserved it (4103)

On 07/28/2014 at 6:16am - work - by Scotty (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I dyed a friend's hair dark brown. She assured me I didn't need gloves as the dye would wash off. It didn't. My shift as a server is in an hour and it looks like I've been working in a tire shop my whole life. Goodbye tips, hello angry customers not wanting me anywhere near their food. FML

mcrepas's comment : But why wouldn't you wear gloves anyhow? Everybody knows those chemicals are pretty strong, and yes, stain whatever they touch

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Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

#21222673
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18138) - you deserved it (1689)

On 07/28/2014 at 12:36am - misc - by blow away - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

#21222536
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20816) - you deserved it (2105)

On 07/27/2014 at 10:54pm - misc - by tlm84 - United States (Massachusetts)

Welshite's comment : Tell the father that isn't how "men" act. He's little more than a juvenile mentally. Respect women, and they will respect you. Same for men.

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Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

#21222525
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17974) - you deserved it (1181)

On 07/27/2014 at 10:48pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

#21222459
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23362) - you deserved it (1992)

On 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by why - United States

malaak2's comment : Lol I hope your little brother isn't too little

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Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

#21222298
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21453) - you deserved it (4229)

On 07/27/2014 at 6:17pm - love - by notgoth (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

#21222137
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31079) - you deserved it (3048)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by Yeppets (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

#21222166
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27097) - you deserved it (3373)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - Germany (Hessen)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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