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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I almost got lucky with the girl from my course, We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and proceeding to move downwards with my tongue. Whilst moaning my name she decides to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

#21248283
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5007) - you deserved it (462)

On 08/30/2014 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4118) - you deserved it (901)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

#21247999
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8538) - you deserved it (913)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:22pm - kids - by Quincy_Ethan - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a job. My parents have decided it's now a better idea to take money from my paycheck instead of grounding me. FML

#21247996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7804) - you deserved it (1182)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:21pm - money - by employed - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

#21247953
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16145) - you deserved it (1988)

On 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by SCARRED (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16100) - you deserved it (931)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18679) - you deserved it (1128)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

DontClickOnMe's comment : Well, how were you supposed to know. That was kind of a mean prank anyway, but you sound like a great kid. =)

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Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

#21247836
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18695) - you deserved it (4942)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Slough)

GOtllt's comment : Wow, if I were you I'd kill for a new boss.

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Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20618) - you deserved it (1791)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

#21247811
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15872) - you deserved it (6204)

On 08/29/2014 at 11:38am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25612) - you deserved it (2203)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25819) - you deserved it (3365)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Awesomeaxel's comment : just apologize and explain the dream. i mean she will probably still be irritated but at least she knows you didnt do it for fun.

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Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

#21247514
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25682) - you deserved it (4901)

On 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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