Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1300) - you deserved it (130)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

#21281417
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1286) - you deserved it (89)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm - animals - by Why Me - United States (Indiana)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4176) - you deserved it (354)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

#21281210
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4215) - you deserved it (1192)

On 10/19/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5218) - you deserved it (702)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5601) - you deserved it (1344)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

#21281118
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6407) - you deserved it (430)

On 10/19/2014 at 2:19pm - misc - by forgotten (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10474) - you deserved it (21206)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

slamdunkinoreo's comment : I someone sprayed perfume in my face I'd be like wtf.

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Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19037) - you deserved it (2290)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

LostMy_Marbles's comment : At least he isn't scarred over watching the whole ordeal!

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Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

#21280817
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18873) - you deserved it (3201)

On 10/19/2014 at 12:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Dinonick's comment : If you dont care about losing your job, I'd report him for theft

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Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

#21280767
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23047) - you deserved it (1663)

On 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by problems - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22570) - you deserved it (2178)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

#21280619
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20400) - you deserved it (7997)

On 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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