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Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two weeks vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

#21416507
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2580) - you deserved it (175)

On 05/27/2015 at 5:18am - work - by Ouka - Germany

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

#21416484
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6464) - you deserved it (564)

On 05/27/2015 at 2:48am - health - by wrecked - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play : "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

#21416427
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6581) - you deserved it (838)

On 05/27/2015 at 12:29am - animals - by FMLintheanus (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

#21416055
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19102) - you deserved it (1520)

On 05/26/2015 at 12:50pm - money - by Real Life Sucks - United States

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

#21416031
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17734) - you deserved it (1735)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:40am - intimacy - by shitty shit - United States (Indiana)

_kyleG_'s comment : At first, this sounded like she gave you the sex talk in kindergarten... I might be a bad person for this, but THAT would've been funny!

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Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

#21416018
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16429) - you deserved it (1442)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:12am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Nadron's comment : "May thy milk be blessed for thy thirst." Amen.

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Today, after being with my fiance for almost a decade, my future mother-in-law has been accusing me of being a gold digger because we want to buy a house together. She has conveniently forgotten her son was out of work for two years and I supported the both of us. FML

Zebediabolical's comment : Ignore her and buy the house anyway. If she keeps haranguing you, don't invite her to the housewarming.

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Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

#21415900
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9687) - you deserved it (31456)

On 05/26/2015 at 2:54am - money - by stupid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

#21415859
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19900) - you deserved it (1333)

On 05/26/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by meh (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boss admitted she's having an affair. She's married to my brother. FML

#21415827
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21072) - you deserved it (1216)

On 05/25/2015 at 11:50pm - work - by tmi4me - United States

Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML

Today, at work, I dropped two bottles of wine on the floor. Unbelievably, they both didn't break. That, however, did not stop my boss from taking a few points away on my evaluation. My $3 raise is now reduced to $0.25. FML

#21415769
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18554) - you deserved it (2045)

On 05/25/2015 at 10:26pm - work - by A1NoSauce - United States (Florida)



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