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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5423) - you deserved it (1585)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

#21448838
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7503) - you deserved it (467)

On 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm - work - by jlmbull - United States (Michigan)

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

#21448834
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8014) - you deserved it (498)

On 07/28/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by smellslikeahangover - United States (California)

Today, I went to Mayan ruins in Guatemala and I climbed one of the massive temples and after climbing up 91 steep limestone stairs, I fell right back down in front of boatloads of tourists. Oh yeah, I broke 2 ribs too. FML

#21448723
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7896) - you deserved it (846)

On 07/28/2015 at 7:23pm - misc - by max_432 - Belize (Belize)

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

#21448654
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8655) - you deserved it (648)

On 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm - work - by Application - United States (Ohio)

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

#21448605
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7643) - you deserved it (3415)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

#21448563
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16608) - you deserved it (1889)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm - misc - by Oopsie - United States (Vermont)

LifelessStars's comment : I'm sure you've made someone's day extra special.

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

#21448527
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14938) - you deserved it (1287)

On 07/28/2015 at 11:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

mf992s's comment : Take the dog and move away :)

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Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

#21448499
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13908) - you deserved it (796)

On 07/28/2015 at 9:14am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18112) - you deserved it (2474)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

TheRugMan's comment : I bet those are some damn good ritz crackers though

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Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16576) - you deserved it (1829)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19798) - you deserved it (2973)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16964) - you deserved it (1213)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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