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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

#21450122
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1446) - you deserved it (104)

On 07/31/2015 at 5:04pm - love - by single and unbuggered (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

#21450116
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1340) - you deserved it (111)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:48pm - misc - by smf_ds - Portugal (Porto)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1229) - you deserved it (1169)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

#21450074
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10625) - you deserved it (966)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

#21450062
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10793) - you deserved it (849)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9717) - you deserved it (14549)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

sarah5745's comment : Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?

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Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14592) - you deserved it (2620)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

wheresmymary's comment : Maybe you should have your wife explain her side of the story to them

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Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

#21449663
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14073) - you deserved it (1040)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

#21449647
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16754) - you deserved it (1155)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:35pm - kids - by Lonely School Kid - Canada

xorenae's comment : Remember that when you're picking out their nursing home.

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Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

#21449629
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14934) - you deserved it (1187)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:04pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

#21449623
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14695) - you deserved it (1033)

On 07/30/2015 at 5:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

#21449578
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17539) - you deserved it (1363)

On 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)



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