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Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML

#21304749
3 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49) - you deserved it (6)

On 11/23/2014 at 8:59pm - work - by StomachofTinfoil (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

#21304482
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2235) - you deserved it (742)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:22pm - misc - by college student - United States (Ohio)

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

#21304463
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3154) - you deserved it (378)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20431) - you deserved it (1092)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

devildog562's comment : Go to the store get a mask, wait until they fall asleep, then wake them up with bright lights and creepy voices.

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Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16242) - you deserved it (1784)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

nunn245's comment : I can now say I've heard that phrase in the literal sense

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Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

#21304373
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14964) - you deserved it (1285)

On 11/23/2014 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

#21304340
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14145) - you deserved it (1088)

On 11/23/2014 at 5:27am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the Salvation Army stationed one of their obnoxious bell-ringers in the mall right outside my store. My employees and I can wave goodbye to any form of sanity for the next month. FML

#21304339
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16240) - you deserved it (2841)

On 11/23/2014 at 5:03am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally called my boss 'mom'. Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

#21304319
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18193) - you deserved it (2198)

On 11/23/2014 at 3:31am - work - by naladetet - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realised I never put the ring inside the box. FML

#21304265
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21270) - you deserved it (9156)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:10am - misc - by KilledTheMoment - United States (Illinois)

Hiimhaileypotter's comment : How... how could you make that mistake?

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Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

#21304109
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21679) - you deserved it (2049)

On 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

#21304063
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20717) - you deserved it (3438)

On 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

#21303975
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21507) - you deserved it (1759)

On 11/22/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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