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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

#21367801
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1215) - you deserved it (101)

On 03/04/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Highnapple - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

#21367736
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4704) - you deserved it (1514)

On 03/04/2015 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was expecting a card from my husband stationed in Japan, but he mailed it to my mom. Since I'm busy and don't see her much, she tried to help by mailing it to me. It's long overdue, and the post office never got it. The card came from Japan, only to get lost traveling from 30 minutes away. FML

#21367657
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7434) - you deserved it (602)

On 03/03/2015 at 10:54pm - misc - by snailmail - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

#21367600
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7332) - you deserved it (1663)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:35pm - misc - by notdrivinganytimesoon (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. They spent five minutes explaining job duties and I listened with anticipation. Then they spent five minutes explaining why I wasn't the right person for the job. FML

#21367505
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8158) - you deserved it (567)

On 03/03/2015 at 7:28pm - work - by Kali (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

#21367402
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9270) - you deserved it (871)

On 03/03/2015 at 5:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

#21367306
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8984) - you deserved it (638)

On 03/03/2015 at 2:06pm - work - by miewann - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML

#21367245
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22800) - you deserved it (1501)

On 03/03/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by WeAllHateHimNow - United States (Michigan)

flufee2's comment : I guess he didnt ACT accordingly

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Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

#21367239
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15807) - you deserved it (5581)

On 03/03/2015 at 12:18pm - work - by badtiming (woman) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

#21367193
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19306) - you deserved it (1421)

On 03/03/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by Hi-Tech (woman) - Europe

boating_guy's comment : Yikes. Ask for it back so you can get all the old data from it! I'm sure any reasonable person would oblige

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Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

#21367159
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22444) - you deserved it (1335)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:01am - misc - by definatelynotamurderer (man) - United Kingdom

starlandmarie's comment : I always walk up to possible murderers and ask them about their newspaper appearance.

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Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML

#21367147
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20600) - you deserved it (1733)

On 03/03/2015 at 8:14am - kids - by Mommycakes (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

#21367104
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21801) - you deserved it (1906)

On 03/03/2015 at 5:41am - misc - by Banana_Lord - United Kingdom (Fife)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

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