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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1845) - you deserved it (103)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1412) - you deserved it (174)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

#21304373
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3451) - you deserved it (301)

On 11/23/2014 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

#21304340
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3270) - you deserved it (255)

On 11/23/2014 at 5:27am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the Salvation Army stationed one of their obnoxious bell-ringers in the mall right outside my store. My employees and I can wave goodbye to any form of sanity for the next month. FML

#21304339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8843) - you deserved it (1515)

On 11/23/2014 at 5:03am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally called my boss 'mom'. Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

#21304319
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9858) - you deserved it (1199)

On 11/23/2014 at 3:31am - work - by naladetet - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realised I never put the ring inside the box. FML

#21304265
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14791) - you deserved it (6342)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:10am - misc - by KilledTheMoment - United States (Illinois)

Hiimhaileypotter's comment : How... how could you make that mistake?

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Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

#21304109
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15211) - you deserved it (1421)

On 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

#21304063
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15511) - you deserved it (2598)

On 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

#21303975
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16169) - you deserved it (1280)

On 11/22/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

#21303913
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15590) - you deserved it (1159)

On 11/22/2014 at 1:37pm - kids - by uterurist (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

#21303901
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23119) - you deserved it (2574)

On 11/22/2014 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Kilkenny)

cherries62212's comment : And next time he wants it.. don't give it him. tell him you're bored half way in. etc. fire with fire baby.

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Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

#21303819
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20673) - you deserved it (2401)

On 11/22/2014 at 10:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)



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