Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I found out my son likes to pee in the shower. He stated, "It's okay because dad pees in the sink!" I'm living with a bunch of bears. FML

#21363816
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12540) - you deserved it (1710)

On 02/26/2015 at 6:24am - kids - by showerlover (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

kittykath32's comment : There are two types of people: those who pee in the shower and liars.

See all the comments →

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

#21363801
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13923) - you deserved it (4405) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2015 at 2:35am - love - by ManchotDesAndes - Sent from mobile version

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

#21363653
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13465) - you deserved it (2723)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm - misc - by fredi - Australia (New South Wales)

clumsylobster's comment : How the heck does it get down there? Open your butt and face the cannon?

See all the comments →

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14356) - you deserved it (1630)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Queensland's comment : And you just... Let him hump your leg?

See all the comments →

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

#21363530
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14497) - you deserved it (1084)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14706) - you deserved it (1492)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

#21363273
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20515) - you deserved it (1362)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21848) - you deserved it (1692)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

#21363220
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22555) - you deserved it (1923)

On 02/25/2015 at 9:18am - work - by mags89 - United States

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

#21363187
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20673) - you deserved it (1791)

On 02/25/2015 at 6:51am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

#21363177
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18375) - you deserved it (8591)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was given my yearly evaluation as a cake decorator at Walmart. They said I "was easily the best decorator there" and "the bakery has definitely improved since I got there." In the same conversation they put "unsatisfactory" on my evaluation and denied my raise. FML

Today, I T-boned a woman who pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. According to her, the accident was my fault because she "didn't see" me. FML



FML's blog

  • FML's badges: pointless but essential!
  • If you're a regular on FML, it probably means that you're a member. Whatcha mean you're not a member? Right, for a start, run along and create yourself an account. Doing so will allow you to comment on…

Monday 23 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: