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Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4465) - you deserved it (6955)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

alexishbu's comment : stop being a bitch about it. you slept with him and left your wallet. he could've taken your stuff, but instead he's being nice about it

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Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

#21405584
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2703) - you deserved it (9132)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:34am - work - by Freelman - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

#21405568
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13836) - you deserved it (1281)

On 05/06/2015 at 9:36am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

praesidiem's comment : "Dear, Ellen. My mother is so obsessed with you, that she is ignoring her offspring, simply because I won't send you a letter. So here is my letter, please allow me on your show without my mom. Ps I think you're great. Love, OP"

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Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

#21405555
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14857) - you deserved it (1412)

On 05/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by anon - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared, because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

#21405471
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15983) - you deserved it (1385) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/06/2015 at 1:24am - love - by Anonymous - France

WCARlover's comment : Dang I wish you could predict your period down to the exact hour...that would be super handy.

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Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16361) - you deserved it (1941)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

#21405437
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15946) - you deserved it (1874)

On 05/06/2015 at 12:13am - misc - by msleea - United States (California)

Today, the cops showed up at our door at 11 pm. Apparently, our neighbours thought I was being abused because they heard high-pitched screaming for 45 minutes straight. Little did they know our 6-month-old baby screams when she's happy. Loudly. FML

Today, I went to surprise my mom by visiting her in the hospital. I brought her roses too, because I know she likes flowers. When I got there and gave her them, she said, "Wow. Roses." followed by, "David actually brings flowers I like." David's my brother. Now I know who's the favorite child. FML

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

#21405167
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17693) - you deserved it (2028)

On 05/05/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20523) - you deserved it (7661)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realised I've been depressed about my recent break up for longer than the relationship even lasted. FML

#21405104
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20492) - you deserved it (3878)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:09pm - love - by lonely - United Kingdom (Leicester)



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