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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

#21415477
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10939) - you deserved it (2886)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

#21415473
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14158) - you deserved it (1035)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

theTravinator's comment : Just ignore her, she can't do anything about it and it's her own damn fault

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Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

#21415404
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12633) - you deserved it (775)

On 05/25/2015 at 7:39am - health - by Hooperist (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

igg125's comment : He was either drunk or is a pervert.

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Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

#21415194
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17732) - you deserved it (1303)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:59pm - misc - by Party Pooper - United States

mukduk's comment : Wow, that is extremely inconsiderate. They couldn't wait a day?

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Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16785) - you deserved it (6681)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17246) - you deserved it (2535)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16893) - you deserved it (4490)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

#21414914
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18927) - you deserved it (1677)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24216) - you deserved it (1509)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

#21414880
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20049) - you deserved it (1777)

On 05/24/2015 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML



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