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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

#21249322
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2140) - you deserved it (154)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

#21249316
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1955) - you deserved it (145)

On 08/31/2014 at 9:56pm - work - by dining - United States (Iowa)

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

#21249182
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2054) - you deserved it (140)

On 08/31/2014 at 5:51pm - work - by Happy Employee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

#21249110
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14958) - you deserved it (1624)

On 08/31/2014 at 3:27pm - kids - by TheFatOne - United States

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

#21249089
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17520) - you deserved it (1416)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom (Coventry)

expertsmilee's comment : Sell it to a white person.

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Today, I felt so overwhelmed by all the kids in my house that I sat in the bathroom alone for a while to get some peace. I sat on the toilet for so long that I started to pee, realizing too late that the seat was down, and that I was also quite overdressed for the occasion. FML

#21249067
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14408) - you deserved it (4357)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by SunshineSquared (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

#21249060
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14934) - you deserved it (1343)

On 08/31/2014 at 1:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19882) - you deserved it (1986)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Dodge4x4Ram's comment : baby steps are crucial when it's the 1st time

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Today, my son ran up to me holding out his hand and crying about an "owie". I quickly kissed it better to get him to calm down before I checked it out. I didn't have to look to figure out that he wasn't crying over being hurt, he was upset over the large amount of poop on his hands. FML

#21248882
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18751) - you deserved it (5533)

On 08/31/2014 at 3:22am - kids - by motherslove (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

#21248639
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20160) - you deserved it (4938)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

namine120409's comment : If you punch him in the face, those tampons in his nose would become much more useful.

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Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

#21248448
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21988) - you deserved it (3982)

On 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm - misc - by liilii (man) - India (Kerala)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23199) - you deserved it (1877)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29979) - you deserved it (6799)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)



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