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Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

#21281639
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2223) - you deserved it (264)

On 10/20/2014 at 7:59am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2391) - you deserved it (210)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11248) - you deserved it (831)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

#21281594
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9652) - you deserved it (1698)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:31am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while doing physical therapy exercises for my broken leg, I managed to throw my back out. Now I can neither walk nor sit up. FML

#21281586
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10156) - you deserved it (827)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:00am - health - by cray12 - United States

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12026) - you deserved it (816)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12728) - you deserved it (1538)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

#21281417
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12033) - you deserved it (898)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm - animals - by Why Me - United States (Indiana)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14846) - you deserved it (1377)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

#21281210
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11995) - you deserved it (3792)

On 10/19/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14349) - you deserved it (2141)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13889) - you deserved it (3512)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

garrett_8614's comment : You: 0 You: 1 wait a minute.....

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Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

#21281118
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15263) - you deserved it (1076)

On 10/19/2014 at 2:19pm - misc - by forgotten (woman) - United States (California)



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Friday 17 October 2014

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