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Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

#21281960
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (331) - you deserved it (17)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:07pm - work - by sushipanda9 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2162) - you deserved it (147)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

#21281679
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17865) - you deserved it (1165)

On 10/20/2014 at 11:03am - work - by Chansus10 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18577) - you deserved it (1426)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22818) - you deserved it (1826)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

#21281594
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19609) - you deserved it (3475)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:31am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

rocker_chick23's comment : She needs professional help.

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Today, while doing physical therapy exercises for my broken leg, I managed to throw my back out. Now I can neither walk nor sit up. FML

#21281586
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19282) - you deserved it (1588)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:00am - health - by cray12 - United States

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21111) - you deserved it (1481)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21163) - you deserved it (2668)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

karatekid97's comment : You've got to be kitten me.

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Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

#21281417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19936) - you deserved it (1519)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm - animals - by Why Me - United States (Indiana)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22858) - you deserved it (2183)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)



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