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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2477) - you deserved it (361)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2086) - you deserved it (168)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. I went to whisper in her ear, when my body decided it would be funny to suddenly get hiccups. My hiccup burst her eardrum. FML

#21448262
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4931) - you deserved it (461)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:20pm - love - by Hicoops (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5453) - you deserved it (421)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14796) - you deserved it (1308)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14397) - you deserved it (1350)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

hussamhasi's comment : They will always find excuses .. My ex girlfriend broke up with me because marriage was going to be hard for us , we were 16 .. No sense

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Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

#21448024
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15869) - you deserved it (1102)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Bricktothehead's comment : Well, it's a legitimate question?

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Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

#21447950
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18816) - you deserved it (1240)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

NicoleP1993's comment : Run as fast as you can to the nearest bookstore and buy her something actually useful. Before your sister thinks parenting is supposed to come with a shitton of drama..

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Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

#21447917
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17639) - you deserved it (3371)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16422) - you deserved it (3186)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, I found out why my girlfriend was so excited to get to see me. She finally got to end the relationship she didn't want anymore. FML

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

#21447771
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18768) - you deserved it (1062)

On 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm - money - by stonehengeva - United States (Virginia)



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