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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

#21247953
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3615) - you deserved it (422)

On 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by SCARRED (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3661) - you deserved it (234)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4142) - you deserved it (255)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

#21247836
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8769) - you deserved it (2344)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12563) - you deserved it (1034)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

#21247811
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9622) - you deserved it (3732)

On 08/29/2014 at 11:38am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20365) - you deserved it (1728)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21576) - you deserved it (2714)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Awesomeaxel's comment : just apologize and explain the dream. i mean she will probably still be irritated but at least she knows you didnt do it for fun.

See all the comments →

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

#21247514
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22139) - you deserved it (4173)

On 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

#21247445
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21350) - you deserved it (2696)

On 08/28/2014 at 9:47pm - love - by ch4nny (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

#21247337
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26927) - you deserved it (1692)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:39pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25097) - you deserved it (1923)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25197) - you deserved it (1812)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico



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