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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. fml

#21462428
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (561) - you deserved it (44)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:20am - work - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed a empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

#21462394
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (534) - you deserved it (43)

On 08/30/2015 at 12:49am - misc - by Failed Artist - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mom saw a picture of the moon and asked me what "those big spots" were. She actually thought the craters were continents and tried correcting me when I told her what they were. Then I almost got into trouble for being disrespectful. FML

#21462353
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (554) - you deserved it (34)

On 08/29/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by bornfromhillbillies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

#21462289
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2867) - you deserved it (233)

On 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3283) - you deserved it (253)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

#21462179
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6132) - you deserved it (416)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm - love - by babypenguin00 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

#21462173
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5540) - you deserved it (521)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

#21462126
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5239) - you deserved it (448)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:13pm - work - by thegrandchawhee - United States (Washington)

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

#21462123
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5234) - you deserved it (380)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

#21462073
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14796) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/29/2015 at 10:06am - misc - by Lord Buttfuck IV (man) - France

carl_carl_'s comment : Your mom needs to let up. That's ridiculous

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Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

#21462064
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12707) - you deserved it (892)

On 08/29/2015 at 9:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

#21462044
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15425) - you deserved it (959)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

KeannaLove's comment : I will never understand how people can take suicide so lightly. She sounds like an awful person all around. You're better off OP.

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Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

#21462016
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17730) - you deserved it (1203)

On 08/29/2015 at 4:50am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

dezman2000's comment : You should follow this FML up in a couple of weeks, just so we know that you didn't follow in your doctor's footsteps.

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