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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

#21307548
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (703) - you deserved it (85)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by bullah007 (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML

#21307526
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (633) - you deserved it (258)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:07pm - kids - by Ruinedchristmas (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

#21307515
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6756) - you deserved it (1272)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:27pm - work - by I'm so wet, baby - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

#21307507
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6674) - you deserved it (764)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation,, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

#21307421
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12755) - you deserved it (1114)

On 11/28/2014 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

#21307360
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15097) - you deserved it (1178)

On 11/28/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by stampslife - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

#21307273
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14287) - you deserved it (1349)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by mainlineloser (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22510) - you deserved it (1919)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Googolman's comment : Maybe it was her way of saying thanks.

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Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21741) - you deserved it (2048)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realised I was far too attached to my duvet. Literally. I just got a large tattoo on my back, and my duvet somehow stuck to my skin during the night and formed part of the scab. I now have the joy of deciding whether to tear it off fast or peel it away slowly. FML

#21306764
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17102) - you deserved it (3787)

On 11/27/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Dramori -

MsKatieFace's comment : I wouldn't do either. Get a spray bottle of water and wet it, hopefully that will detach it but don't rip it off, picking/pulling off the scabs can pull out the ink, and damage the tattoo.

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Today, I farted while asking a girl out to dinner. FML

#21306727
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21939) - you deserved it (4296)

On 11/27/2014 at 10:13am - love - by fart - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML



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