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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

#21319192
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6067) - you deserved it (337)

On 12/17/2014 at 3:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4713) - you deserved it (796)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

#21319043
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4890) - you deserved it (295)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

#21319039
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14420) - you deserved it (1256)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:33am - misc - by seriously - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

#21318970
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13779) - you deserved it (1156)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

#21318917
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14215) - you deserved it (4571) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/17/2014 at 12:29am - intimacy - by marie0908 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

#21318814
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15851) - you deserved it (2361)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:31pm - work - by thankssomuch - United States (Maine)

IAmzephyr's comment : so he fired your boyfriend and not you? maybe it was for another reason?

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Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

#21318762
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17618) - you deserved it (1270)

On 12/16/2014 at 9:11pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18046) - you deserved it (3479)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

HereNReady's comment : You shall have your revenge...?

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Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14461) - you deserved it (18643)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

karaaa_xo's comment : Well that's one tenant that will never vacate the premises...

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Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18100) - you deserved it (4266)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

#21318538
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17327) - you deserved it (1666)

On 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

#21318499
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21324) - you deserved it (1503)

On 12/16/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by shit_fer_luck (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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