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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, at a baseball game, I smiled and waved at the little girl in front of me. She cried. FML

#21449245
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1476) - you deserved it (135)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:42pm - kids - by Liamj774 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2833) - you deserved it (170)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

#21449086
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2474) - you deserved it (375)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:40pm - work - by jobless and broke - United States (Arizona)

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

#21449052
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3567) - you deserved it (228)

On 07/29/2015 at 1:07pm - misc - by roselysunset (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

#21449050
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13574) - you deserved it (761)

On 07/29/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by HF44 (man) - United States (California)

Miss_Chevious's comment : Talk about monster in law...

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Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

#21449035
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14008) - you deserved it (1136)

On 07/29/2015 at 11:30am - money - by fukingtigans (man) - Croatia (Zadarska)

axfabxdisaster's comment : Do you have security cameras or did they take that too?

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Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

#21449022
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11638) - you deserved it (5658)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:41am - misc - by fack (man) - United States (California)

Bojack's comment : Care to share whatever it is you're smoking OP?

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Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

#21448997
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11869) - you deserved it (1180)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16632) - you deserved it (5359)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

#21448838
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18255) - you deserved it (1151)

On 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm - work - by jlmbull - United States (Michigan)

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

#21448834
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17592) - you deserved it (1093)

On 07/28/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by smellslikeahangover - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

#21448654
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (1352)

On 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm - work - by Application - United States (Ohio)

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

#21448605
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15013) - you deserved it (6249)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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