Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

#21464284
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2344) - you deserved it (240)

On 09/03/2015 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML

#21464273
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4578) - you deserved it (463)

On 09/03/2015 at 9:06pm - kids - by whoevenncares - United States

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

#21464255
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5843) - you deserved it (1604)

On 09/03/2015 at 7:31pm - love - by bestgirlfriend (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockton-on-Tees)

alphafish17's comment : If your own father thinks you're a bad influence it might be time to rethink some of your choices

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Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML

#21464212
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7767) - you deserved it (515)

On 09/03/2015 at 5:14pm - animals - by Imissyou (woman) - United States (Arizona)

marcranger's comment : Of course the cat won't answer the door. He doesn't have opposable thumbs. Sorry to hear that, OP. Can you get the police involved?

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Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

#21464190
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7322) - you deserved it (3244)

On 09/03/2015 at 4:14pm - misc - by stupidrobot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

#21464185
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14811) - you deserved it (857)

On 09/03/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Why - United States (California)

jeepers_1's comment : the bank shouldn't let her anyway. Tell them that every time someone comes in to cash a cheque under your name that they have to take ID. That's part of the reason many banks won't take third party cheques anymore. Also your mother could end up paying a hefty fine/go to jail for her actions.

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Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

#21464117
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13217) - you deserved it (1834)

On 09/03/2015 at 12:30pm - misc - by kp - United States

Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

#21463971
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16631) - you deserved it (1226)

On 09/02/2015 at 11:37pm - work - by ihatemyjob - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

#21463927
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15803) - you deserved it (1312)

On 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm - animals - by pansypup - United States (New Mexico)

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

#21463909
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17941) - you deserved it (1013)

On 09/02/2015 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

#21463887
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16444) - you deserved it (1644)

On 09/02/2015 at 8:32pm - kids - by girl on fire (woman) -

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

#21463837
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16648) - you deserved it (1227)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Hooty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I brought home a new small glass necklace and put it somewhere I figured that the cats couldn't reach. I was wrong. Now I will be looking through kitty litter to find something smaller than a dime. Talk about needle in a haystack. FML

#21463835
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13504) - you deserved it (2044)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:39pm - animals - by Shay (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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