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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

#21268536
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (742) - you deserved it (159)

On 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

#21268378
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16133) - you deserved it (4554)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

bluebellchimes's comment : It is a sign from the gods to switch to android.

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Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

#21268375
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16746) - you deserved it (1073)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:46pm - health - by Tampax - Spain (Castilla-La Mancha)

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

#21268339
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17588) - you deserved it (1557)

On 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

#21268173
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22718) - you deserved it (2689) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/29/2014 at 11:08pm - kids - by super maman - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

#21267969
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14219) - you deserved it (21109)

On 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by KasSmoke - United States (Texas)

Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML

#21267816
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23149) - you deserved it (3519)

On 09/29/2014 at 6:04pm - love - by inmycar - United States (New York)

xlord's comment : To the people that are all commenting about not understanding why; it's that a home can feel big and empty. Also that homes are generally seen as having multiple people in them. Whereas it is 'perfectly normal' for a person to be by themselves in a car The OP doesn't want to go home and face the realization that they're all alone, possibly with no family, friends and/or loved ones

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Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

#21267748
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28499) - you deserved it (2519)

On 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

LittleBells's comment : It has to be better than their Chocolate Pudding I suppose

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Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

#21267650
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30133) - you deserved it (2821)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:48pm - health - by impure - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

#21267623
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26222) - you deserved it (4251)

On 09/29/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24565) - you deserved it (2998)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML

#21267417
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23350) - you deserved it (3768)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:31am - misc - by SystemofaBlink41 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (2694)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)



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