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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

#21451813
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4019) - you deserved it (319)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm - animals - by whydoihavecats - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML

#21451804
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3811) - you deserved it (437)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:06pm - work - by ksa (man) - Poland (Slaskie)

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

#21451761
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3981) - you deserved it (256)

On 08/04/2015 at 1:02pm - work - by Mmorgan771 - United States (Florida)

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

#21451712
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10138) - you deserved it (6640)

On 08/04/2015 at 9:31am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML

#21451692
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11759) - you deserved it (1176)

On 08/04/2015 at 7:59am - misc - by elizio (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

#21451650
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10306) - you deserved it (3036)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:33am - love - by that girl has a beard - Canada

TheNiceOne's comment : Op, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that it was probably really really dark in there at the time.

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Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

#21451593
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13300) - you deserved it (938)

On 08/04/2015 at 12:23am - misc - by MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

achoo123's comment : Next time make her sit in the back, just don't let her drive with you at all.

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Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML

#21451571
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12521) - you deserved it (2150)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:26pm - misc - by 18emikot - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

#21451556
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14008) - you deserved it (959)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm - work - by eventer1919 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I also needed to add, "Does not currently live in a psychiatric hospital, after being declared 'Not criminally responsible for a crime'" to my list of qualities that I want in a man. FML

#21451515
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12740) - you deserved it (1187)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:43pm - love - by whyyyyyme (woman) - Canada

UncleCaitlyn's comment : Another impossible standard for men

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Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

#21451505
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14045) - you deserved it (1104)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was at a bar. When asked if I wanted a refill of my coffee, I said yes, and moved the cup from my lap to the counter. As I did this, the waitress spilled hot coffee right into my crotch. FML

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

#21451285
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18914) - you deserved it (9552)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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