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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML

#21319326
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5911) - you deserved it (264)

On 12/17/2014 at 7:48pm - misc - by drbckflps (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

#21319263
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3708) - you deserved it (1453)

On 12/17/2014 at 5:41pm - health - by Recovering Alcoholic - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

#21319192
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16425) - you deserved it (962)

On 12/17/2014 at 3:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Liyuesigs's comment : Which pain is worse? Your wife or the appendix?

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Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12696) - you deserved it (2343)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

#21319043
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13125) - you deserved it (844)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

#21319039
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19282) - you deserved it (1754)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:33am - misc - by seriously - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

#21318970
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18388) - you deserved it (1575)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

#21318917
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17815) - you deserved it (5762) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/17/2014 at 12:29am - intimacy - by marie0908 - France (Aquitaine)

lumisokaisi's comment : Fun for the whole family!

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Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

#21318814
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19596) - you deserved it (2976)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:31pm - work - by thankssomuch - United States (Maine)

IAmzephyr's comment : so he fired your boyfriend and not you? maybe it was for another reason?

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Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

#21318762
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (1561)

On 12/16/2014 at 9:11pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21967) - you deserved it (4242)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16644) - you deserved it (21599)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20643) - you deserved it (4842)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)



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