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Man or woman?

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

#21268618
2 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121) - you deserved it (36)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:20pm - work - by oopsydaisy (woman) - United States

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

#21268609
4 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125) - you deserved it (8)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:05pm - misc - by Hi, I'm Heather - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

#21268536
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3161) - you deserved it (720)

On 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

#21268378
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17516) - you deserved it (5111)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

bluebellchimes's comment : It is a sign from the gods to switch to android.

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Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

#21268375
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18279) - you deserved it (1183)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:46pm - health - by Tampax - Spain (Castilla-La Mancha)

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

#21268339
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19202) - you deserved it (1705)

On 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

#21268173
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (2798) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/29/2014 at 11:08pm - kids - by super maman - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

#21267969
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14635) - you deserved it (21766)

On 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by KasSmoke - United States (Texas)

Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML

#21267816
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23730) - you deserved it (3617)

On 09/29/2014 at 6:04pm - love - by inmycar - United States (New York)

xlord's comment : To the people that are all commenting about not understanding why; it's that a home can feel big and empty. Also that homes are generally seen as having multiple people in them. Whereas it is 'perfectly normal' for a person to be by themselves in a car The OP doesn't want to go home and face the realization that they're all alone, possibly with no family, friends and/or loved ones

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Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

#21267748
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28874) - you deserved it (2553)

On 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

LittleBells's comment : It has to be better than their Chocolate Pudding I suppose

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Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

#21267650
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30557) - you deserved it (2858)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:48pm - health - by impure - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

#21267623
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26576) - you deserved it (4305)

On 09/29/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24819) - you deserved it (3037)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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