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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97) - you deserved it (90)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I burned several hundred calories: I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven. FML

#21288420
4 comments

I agree, your life sucks (129) - you deserved it (33)

On 10/30/2014 at 11:16am - misc - by SoarVag - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

#21288322
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11843) - you deserved it (815)

On 10/30/2014 at 10:15am - misc - by ineedsleep (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML

#21288212
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12056) - you deserved it (1309)

On 10/30/2014 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried approaching this cute girl. She quickly picked up the nearest calculator and started talking into it, in a desperate act to seem busy. FML

#21288185
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14732) - you deserved it (1499)

On 10/30/2014 at 1:38am - love - by 41yearoldvirgin - United States (California)

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

#21288116
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18648) - you deserved it (1220)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:58pm - misc - by thealaskanyoung - United States (Indiana)

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

#21288043
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16944) - you deserved it (2457)

On 10/29/2014 at 10:41pm - work - by OfficeFatty - United States

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

#21287735
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21917) - you deserved it (2114)

On 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm - kids - by lexigan4 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

#21287659
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22045) - you deserved it (2826)

On 10/29/2014 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

TechnicallyWrong's comment : Kidnapping happens all of the time. You never know, be happy with your dad because he obviously loves you.

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Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

#21287630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22746) - you deserved it (1749)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:46am - work - by fired tomoz (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

devildog562's comment : Sounds like you may be better off . At least you co worker sounds like a teenager not a professional.

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Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

#21287621
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29505) - you deserved it (2111)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:24am - misc - by carless - United States

Today, my little sister decided to color-in my favorite black-and-white comic book. It was worth over $200. When I told my mother, she said, "Oh that old thing? I thought it was a stupid coloring book you were too stupid to color." FML

Micah_Nobot's comment : Completely rude and ignorant of them sorry OP

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Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

#21287500
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26108) - you deserved it (4938)

On 10/29/2014 at 4:19am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)



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