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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

#21249322
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4559) - you deserved it (303)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

#21249316
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4199) - you deserved it (286)

On 08/31/2014 at 9:56pm - work - by dining - United States (Iowa)

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

#21249182
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4369) - you deserved it (265)

On 08/31/2014 at 5:51pm - work - by Happy Employee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

#21249110
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16660) - you deserved it (1811)

On 08/31/2014 at 3:27pm - kids - by TheFatOne - United States

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

#21249089
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19669) - you deserved it (1571)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom (Coventry)

expertsmilee's comment : Sell it to a white person.

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Today, I felt so overwhelmed by all the kids in my house that I sat in the bathroom alone for a while to get some peace. I sat on the toilet for so long that I started to pee, realizing too late that the seat was down, and that I was also quite overdressed for the occasion. FML

#21249067
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15842) - you deserved it (4855)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by SunshineSquared (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

#21249060
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16399) - you deserved it (1448)

On 08/31/2014 at 1:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21281) - you deserved it (2139)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Dodge4x4Ram's comment : baby steps are crucial when it's the 1st time

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Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

#21248639
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20985) - you deserved it (5139)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

namine120409's comment : If you punch him in the face, those tampons in his nose would become much more useful.

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Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

#21248448
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22468) - you deserved it (4095)

On 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm - misc - by liilii (man) - India (Kerala)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23728) - you deserved it (1932)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30414) - you deserved it (6928)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

#21248318
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30683) - you deserved it (2415)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)



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