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Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

#21259933
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4063) - you deserved it (253)

On 09/17/2014 at 8:18am - misc - by makeyourselfathome (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Everytime I'm with my brother I think about him, and everytime I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

#21259922
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3944) - you deserved it (350)

On 09/17/2014 at 7:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I tried to scare what I thought was a stray cat away from my friends car in our work parking garage by hitting the panic button on his keys, which did, indeed, make the creature panic. That's when I learned it was not a cat. It was a skunk. FML

#21259755
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7977) - you deserved it (2939)

On 09/16/2014 at 11:18pm - animals - by blazon_paradox (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. After lighting sparklers on the cake and singing happy birthday, we all enjoyed a few moments of sparkly, happy fun time. Then the building's fire alarm tripped and over 200 people had to be evacuated. FML

#21259630
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8172) - you deserved it (892)

On 09/16/2014 at 7:23pm - work - by so so old now (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had a conversation with a girl I don't normally talk to. She ended up saying I'm "not as annoying as everyone says." and "Oh... you didn't know?" FML

#21259544
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9678) - you deserved it (802)

On 09/16/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

#21259489
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9924) - you deserved it (883)

On 09/16/2014 at 2:46pm - animals - by furryfriend (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

#21259479
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17349) - you deserved it (3757)

On 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Pandaburr1's comment : No girl is attractive until they're legal... that rule will keep you out of jail

See all the comments →

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

#21259449
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16899) - you deserved it (1834)

On 09/16/2014 at 1:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

#21259403
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12887) - you deserved it (1835)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:20pm - health - by I need a new ballsack. (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23667) - you deserved it (1940)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

#21259366
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23874) - you deserved it (1518)

On 09/16/2014 at 10:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

RamyunT's comment : Some cops are just judgmental people. Sorry to hear that they didn't believe you, hope they realized and got your stuff back.

See all the comments →

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

#21259221
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22963) - you deserved it (1898)

On 09/16/2014 at 1:04am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

NYM88's comment : Guess who's getting free groceries tonight!

See all the comments →

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

#21259205
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20777) - you deserved it (2918)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:31am - kids - by HeIsKindaRightTho (woman) - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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