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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3869) - you deserved it (5090)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

#21449841
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5977) - you deserved it (366)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:36am - work - by StargazeKitsune (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6304) - you deserved it (999)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

#21449663
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7725) - you deserved it (548)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

#21449647
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9735) - you deserved it (675)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:35pm - kids - by Lonely School Kid - Canada

xorenae's comment : Remember that when you're picking out their nursing home.

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Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

#21449629
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9100) - you deserved it (699)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:04pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

#21449623
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8988) - you deserved it (629)

On 07/30/2015 at 5:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

#21449578
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11563) - you deserved it (873)

On 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

ford_chick_22's comment : My question is why were you looking in that part of craigslist?

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Today, I was detained for trying to "illegally enter" my house, all because my parents forgot to tell me they were being evicted. FML

#21449546
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16861) - you deserved it (934)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:38pm - misc - by College_Grad (woman) -

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

#21449535
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15139) - you deserved it (1344)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:22pm - kids - by GidleyWife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

#21449508
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15454) - you deserved it (960)

On 07/30/2015 at 11:30am - health - by WhatTheFuck - United States (Illinois)

Yazoo77's comment : Buy your grandma a different brand and tell her it's organic.

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Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

#21449387
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18991) - you deserved it (1587)

On 07/30/2015 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

#21449270
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18175) - you deserved it (5157)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:34pm - intimacy - by RuasaLove - United States (New Jersey)



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