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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

#21396226
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4220) - you deserved it (401)

On 04/19/2015 at 1:09pm - animals - by woof? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

#21396211
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4402) - you deserved it (619)

On 04/19/2015 at 12:34pm - love - by leonuniz (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3881) - you deserved it (957)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

#21396154
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5761) - you deserved it (515)

On 04/19/2015 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

#21396139
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5783) - you deserved it (579)

On 04/19/2015 at 9:08am - misc - by Anunimos (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML

#21395896
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14602) - you deserved it (1346)

On 04/18/2015 at 9:03pm - love - by socialix - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

#21395867
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15407) - you deserved it (1556)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

#21395798
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13725) - you deserved it (2123)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm - animals - by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

#21395729
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16994) - you deserved it (6185)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

patrickalamo's comment : Brush and floss twice a day...

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Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

#21395685
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14457) - you deserved it (17245)

On 04/18/2015 at 10:38am - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Welshite's comment : Wrap yourself in Christmas paper and sit outside her porch. It's a flawless plan. Bonus points if you are wearing a Santa Claus suit.

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Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24403) - you deserved it (3192)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

gunnerblaster's comment : Crazy stuff but wtf are you doing, reading other people's journals?

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Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

#21395531
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20068) - you deserved it (1709)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by assault and imnotracistbuttery (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

#21395495
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22044) - you deserved it (1440)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm - health - by khaoslife - United States (Kentucky)



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