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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

#21246432
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7243) - you deserved it (1726)

On 08/27/2014 at 1:19pm - misc - by spark - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, I tried to contact my college's financial aid office. After listening to the same damn "Our counselors are busy" message for over an hour, someone picked up the phone and hung up immediately. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

#21246190
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17506) - you deserved it (2232)

On 08/27/2014 at 12:56am - love - by Iamthatgirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9165) - you deserved it (19997)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

captainsmegma's comment : Well now don't you feel like a complete douche bag.

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Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

#21246120
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21120) - you deserved it (2154)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:02pm - misc - by WowOuch - United States (Texas)

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

#21245941
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18063) - you deserved it (2077)

On 08/26/2014 at 6:55pm - misc - by Lika1712 (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

#21245913
73 comments

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21372) - you deserved it (3670)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

#21245803
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22885) - you deserved it (1341)

On 08/26/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, it's my fourth day of my trip to the USA. I've actually started keeping count of the number of times people get confused because I was born in South Africa and yet am not black. Current count: 9. FML

#21245756
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29280) - you deserved it (2540)

On 08/26/2014 at 12:22pm - misc - by WTF, guys? - United States (California)

Nederlander95's comment : I'm actually kind of surprised it's ONLY nine.

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Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

#21245733
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29103) - you deserved it (2593)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

AWiseChicken's comment : Bitch cray

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Today, I was fixing the plumbing at my father-in-law's house. I told him to shut off the water and yell to me when he did. A few minutes later, I heard a yell and removed the pipe. I was met with a face full of water. Turns out he was just very excited when the Rangers beat the Mariners. FML

#21245661
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27133) - you deserved it (2510)

On 08/26/2014 at 7:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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