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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML

#21450211
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3443) - you deserved it (332)

On 07/31/2015 at 10:31pm - animals - by C_Ramirez1695 - United States (Texas)

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

#21450146
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3608) - you deserved it (233)

On 07/31/2015 at 6:56pm - work - by LexiD19 (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

#21450122
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7345) - you deserved it (534)

On 07/31/2015 at 5:04pm - love - by single and unbuggered (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

#21450116
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6838) - you deserved it (542)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:48pm - misc - by smf_ds - Portugal (Porto)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5182) - you deserved it (7645)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

raysmith121's comment : This really is your fault. You should instruct him and guide him.

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Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

#21450074
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13874) - you deserved it (1257)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

dramaelf's comment : My cat never judges me by my appearance! He ignores me no matter what I look like.

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Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

#21450062
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14126) - you deserved it (1078)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

qdawg06's comment : Clever x10 but also creepy x100

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Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10857) - you deserved it (16470)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16271) - you deserved it (2906)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

#21449663
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15294) - you deserved it (1144)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

#21449647
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18111) - you deserved it (1262)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:35pm - kids - by Lonely School Kid - Canada

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

#21449629
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16008) - you deserved it (1279)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:04pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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