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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

#21217252
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3843) - you deserved it (27)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by d4rkxf0x - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

#21217074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12850) - you deserved it (1994)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1109) - you deserved it (9323)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

#21216856
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15450) - you deserved it (1845)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm - misc - by Oldhouse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML

#21216576
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16938) - you deserved it (2303)

On 07/21/2014 at 6:49pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML

#21216549
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1761) - you deserved it (129)

On 07/21/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

#21216504
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18306) - you deserved it (1371)

On 07/21/2014 at 5:15pm - work - by notpayedenoughforthisshit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

3mi1y_'s comment : I actually just cringed

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Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

#21216427
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32857) - you deserved it (2954)

On 07/21/2014 at 3:31pm - love - by badluck - Canada (Alberta)

KitchKraft's comment : Sounds like he didn't think that out very carefully.

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Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

#21216262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25223) - you deserved it (14853)

On 07/21/2014 at 1:14pm - misc - by surfer - United States (New York)

Crazynocatlady's comment : Surfs you right for not checking your pockets.

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Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

#21216217
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29011) - you deserved it (768)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - love - by whatjusthappened - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2195) - you deserved it (15743)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML



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