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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my husband came home, drunk and with lipstick smeared on his face. When I confronted him about it, he just slurred, "Ah don't worry babe, it ain't mine." FML

#21343515
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3246) - you deserved it (189)

On 01/24/2015 at 3:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3402) - you deserved it (242)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States

Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML

#21343453
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3816) - you deserved it (227)

On 01/24/2015 at 1:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Giurgiu)

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

#21343418
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14692) - you deserved it (950)

On 01/24/2015 at 12:24pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13523) - you deserved it (1527)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

#21343273
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16810) - you deserved it (2517)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

MRP360's comment : Nothing wrong in using a nosehair trimmer.

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Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

#21343098
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20208) - you deserved it (2407)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by xoragebaby - United States

SassyGoblin1198's comment : On the other hand: "today, my girlfriend fell asleep on me during sex. She was having a good dream though. Of me? Oh no. She was dreaming of chopping lettuce. FML" ?

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Today, I saw selfies of my aunt and her friends on Facebook having a great time. They took the pictures at my mother's funeral last week. FML

#21343089
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22094) - you deserved it (1374)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

sturschaedel's comment : That's seriously lacking tact and compassion! You should embarass her by commenting under the pics "Thanks for coming to my mums funeral. I see you had a great time" I think those of her friends that aren't self centered airheads will be properly horrified. Sorry for your loss!

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Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

#21343084
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19704) - you deserved it (1416)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26375) - you deserved it (4647)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21606) - you deserved it (2910)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

#21342878
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23865) - you deserved it (2035)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:09pm - love - by uggg - United States (Washington)

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19817) - you deserved it (2491)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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