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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4954) - you deserved it (946)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic had to fight to pin down some total scum-sucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

#21450305
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4732) - you deserved it (474)

On 08/01/2015 at 2:18am - work - by hook me up with some smack, Jack (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

#21450259
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12192) - you deserved it (1143)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Koalax3's comment : I would've honestly asked him if i could go over so I could play with the cat.. But that's just me

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Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

#21450246
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10443) - you deserved it (735)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

#21450242
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15194) - you deserved it (978)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm - kids - by Oihana - United States (North Carolina)

Ethan_Anonymous's comment : Call child protection services

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Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML

Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML

#21450211
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14713) - you deserved it (1495)

On 07/31/2015 at 10:31pm - animals - by C_Ramirez1695 - United States (Texas)

okudatwo's comment : Honestly, what was your grandpa thinking? That dogs are somehow exempt from traps?

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Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

#21450122
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16328) - you deserved it (1264)

On 07/31/2015 at 5:04pm - love - by single and unbuggered (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

#21450116
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15319) - you deserved it (1275)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:48pm - misc - by smf_ds - Portugal (Porto)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10744) - you deserved it (17493)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

#21450074
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18616) - you deserved it (1804)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

#21450062
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18699) - you deserved it (1470)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States



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