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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5782) - you deserved it (462)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5517) - you deserved it (475)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realised I was far too attached to my duvet. Literally. I just got a large tattoo on my back, and my duvet somehow stuck to my skin during the night and formed part of the scab. I now have the joy of deciding whether to tear it off fast or peel it away slowly. FML

#21306764
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4478) - you deserved it (890)

On 11/27/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Dramori -

Today, I farted while asking a girl out to dinner. FML

#21306727
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13805) - you deserved it (2621)

On 11/27/2014 at 10:13am - love - by fart - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

#21306798
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13960) - you deserved it (1623) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/27/2014 at 10:12am - misc - by Rizma - France (Bretagne)

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

#21306606
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15791) - you deserved it (1164)

On 11/27/2014 at 2:06am - misc - by Sleep. - United States (Missouri)

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

#21306486
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14677) - you deserved it (3511)

On 11/26/2014 at 10:33pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

#21306439
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14621) - you deserved it (1011)

On 11/26/2014 at 9:04pm - work - by caterinette - Portugal

Today, my mother requested that I return the $500 she had previously given me to help me pay for college. Her reasoning? "You work three jobs, you can afford it." I work three jobs because she decided buying herself a car was more important than my schooling. FML

#21306308
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16578) - you deserved it (1682)

On 11/26/2014 at 4:43pm - money - by theaaxis (woman) - United States

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

#21306295
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15683) - you deserved it (1644)

On 11/26/2014 at 4:01pm - misc - by UsuallyaUnicornbread (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

#21306286
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26136) - you deserved it (2181)

On 11/26/2014 at 3:45pm - misc - by void bowels() { cry(); } (man) - United Kingdom (Caerphilly)

xluciferx666's comment : Looks like it's time to nope out of that place

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Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

#21306254
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22607) - you deserved it (3497)

On 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

WCARlover's comment : Any man who gets angry over you giving him a blowjob does not deserve a blowjob

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