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Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

#21451161
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1201) - you deserved it (106)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:31am - health - by sendhelp - United States (Utah)

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

#21451102
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3660) - you deserved it (313)

On 08/02/2015 at 11:25pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3668) - you deserved it (443)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

#21450928
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4005) - you deserved it (536)

On 08/02/2015 at 3:45pm - misc - by ChildishKeynote - United States (California)

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

#21450797
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14475) - you deserved it (1073)

On 08/02/2015 at 9:32am - work - by FUCKFACECUNT (man) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)

EmmaRey's comment : For laughing his ass off, he still managed to be quite an ass.

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Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

#21450786
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13045) - you deserved it (1180)

On 08/02/2015 at 7:39am - kids - by Wlanla (man) - Romania (Bacau)

christophbak's comment : Piss on him to show dominance

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Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

#21450770
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12392) - you deserved it (1279)

On 08/02/2015 at 5:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

jtfrisch's comment : Tell him you want sex in the shower

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Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14726) - you deserved it (1601)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a cute girl. I asked her name, to which I replied with mine and that it was nice to meet her. She followed up with a dirty look and the fact she hates anyone with my name. FML

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

#21450491
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17300) - you deserved it (1924)

On 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm - animals - by Wow (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

#21450453
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19086) - you deserved it (1248)

On 08/01/2015 at 1:17pm - misc - by Son of a Bitch - United States

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

#21450445
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14898) - you deserved it (4403)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Hellasboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17488) - you deserved it (4069)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal



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