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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

#21246995
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7986) - you deserved it (580)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:31am - work - by newswithabitofbite (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17321) - you deserved it (1842)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

#21246787
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15280) - you deserved it (1236)

On 08/27/2014 at 10:33pm - kids - by That idiot - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17365) - you deserved it (3050)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

#21246638
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9067) - you deserved it (20212)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm - misc - by Woops (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

flashback's comment : You sound insane

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Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19989) - you deserved it (1639)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

#21246620
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19119) - you deserved it (1508)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm - misc - by dr.mantistobagon (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

#21246592
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20462) - you deserved it (1654)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20659) - you deserved it (18948)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

xxbvbsusanxx's comment : You really gotta watch it with those things..Try using just one..

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Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

#21246563
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23040) - you deserved it (1677)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by leem (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

#21246432
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26791) - you deserved it (6428)

On 08/27/2014 at 1:19pm - misc - by spark - United States (California)

Brooke5702's comment : Swiper no swiping Swiper be wiping

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Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, I tried to contact my college's financial aid office. After listening to the same damn "Our counselors are busy" message for over an hour, someone picked up the phone and hung up immediately. FML



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