Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my crazily religious mom called me a whore. According to her, the dried yogurt stain on my sleeve looked just like cum. I asked her how exactly she knew what dried cum looked like. Let's just say I now know she can give a mean bitch-slap. FML

#21357452
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (771) - you deserved it (136)

On 02/16/2015 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

beaglegal's comment : When she assumed like that... She definitely had it cumming!

See all the comments →

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

#21357430
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31235) - you deserved it (12283)

On 02/16/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by cactii - United States

c_wyld's comment : Now crash your Uncles car into your Aunts car.

See all the comments →

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

#21357283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33811) - you deserved it (3568)

On 02/16/2015 at 11:39am - intimacy - by notdaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

JMichael's comment : Which is why he should stay your ex.

See all the comments →

Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

#21357201
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31973) - you deserved it (2588)

On 02/16/2015 at 7:57am - love - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met my new roommate. I have very bad OCD, which makes me obsess about the number 3. Turns out she has OCD, too. It makes her compulsively arrange things in only even numbers. This is going to be a long year. FML

#21357111
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (336) - you deserved it (58)

On 02/16/2015 at 1:16am - health - by ohnooo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

#21357102
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39895) - you deserved it (2066)

On 02/16/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

#21356994
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26098) - you deserved it (2051)

On 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm - work - by LP - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

#21356993
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33021) - you deserved it (2192)

On 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

#21356827
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36147) - you deserved it (2529)

On 02/15/2015 at 5:39pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

#21356659
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33116) - you deserved it (2729)

On 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

#21356609
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29127) - you deserved it (9718)

On 02/15/2015 at 11:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

#21356583
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32714) - you deserved it (2463)

On 02/15/2015 at 9:52am - love - by =( (woman) - Australia



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: