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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

#20670246
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (680) - you deserved it (106)

On 05/18/2013 at 1:22am - love - by Sarsippius -

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

#20670019
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3307) - you deserved it (865)

On 05/17/2013 at 10:59pm - love - by moo... -

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

#20669510
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3666) - you deserved it (769)

On 05/17/2013 at 6:28pm - misc - by well great. - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21436) - you deserved it (5403)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

#20669324
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18492) - you deserved it (6085)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:49pm - health - by sprainedankle - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

#20669248
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17892) - you deserved it (4820)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22752) - you deserved it (1765)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

↑ rg350dx's comment : "Come on sis! Just let me pierce your vagina! I incest!"

See all the comments →

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

#20668938
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19072) - you deserved it (2184)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by jessinono (woman) - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25728) - you deserved it (1583)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML

#20668693
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27265) - you deserved it (4301)

On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

#20668592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27042) - you deserved it (1533)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:25am - misc - by Jololol - United States

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28423) - you deserved it (2049)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

#20668366
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25337) - you deserved it (1942)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by presente13 (woman) - United States



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