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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

#14780343
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22873) - you deserved it (34999)

On 01/30/2011 at 10:13pm - love - by gotnogame (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I struggled through a one hour traffic jam to get to the airport to pick up my dad who was just coming back from an overseas trip. I got there only to find that he had given me the wrong date, and I had to drive home. Best part? I have to do it all over again tomorrow. FML

#18279451
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22873) - you deserved it (2982)

On 11/18/2011 at 5:49am - misc - by Etyl (woman) - Indonesia (Jawa Tengah)

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22874) - you deserved it (16862) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France

Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML

#19624704
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22872) - you deserved it (2709)

On 05/14/2012 at 10:23pm - misc - by foreverbrown (man) - United States

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

#19997834
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22872) - you deserved it (17257)

On 08/02/2012 at 2:53am - money - by busted - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

#20082214
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22871) - you deserved it (4377)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

#20830409
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22872) - you deserved it (44256)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, in my psychology class, we were given a sheet that had a list of stressful events and we were to select the ones we had experienced in the last 12 months. I got highest in my class of above an 80% chance of getting a life threatening illness due to stress. Everyone laughed. FML

#8160504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22870) - you deserved it (2696)

On 02/12/2010 at 6:39am - health - by Stressy (man) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

#8965492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22870) - you deserved it (3230)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by misty_love (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

#19900081
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22870) - you deserved it (2205)

On 07/06/2012 at 1:11pm - misc - by Julie is in pain (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22870) - you deserved it (6220)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22867) - you deserved it (5877)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

#18988836
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22866) - you deserved it (3123)

On 02/04/2012 at 12:22am - health - by foxyreegan - United States (North Carolina)



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