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Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

#18599124
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (1896)

On 12/24/2011 at 3:04pm - misc - by ambled - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

#19944321
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (4802)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:12am - health - by goincrazy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

#3740095
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18639) - you deserved it (57014)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:41am - intimacy - by unlucky_number13 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while on a first date with a guy who turned out to be twice my age, we were playing video games at the theatre before the movie started. Suddenly he falls face first while having a seizure. The EMT asked if my "dad" had a history of epilepsy. FML

#16030351
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18638) - you deserved it (27740)

On 05/03/2011 at 8:15am - love - by cbolig -

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18637) - you deserved it (49012)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

#14802825
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18636) - you deserved it (64764)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by seepeezy32 -

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18636) - you deserved it (16240)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

#16141236
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18635) - you deserved it (50858)

On 05/12/2011 at 7:09am - love - by Username -

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

#20061073
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18634) - you deserved it (2119)

On 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm - kids - by Chouse - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was pulled over and administered a sobriety test due to an officer's suspicion that I was driving under the influence. I was completely sober, and, apparently, I suck at driving. FML

#20401642
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18632) - you deserved it (10477)

On 12/16/2012 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

#19462191
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18631) - you deserved it (3975)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

#19549742
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18630) - you deserved it (12947)

On 04/29/2012 at 7:56pm - love - by -insert clever nickname here- - United States (Washington)

Today, it was my husband's and my anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You know, the typical lacey thong and fishnets. I heard the door open, and what I thought was him was actually my brother who'd visited to wish me a happy anniversary. FML

#6199211
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18628) - you deserved it (5027)

On 11/07/2009 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by sexysue (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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