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Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2010 at 10:45am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2015 at 11:34am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I struggled through a one hour traffic jam to get to the airport to pick up my dad who was just coming back from an overseas trip. I got there only to find that he had given me the wrong date, and I had to drive home. Best part? I have to do it all over again tomorrow. FML

by Etyl / 11/18/2011 at 5:49am / Indonesia (Jawa Tengah) / Transportation

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 3:53pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2015 at 4:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I were arguing about how he was too busy for me. During that conversation, he was texting his best friend and then called by his brother to drive him home. Instead of returning to finish our conversation, he left to prepare for his fishing trip with his mates tomorrow. FML

by anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

by julesmommy / 09/08/2011 at 1:36am / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

by FML / 05/15/2012 at 3:02pm / Finland / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

by probably on death row soon / 12/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

by missunlucky / 02/17/2010 at 7:24pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML

by reserved / 10/22/2012 at 5:01am / United States (California) / Love