By thatsucks - / Saturday 28 February 2009 11:10 / United Kingdom

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

By Mick - / Friday 20 February 2009 08:29 / United States
By meteorbabe0101 - / Tuesday 14 April 2009 02:11 / United States

  Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

By KAAALIS - / Monday 16 March 2009 02:20 / United States

  Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

By caroline - / Friday 6 February 2009 15:29 / United States
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Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

By happybirthday - / Tuesday 24 March 2009 21:15 / United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

By bittersweet / Sunday 8 February 2009 03:08 / United States
By RC3Welly - / Monday 9 March 2009 22:58 / United States
By gentileman - / Monday 16 March 2009 17:11 / United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

By thankskimi - / Sunday 15 March 2009 18:29 / United States
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