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Today, I saw a crash on the highway. The police weren't yet there, so I pulled over to help because I know CPR. No one needed CPR, but I had locked myself out of my car. My roadside assist won't come to highways, so I had to get towed away in front of everyone. FML

by blonde / 09/29/2010 at 3:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 5:35am / Norway (Ostfold) / Animals

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

by SNBBFF / 10/25/2011 at 3:10am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

by FML / 05/15/2012 at 3:02pm / Finland / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that the five-star meal that my friend treated me to last night was actually meant to be repayment of the $200 I loaned her last month. I needed that money for bills and she refuses to give me another cent. FML

by Full Stomach Empty Wallet / 08/06/2015 at 6:50am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

by fml_seriouslyfml / 06/06/2009 at 9:11pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

by anonymous / 11/01/2015 at 10:13pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were arguing about how he was too busy for me. During that conversation, he was texting his best friend and then called by his brother to drive him home. Instead of returning to finish our conversation, he left to prepare for his fishing trip with his mates tomorrow. FML

by anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, the AC broke at work. I work in a hotel and every single guest asked me if I knew how hot it was in the lobby. It was 96 degrees for 7 hours. I definitely knew. FML

by lissabobissa / 07/20/2015 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

by probably on death row soon / 12/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my daughter's boyfriend, who she hopes to marry. I asked what he does, to which he answered, "I'm a Flamencologist." Flamencology? The study of Flamenco? Huh? FML

by dancer101 / 02/04/2011 at 10:01am / United States / Kids

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

by BrokeButSmart / 08/23/2012 at 1:24am / United States (Indiana) / Work