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Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

#17837331
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26217) - you deserved it (4501)

On 09/26/2011 at 3:26am - misc - by Nudge23 - Australia

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

#18507550
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26217) - you deserved it (7660)

On 12/13/2011 at 10:45pm - health - by brownunderwear - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26217) - you deserved it (3433)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML

#20169028
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26216) - you deserved it (2763)

On 11/19/2012 at 1:21am - health - by NOIDIDNOT (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

#21461761
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (2099)

On 08/28/2015 at 4:05pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Friuli-Venezia Giulia)

Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML

#6038057
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (7445)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

#19480957
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26213) - you deserved it (7169)

On 04/16/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

#20650425
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26212) - you deserved it (52560)

On 05/08/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by Checkless chick - United States

Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

#14286772
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26211) - you deserved it (11114)

On 12/21/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML

#13985421
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26211) - you deserved it (5897)

On 11/26/2010 at 9:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML

#20127937
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26211) - you deserved it (1817)

On 10/22/2012 at 5:01am - love - by reserved - United States (California)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26211) - you deserved it (3148)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

#21497787
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26209) - you deserved it (2857)

On 11/28/2015 at 9:32am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyfml (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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